Divorce and He don't call the kids?

Question

I've been divorced for 3 months and been seperated for over a year.........the problem is..... that up until the divorce was finalized he would call the kids......and now, he nor his family call them and they ask why? I have repeatedly told him and his family that I want them to be a part of my kids life.....because they are family to my kids...........and I'm starting to wonder if its my fault they don't call them..........I say this because I recently started dating after a whole year of just being single and trying to work things out with my ex but we both made the decision that it just wasnt working out no more.....we were both miserable so we both finalized the divorce........and now I am dating but so is he, the only difference is that him nor his family thought I would move on and they thought I would always be at their beck and call and now I am not....So are they in turn mad at me for finally moving on and taking it out on my kids or do they just not care anymore about my kid

My children are 9 and 5

No we didn't argue about child support.....he doesn't pay anything.....

There is a direct way of communication between him and the kids.......My oldest has a cell phone.........so he doesn't have to call me to talk to them...........

Answer 1

They know your number. Sounds like your ex is a a mama's boy. He is probably running his mouth to his family.I would try calling maybe 2 and leave messages. I would move on and sign him up for child support. If he comes around ,he comes around. Just try not to bring it up to the kids. I would have them spend time with your family

Answer 2

More than likely he was contacting the kids to keep in touch with you. I guess he had hopes that you two could work things out. The divorce made things final. My guess is that he is hurt right now. It hurts him to see you dating other men. Are you sure he's dating? He may have just told you that to make you jealous. Give him time, eventually he will want to see his children. His relatives are respecting their distance. You wanted a divorce. You can't have your cake and eat it too. Maybe, you should have tried a little harder on your part.

Divorce means a permanent separation from him and his family. Did you honestly think you could have the same benefits that you had when you were married with him? Benefits being his family acting as yours. You got what you asked for didn't you? Enjoy your bitter soup.

Marriage isn't a disposable thing to be just thrown away. America is getting worse everyday gang violence and drug use being examples. America was strong and good because our basic building block, the family, was important. Nowadays people think divorce is acceptable. Well it's not. The only exception being for reasons of adultery.

Answer 3

Look...I had something very similar occur with my ex. I will tell you, do not be too hard on yourself, OK? It is not your fault. If they are not calling the children, it is their decision. If they are using this excuse they are using the children as pawns! The most despicable, selfish, adolescent things that people can do to their children during such events like divorce. Just bite the pipe...don't say anything derogatory about their father or to the father and your ex-in laws. But, don't be afraid to have the children call everyone else up...and have them tell their father and grandparents that they were just thinking about them and wanted to see how they were. They could even go and ask them why they haven't called them...but, don't be surprised if they don't want to and don't push the issue. Just have them call and have them ask their father and grandparents if they will call them in the future. You don't need to talk to anyone...just monitor the conversations. Good luck!! and HUGS!

Have the kids send letters and cards...especially during the holidays. That stinks that the father didn't even have the nads to call this last holiday. Be strong. It will work out one way or the other...even if they end up having no contact with their father or his side of the family.

Family can still be a very important part of everyone involved...even with the onset of divorce. There are many support groups out there, too. Parents without partners, is one.

Answer 4

It shouldnt matter if they r mad at u or not. Its the kids that r the issue here. Unfortunately what they r doing is only going to hurt the kids even if they r trying to get back at u for whatever reason. I would suggest telling them that, that if they r mad at u thats fine and u can get over that. But they need to see that the children r whats at stake here. What ever issues they have with u dating or not dating shouldnt have any connection with when they call or come see the kids. Its a shame when ppl just do stupid things like that to get back at an ex, grow up ppl there is life beyond revenge.. Good luck!

Answer 5

Some men think if you divorce the wife, you divorce the kids, It took my brother almost a year before he realized what he was doing to the little ones.. They care.. They may just take a while. Let the kids know that it isn't anything they did.. And that no matter what you will always be there. That is what they need right now.Good luck with that..

Answer 6

listen first of all you and your ex made a decision together to end the relationship you have every right to move on without feeling guilty or thinking you are the problem here..i think in this type of situation once the family has split its just easier for people to move on and loose track of previous priority and obligation..i know its probably very hard for the kids and you too but the best advice i can give you is to simply live your life the best you know how..i personally would not take the initiative to bring up the dad or his family WHEN/IF the kids bring them up then at that point i would let them call who ever it is that they are asking about so they can have direct contact..if the kids are just asking questions in general and arent interested in actually talking to the dad or family then i would answer the questions maybe by explaining that dad is busy and has other things to do but that he still loves them or just simply suggest to your kids to call and ask dad them selves that way its not your issue to come up with random answers..i know you feel that this is unfair to you and it is but in more time it will all become normal especially if you just let your kids know they are still perfect and loved without dad and his family around

Answer 7

I feel for you, I am currently in this exact situation with my ex & my daughter (she is 5). I do not hear from him nor his parents, even at Christmas time there was silence. It is heartbreaking to see your children suffer like this. I think that since you have moved on with your life your ex knows that the only way he can "get to you" is through your children, which is a very sad situation, making the children mere victims in the crossfire of two parents.
I am reading a good book "Children of Divorce" (sandcastle) and it has provided many helpful tips in how to deal with these types of situations. I know there is a lot of help out there & advice that have been written by professionals.
I don't know how to make it better in your situation, as I am right there with you & have been for over a year. I tell my daughter that she has many people in her life that love her & won't leave her, however, I already see abandonment issues later in life with her. It's a tough situation & highly individualized. Good luck to you!

Answer 8

First of all you are a good mother for wanting your ex to see his kids. Alot of women want to keep the kids away from the other parent. It does sound like his family is mad because you don't need them anymore but your kids still do. Like you said they are still family to your kids. You are doing nothing wrong. So keep telling yourself that. My ex lives 3 houses down from me and he doesn't call or come see his kids. I'm am sorry that our kids have to go through this because of their parents stupidity. Good luck!

Answer 9

Your kids don't need uncaring relatives. If his family is not interested in keeping in touch, why should you? If that family doesn't start calling, just tell the kids to forget about them and to move on. With so many divorces around, the kids will understand.

Answer 10

Unfortunately - there are many men out there that do this. And if they are punishing your kids because they don't want you moving on and into a new relationship, then you don't want them around your kids anyhow. My ex would cancel on the kids often at the last minute and break many promises to them. I often wished that he would just walk out of their life rather than keep hurting them. Have your kids send cards on holidays, to keep the window of communication open for them - but don't force it either way. My 13 yr old got tired of it with her father and now just won't bother with him anymore. It's her way of dealing with the years of hurt that he inflicted on her. I keep telling her that I don't want her to lose her relationship with her dad - but she doesn't care -she sees no value in it. Now her dad is saying he don't want her in his life (like a kid lashing out - not like an adult that he supposedly is)

Be strong for your kids - always be there for them - put them first before any man in your life so that they know that they matter to at least you. You will not regret it and any man in your life will respect that they have to come first. If he doesn't, then you need to find the good man that you deserve :)