A person states " I'm nervous ", I'm scared ", I'm sad, worried or angry " etc. . .
The reply heard is usually . . . "Don't be nervous (angry, worried, scared, sad etc.)...be strong instead (or happy, don't worry etc.)
The word " Don't " comes up as stating ' don't ' or ' stop ' feeling your very real felt emotion.
A person's feelings are very real and valid. Why not instead validate the other persons very real feelings, embrace that person either figuretively or literally allowing them their feelings all the while guiding that person to a brighter / more positive outcome of the event that is / was causing them their offsetting emotion ?
This in relation to an emotion felt for a few hours or days...not weeks or years on end.
Thoughts ?
2007-01-09 02:55:04 · 6 answers · asked by onelight 5 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Appreciate the four answers that have come in thus far...thanks. AND..." K_quaraim " . . . very profound thought shared.
2007-01-09 03:17:05 · update #1
I THINK ... all people are like that coz .. if u found that one tray to see his back .. he must have tow wings.... he must be an angle....
2007-01-09 03:07:20 · answer #1 · answered by k_quraim 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They are afraid and feel powerless to help the person who expresses a weak point in their lives. People want to help each other more often than not. Just like most of the ones on this site.
You are right, we need to listen and let them cry. We don't need an answer. We may not HAVE their answer. And I get mad when someone tells me I don't feel what I feel or tries to tell me to stop. Let them talk to the hand. It's sad we don't understand each other any better than we do. It leads to war and runs us right into
an eternity where we can't go back home anymore.
2007-01-09 11:05:09 · answer #2 · answered by Dovey 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They say don't feel that way, when they haven't understood the root behind the feeling. To them, saying "don't feel that way" addresses the full extent of their understanding. Now the reason that they haven't taken the next step to think a level deeper can be a result of multiple factors. They don't understand, have no idea of comprehending, to much different form their perspective, don't care that much, etc. Sometimes they may choose not to go there, because it scares them too much.
2007-01-09 11:18:52 · answer #3 · answered by jerome2all 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The other person in this scenario does not want to deal with those negative feeling and would rather have the person feeling them move out of them as quickly as possible. Telling them not to feel that way probably seems like the easiest and most expedient solution.
2007-01-09 11:01:23 · answer #4 · answered by Barrett G 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree, not validating the feeling can lead to a lot of issues.
I think it's because people are scared to deal with grief or feel upset themselves or feel helpless, they don't know how to deal with it or how to help the person.
Maybe it's because they wear rose coloured glasses and want the world to stay nice, they don't want to admit anything negative exsists.
2007-01-09 11:00:15 · answer #5 · answered by Lady M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
"Invalidation" is a serious form of abuse. I'm sorry to any person that this happens to!
It is very dangerous because it teaches a child to not trust themselves, or honor their minds. It produces "shame." Suicides are caused by this.
Please fight this wherever you see this! It is abuse!
2007-01-09 13:22:54 · answer #6 · answered by dearreal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋