Are we ready for marriage?

Question

Okay, I am not going to tell you how old we are, but I am going to give you some details:
*We have dated for nearly 3 years and the first 6 months of our relationship was spent getting to know each other.
*We didn't kiss until 3 months into the relationship.
*Then, we didn't kiss for another 3 months.
*We work on volunteer projects together and work in our church together as well.
*We have arguments, but not fights.
*We know almost everything about each other.

Are we ready for marriage? (Just pretend that ages don't matter, that we have the money, and we just need to know if we're emotionally and spiritually ready).

Okay, I have a lot to add.

First of all, that other question I asked is about my friend and her boyfriend. They are thinking about getting married as well.

Second of all, I DON'T have any doubts about wanting to marry this man. I love him so much. He is only second to God in my life.

Third, I am not hung up on details such as when we kissed, etc. I just thought I'd throw that in to show that we took time to develop a friendship before it got more serious.

Also, what I meant by arguing and not fighting is that we both respect the other's opinion. That is why I would call what we do arguing and not fighting. We keep the other's opinions and feelings in mind.

More information:

Okay, a lot of you have mentioned the age thing. I didn't want to mention my age or the age of my boyfriend, because I felt that it would influence your decision. I wanted an unbiased decision on your part. I know that putting my age there would mess things up.

Also, we do love and trust each other. We spend a lot of time together, watching movies, volunteering (one of our passions), and just talking. We probably talk more than any other people I know. We probably talk two or three hours a day.

We have discussed marriage and we both understand that we are ready emotionally and we would love to get married next week, but we do not have the money and there are some things we need to do first.

Please feel free to ask more questions and add more comments. I like this discussion.

Answer 1

It's really hard to say with so little information. Have you discussed finances and who is going to pay the bills and about savings. Money is always a huge issue. Also raising children and disipline is something else to be discussed. You haven't mentioned love in your question. Can you visualize your life without him? Do you want to wake up next to him every morning? Just know the day to day living is the real test for a marriage. The good times as well as the bad test the true strength of any marriage. I hope you make the right decision. Good luck.

Answer 2

Yes, hon, the age does indeed matter..... What you want at 17 isn't the same as what you want in a partner at 27. If you have not finished your education (college or a profession or salable skill) and each of you yet doesn't have training and a good job, then you are not yet ready to marry. If you have not managed money, a household or know how to do that, you are not yet ready to marry. If each of you is coming from a home with your parents into a home of your own, you are not ready to marry.

( And for sure, you are not ready to be parents, until you have a few ducks in a row, have a solid relationship of at least three years living together as husband and wife, and are prepared to: loose many nights sleep with a screaming, colic baby, a demanding child of two, the time invested in nurturing, and rebellious teenagers, and this not counting the investment of $250,000 in another person to age 20, who may not even like you.... having a child doesn't guarantee a caring adult child.)

Are you ready to marry? No. Volunteering on projects is a far cry from understanding that Marriage is: Respect, Admiration, Passion and Trust, with a whole lot of lovies, solving differences without rage, having lots in common, caring for the other's options, allowing each other space, and at times just "shutting the hell up." Your politics, religion, thoughts on children, race, and educational and intellectual levels should be close. Your hobbies can be shared, as well as done individually. And you should agree how extra time and money should be spent.

Are you ready to marry?

Answer 3

Obviously you think you are probably too young to get married or you would not have made such a big deal about the age thing. Let me put it this way. Who we are as a person is defined the events we encounter in life. These things include education (high school and college), employment and responsibilites (house, car, insurance, chores, etc). When you are young, let's say still in or just out of highschool, you have yet to experience many of the things that will formulate your character. As time goes on, you will continue to grow as a person, and possibly change into someone quite different than you are today. These changes slow over time, but in your late teens and early 20's, they tend to come pretty fast.

I presonally feel that two people who are young, who are notthe people they will end up being in just 5 years, are rolling the dice by getting married so young. You may be perfect for each other now, but you will likely be two completely different people in just a few years. Why rush it? You are planning on staying together forever already, why not wait a few years to finish becoming who you will ultimately be before committing to such a life long commitment?

Answer 4

The most important thing to remember is do what ever makes you happy!!
If you both feel you are ready for marriage then nothing anyone can say will change that..... but the fact your asking this question tells me your both having doubts!!

Just remember 3 years of being together is not a long time in the grand scale of things, especially with the late development of your relationship!!

Spend as much time together as possible and you'll both know when the time is right for you to get married without having to ask the question to strangers..........

Answer 5

If you are still focused on tings like how long it took until you kissed, you are not ready for marriage. You need to worry about the bigger picture...jobs, families, money, etc. You sound like you have a lot of growing up to do! That's not a bad thing, just don't be so quick to rush through life!

Just looked at your other questions...you are 19 and he's 17!!!! Holy cow, HIT THE BRAKES!!!! Go to college and have some fun and discover who you really are first! If you're still together after that, then marry!

Answer 6

Are you ready for marriage?

I have found only one test that could answer that question. Both of you need to save 10K dollars each. Its only money and how fast you save it reflects how strong you want to get married.

Here's the catch:
Each of you has to earn the money on your own. No borrowing.

Saving money is difficult because we are tempted to spend it on silly things we don't NEED, but still want. If both of you are able to do this then money would be one less thing to fight about because both of you would of proven to yourselves and each other that you are fiscally responsible. Considering that most couples fight over money you will the way ahead of the game.

Good luck

Answer 7

"*We have arguments, but not fights."

1) try to determine what your compatibilities and incompatibilities are. There are some huge deal breakers, e.g. the way you deal with money and how you plan on bringing up your kids.

2) "Fighting" will happen in any relationship. It's a matter of "when", not "if". Specially in a romantic one, where emotions tend to be more passionate. Make sure you know how to fight fair.

Answer 8

Nope. Not ready for marriage.

None of us ever are! It is a big change to the relationship.

Seriously, though... since you are making such a deal over age - my gut says that you are probably too young and you know it.

Answer 9

If you have to ask if you are old enough to get married the answer is no. You should be sure in yourself without question before getting married. You need to wait till you can answer in your own heart you are ready to make the commitment to marriage. Take your vows seriously.!!!!!

Answer 10

I honestly think that age doesn't matter. Ask yourself these questions. Is he the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with? Grow old with? Have kids with? When the time is right you will know. You know what is in your heart. No one else does.