I'm 21 and my boyfriend is 24 and marriage is something we have talked about doing in the near future. However, as soon as he found out we were pregnant, he just sort of didnt show any emotion. He tells me he's there for me and I know he is, but he just wont tell me how he's really feeling. All i have gotten out of him was that he's really scared and doesn't know what he feels yet. He says he will come around sooner or later, but its so hard not to know how he really feels! I was so scared too but now I'm super excited talking about maternity clothes and putting together the nursery in our apartment, and he just sort of looks at me and smiles and thats it! He's responsible but ughhh!! Anyone else have a story like this to share?
2007-01-09 02:42:44 · 17 answers · asked by Rileysmom 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
WOW thats the exact situation I was in. Well I'm 20 and he's 24, but I told him I wanted to have a family right and he was all up for it, (or so I thought) Well... When I finally became pregnant he looked at me like his world was going to end. He was like well ok but i'm not ready, what are you going to do ? I knew in the back of my head he was freaking out. As I started getting all day sickness he wouldnt show any emotion. I'd have depression sometimes where I'd wake up crying for no reason, and he wouldn't say "it's ok". He wouldn't show ANY emotion whatsoever. By 6-7 when I started showing thats when it FINALLY kicked in his head hey i'm going to be a father and he suddenly became involved. When I had found out it was a girl he was dissapointed he kept saying it was a boy and that he only wanted a boy. Now my little one is 2 months old and he LOVES her to death. Guys are just like that be prepared. I went through hell because he was going through his phase. I hope you dont go through what I did. I hope that your boyfriend realizes he needs to step up and be a man. He shouldnt put all the pressure on you. Both of you made that baby and both should contribute to making that babies life the best. Good luck
2007-01-09 03:03:37 · answer #1 · answered by Mama Breezy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm 23 and my bf is 27. When I came out of the dr office and told him that I am pregnant he just held me. Then afterwards we went to go eat and he let me order anything and everything I wanted!(and you know how much you eat when you are pregnant) He is very family oriented and loves kids. We have talked about marriage and kids awhile ago but we decided that it won't be a good idea till I finish school and have a career. But now that he found out that I'm pregnant he is actually very very nice to me. If I even look tired, he asks me what's wrong and asked me if I need a back rub. Then we joke about the little thing (baby I guess haha) inside of me. So I think I'm ok cause I know he did tell me once that if we get married and have babies and we decided to get divorce he's gonna take the babies no matter what and I can go visit them once a week. I think he would be an excellent father and I feel so glad that he's nothing like my ex bfs who are not family oriented at all. I hope everything else works out for you honey. I know it's very harsh but I think you should see all the possibilities that might happen. Maybe he will start to get more emotional when he sees the baby. Maybe he's scared. But my ex denied his own kids (not from me...from his ex gf) and when I found out that he has kids I broke up with him and told him that I coldn't be with a guy who denies his own kids because I won't want to be in his baby mom's shoes. I wish best luck but just be careful and do what's best for you and your baby
2007-01-09 04:32:30 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't find a man shaped hole through the wall so you are doing good. I know you are both nervous and a little scared like everyone is during there first pregnancy. But if he says he is there for you I would trust that and give him enough space to breath. He is scared because his life is about to change and men know this responsibility is a great one.
If you need him for support right now you may not get it. Because he needs it just as much as you. So do you have any friends or family you can lean on when you are scared. Try not to smoother your boyfriend with fear and questions on how he feels. He really needs time for this to sink in. Trust me once he sees his little child he will forget all his worry and doubt.
Again, try leaning more on a good friend or family member until he feels better. Also don't ask to much about his feelings and a current report on this matter. He may get overwhelmed and so will you. Focus on you and the baby and he will too in time.
Cheers,
2007-01-09 02:54:49 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Guys don't think like we do!!! The same thing happened to me actually we were the same age as you guys too!!! I didn't think I was preganant and he did. He kept telling me it will be okay and we will get through it well when I found out that I was definetely pregnant he was the total opposite. He didn't know what to do. He is the type of guy that worried that something would go wrong or something would be wrong with the baby. When it all turned out okay he was the one laying on the couch holding the baby on his chest all the time. I bet your boyfriend is just really scared this is a life chaning event for him maybe he's thinking about the responsibility for providing a stable enviroment financially. Who knows all I was thinking about was if it was going to be a girl or a boy the baby names and all of that. Good luck!!
2007-01-09 02:52:00 · answer #4 · answered by 4.my.boys 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds just like my husband with everyone of my pregnancies. I got pregnant with our first at 17 and he was 21. Even though we both were trying to have our baby he showed no emotion, he was there for me and supported me through it. But honestly, couldn't tell what he was thinking. He wasn't one of those dads who say, "WE" are pregnant. He didn't sit there and rub my belly constantly. I was scared to death that he was going to be a bad dad.
Once, my son got here though he did a change. He was super involved couldn't get him away from his baby. Super, super involved with his baby. Couldn't ask for a better father. I have had 6 more children since then. And I swear it is the exact same way. No emotion throughout the pregnancy but when the baby got here Super Dad.
In fact, when we had our first daughter I was the one who painted the nursery(he wasn't irresponsible, I was just TOO excited and wanted to get it done!!), picked out all her room furnishings, and he just smiled and said "whatever you want hon".
I think alot of fathers are like that, some just don't know how to react so they don't react at all.
Hope I helped some.
2007-01-09 03:01:07 · answer #5 · answered by flredneckgal_21 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My hubby (then boyfriend) was 19 and I was 17 when we got pregnant with our first. The only thing I could get him to say was oops! It was kinda humorous. After we heard the heart beat and found out it was a girl he cried and then he wouldn't leave me or my belly alone. He will come around. Give him some time. Men are not like us. They don't look at things with the emotion we do. In his mind he is probably trying to crunch numbers and make it work. Him looking at you and smiling says more than he can. Good luck and Congrats
2007-01-09 02:48:01 · answer #6 · answered by Mrs. Always Right 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
No I don't, and I hope I don't just because I'm so scared of having babies. It does sound like your boyfriend is a little bit in shock. He probably wasn't ready for you to have a baby yet, but at the same time he's not going to be an a**hole about it you know? I say just let him get himself together, see how he acts further down the road. Hopefully he'll warm up!
2007-01-09 02:48:04 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm 21 and my boyfriend is 20. When I got pregnant, I was 20 and he was 20 too. When I first told him, he said, "aare you serious?" I started crying because I was scared. He said, I have to call you back. When he called back I didn't hear my phone so he left a voicemail. It said something like this, "Babe, I know you're scared. But, we can get through this. I love you and you love me, and we'll love this baby no matter what. We can do this, although I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack. I can't believe this, but we knew this is something that could happen. I love you and call me when you get this."
The next day we talked and he calmed me down....then he told his entire family. lol, so he knew because we were having sex we could get pregnant and he's taking responsibility for it. He's handling it in a great way.
2007-01-09 02:53:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
He's already told you how he feels - he's SCARED. Give him some time and space to figure it out; just because you are excited doesn't mean that he is. Remember, too, that men don't express feelings as openly as women as a rule, and don't talk things out as much as women do. Let him be a guy, give him a little breathing space, and I think he probably WILL come around.
2007-01-09 02:50:44 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
He's probably panicking inside only he doesn't want to show it or let you know he's freaking out. Sure, some guys will say they're "there for you," but what that really means is: "I will financially help support our child and will be a father, but I'm not ready to get married and ruin my life forever." Sorry, but that's what happens sometimes.
2007-01-09 02:48:53 · answer #10 · answered by Reo 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋