What if he was a great guy, you could trust him, he made you feel great, but he was totally broke. I mean, he works and everything, but he doesnt make much, and he pays half of it to child support. He was in the military, and his child support is really high, and the court wont lower it for him. He seems unwilling to look for a better paying job, and i dont want to push the issue. I have money to support myself and my 2 children, but not enough to support him too. I find myself wanting to buy him stuff, like new clothes, cause he needs them, and I stop myself, because i know I should spend my money on my kids and not him. What do you think. Should I break up with this guy? I really like him, I could see us staying together for a long time, if money wasnt such an issue.
2007-01-09 03:52:00 · 29 answers · asked by Sarah 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Do you want to be his girlfriend or his mommy?
2007-01-09 03:55:12 · answer #1 · answered by Back in the game... 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think it's sad now days that money is a big issue. If that man was married or living with you and your two kids and if he went to the child support division in told them he has a new family to help support they will lower his child support payments. I know my brother had to do it. Enough about that YOU need to come off that high horse your on. If this man is a good man, don't let him go. Wants wrong with you, buy that man some clothes. That don't mean your taking away from your children. I bet your kids don't need a new out fit every week. I bet they don't need no more new cloths. I get the feeling your kids are well off and wearing nice cloths and shoes. So what if you go by your man some thing new. Just don't go buy him new things every week. Now that will be dumb. Right now that man has a job. And be thank full for that. Right now he may not be in any shape or position to look for a new job. If you let this man go because according to your standers he don't make enough money. Your going to find a man who makes good money and he not going to feel your needs. You told us this man makes you feel great and you can trust him and you see your self staying with him for a long time. Give this man a chance. So what if you make more money then him. Lots of women now days make more money then there men. So what.
2007-01-09 04:30:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I married one, and we're happy. Would you be happy if he kept more of his money and he was a deadbeat dad? At least he's taking care of his kids, and that's more than a lot of guys do. Are your needs (shelter, food, clothing, etc., not the extras) met? Also keep in mind that the more he makes, the more he will have to pay in child support. The way our state works, support is on a percentage-of-your-income basis depending on the number of kids you have. The same percentage will go to his kids, so he would have to make a huge pay increase to make a difference in the income he keeps.
How selfish you are to have all this and be complaining about how he doesn't have any money. Why aren't YOU willing to look for a better job, too? You BOTH should be trying to better your situation. Some women would love to have a man that just didn't beat them or cheat.
2007-01-09 04:06:13 · answer #3 · answered by Lady in Red 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would you leave someone over money? What if you were married for 10 years, your husband became disabled and barely had enough money to support himself let alone your family? Would you leave him then? Money should never be a deciding factor in a relationship - it may not always be there anyway. Our society is too materialistic.
PS - it's not like he's a total bum. He has a very respectable career and you should feel bad for him that he doesn't get paid more for the good work he does in the military.
Also, to make you feel better since money is an object for you in this, ex-military working on base as a civilian make a **** ton more money.
2007-01-09 03:58:37 · answer #4 · answered by lookinforanswers 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well--money isn't everything but you do ahve responsiblitlites towards your children--and you'd better love them first--and place them ahead of some new guy--he is obviously doing that for his children from a past relationship--You children come first just like his do--That is the way it goes--anything else and you and he would both be irresponsible...if he is a great guy and you are meant to be together then it will work itself out--But don't try to make it easy by buying him things adn spending on him instead of your kids--that's his fate--he had those kids and he needs to take care of them--so don't feel sorry for him--If you can deal with less money then continue to see him--just make sure your kids stay your top priority--don't try to "save" him--he knew what he was doing--he's a big boy and he has to take care of his responsibilities...If you're crazy about him continue to see him--but be realistic..otherwise, you might want to find someone who does not have this issue...
2007-01-09 04:00:17 · answer #5 · answered by Shay 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Money and wealth are important and NOT important all at the same time. The thing is find out what one's needs and wants are.
Everyone has needs of food, shelter and clothing.
For EVERYONE these needs are fill with Mac & Cheese, apartment, and jeans & tee shirt.
HOWEVER, people also have wants so Mac & Cheese turns into Steak or candle light with five course meal and wine. Apartment turns into a house or larger mansion. Jeans & a tee shirt has to be designer this or that.
When I was younger I was cought up in my title and money and image. I had a rather large thirst for stuff and I was never happy because I always wanted more. Then I had the greatest thing happened I lost everything: job, wife ,family, home ...etc. It took me a little while to realize that everything that was important to me really wasn't that important. I worked hard to get my family back, but now I'm happy. Wealth breaks down to a simple equation.
If your WANTS are LESS than what you have you are RICH.
If your WANTS are MORE than what you have you are POOR.
The easiest thing to change in these equations is your wants. So its up to you.
2007-01-09 04:55:38 · answer #6 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have no money...like your guy..i got a job, i like it, but the last two years have ruined me with medical bills. I figured my dating life was over. I met a really cool lady, she has a lot more money than me, but i made it clear that i want nothing from her except company. She dont care about the money..we like each ohter, so we hang out. Two years ago i had lots of money and could go/do anything i wanted. Now i am quite limited. Just dont give the guy the idea that you are going to su[pport him and pick up all the dinner checks and all that...go dutch to places that he can afford...sure, once in a while if you want to do some thing nice for him, do it, just make sure he doesnt come to expect it.
2007-01-09 04:05:42 · answer #7 · answered by alanc_59 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He needs to be able to at least support himself and buy his own clothes. He can always get a better job, or work a 2nd job. Love is more important than money, but realistically there are limits.
My ex-fiance had $$, but was a total miser. Wouldn't buy new clothes or shoes, and I was embarassed after a while. And we bought a house, but he refused to part with a buck for paint, furniture, etc. His old moldy furniture was in the living room. I rarely went in that room. There were other issues, too, but this was part of the explosive breakup. I resented him using up food/supplies/toiletries that I bought.
2007-01-09 04:07:35 · answer #8 · answered by sandiemaye 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you choose to be with him, it will be a life of financial hardship. Even the greatest love of all may not endure for long is such circumstances. Your kids are going to have much more needs as they grow older, especially if you want to send them to good colleges, so you have to think long term.
The best thing for you is to date the guy for a while and see if you feel the same in a few months to a year. isn't he himself bothered by his own situation? Make sure you are not taken advantage of, and you can do things like invite him for dinner, but wait before you start buying him clothes. Let his mother do that.
2007-01-09 04:03:04 · answer #9 · answered by artist-oranit.com. 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Money is important but should not be an issue. you just keep supporting yourself like you have been doing. It doesn't sound like he is looking for a hand out, but even if he gets a higher paying job, that it just that much more that is going to child support.
2007-01-09 03:58:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Would you rather date a really nice guy with no money, or a really mean jerk with lots of money? C'mon...it should be a no brainer. I was the same way once. That's right, i was the broke guy with virtually nothing, but i had love. My, now, wife helped me go back to school so i could find a better paying job. If he's comfortable where he is, then it would be your choice to accept him for who he is. As far as buying him things, "gifts" are just that, "gifts". If he starts expecting it, and then depending on you to get it for him, then I would consider those "requests" verses "gifts".
2007-01-09 04:06:11 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋