Kids don't get along, How do I choose Power of Attorney?

Question

My Kids, though they care for each other, do not agree often. I have to make arrangements for Power of Attorney as my husband recently passed. Can I put all 3 as Power of attorney? Does that get messy? Would it not be best for a "checks & balance" so everyone can handle it together without feeling like the one that has "POWER" makes all the decisions after I'm gone? I do have a will all divided by the 3 kids. The POA is more for protection so my estate, checking accts, cars etc. don't get held up after I'm gone.

Answer 1

Make someone else POA

Answer 2

Most states only provide the woman assistance until the child is a certain age. That's usually when the child is 5 years old, because they're old enough to go to school and the woman can work during the day, therefore she won't need assistance. I suppose some women rather have another kid, then they can stay on welfare for a longer time. There will always be someone that will take advantage of any type of help they get. There are "parents" who don't care about their kids, and see their kids as a way to get money. But I try not to judge anyone, especially someone who's having a difficult life.

Answer 3

Yes, you could put all 3 as POA, but that gets messy, depending on how you word the power of attorney. It sounds like you want to give them all POA, meaning that all three of them would have to come to a consensus before any action could occur, which sounds like it could be problematic. Letting them have independent decision-making power would also get messy since they'd be able to keep overriding each others' decisions. Further, a POA doesn't have effect once you're gone, only while you're alive.

It sounds like you're trying to set up a Living Will or a Trust.

Estate laws vary from state to state, so you should definitely talk with an estate attorney before you make your final decision.

Answer 4

As others have alluded, a POA has your power of attorney - NOW. That POA can make decisions for you, even if you don't like them, as soon as he or she is authorized. After you're gone, your estate can have an executor, but no one can act as your POA once you are dead.

As to deciding who should be your executor, as far as I am concerned, it doesn't matter if your children get along with each other. It only matters if they will screw each other over.

Choose the most objective, trustworthy child. Sorting out their jealousies is one of the normal burdens of adulthood, and they will either work things out, or they won't, and you don't have any control over the outcome either way.

You might also meet with your children as a group and talk about this. Put this choice to them: One of them can act as the executor, and settle your estate with minimal administrative expense. Or you can appoint an attorney, who will take a hefty fee for every minute of his time and the kids get to divide what's left when he's done, if anything.

I've linked you to a website that can clarify some of these points for you.

Good luck.

Answer 5

I would give power of attorney over to the oldest child or the main care giver. If you give it to the oldest all the other children will understand that it was because he or she was the oldest and nothing else. But if one of your children is your primary caregiver then I would turn it over to them since they would be the ones that were taking care of you the most. Here again the other children would understand because the caregiver child is taking on the most work and is with you more often and would know more about your finanical situation. Your children dont nessacarily have to agree with everything that is going on concerning your welfare and health decisions. Those are things you need to write down now in your will. Like being put on life support and how your money is to be spent and burial, things like that. But being power of attorney over your estate is a big job and alot of work so you need to get the wisest one to do the job. Also the most compassionate one to do the job. I wouldnt put all three as power of attorney because all that will happen is your children will be fighting all the time over everyday decisions. So no, I dont think that would be a good idea at all. When children are making decisions for someone they love things can get to the point where they end up never speaking to one another again. Its best that one of your children know all your wants and needs and what you have than for all of them to know.

Answer 6

I worked as a certified nursing assistant for 2 years at a convalescent home. In my experiences there and talking to the social workers, they recommend making someone other than a family member your power of attorney. Mostly because when it comes down to it the decisions are harder to make on family than say a real attorney. They say to pick someone that will follow your wishes completely as you have outlined them and not as to make it easier on themselves. I personally was the POA when my mom had major surgery. Generally the POA makes decisions if something bad were to happen to you and they will know if you want to remain on life support etc. An estate manager would be better for dealing with property, back accts and so on. I hope this helps.

Answer 7

Yes it gets messy. At least you have three, so there could be a majority rule (if that's in your POA). But a POA is not for "after you're gone," it gives someone power over your finances, medical care choices, etc., while you're alive but not competent. After you're gone, your will will be probated (if necessary) and an executor assigned; that person will be in charge of your estate. Perhaps there's a different use for POA in your state, but I'd check with your estate planner / attorney to be SURE you know what you're doing.

Answer 8

Do NOT put all three on. It's not majority rule and it will make them fight more. Give it to a trusted friend or one of your siblings. Tell your children what you have done and why. Tell them the POA can be changed at any time (which is true) and you may change it when they have a calmer relationship. I'm a lawyer who does estate planning and you should have one person on the POA with one alternative who can act if your first choice is unable. Don't create a situation that causes more disagreements among your children by putting all three of them on the POA. It's hurts them and you.

Answer 9

Although I hate to say this, you need the advise of a good attorney. I'm not sure giving three people a power of attorney is a good idea - would they all three have to agree on each thing or would only one, independently, be able to use the power - food for thought.
Is this a limited power of attorney or a general power of attorney?
A general power of attorney gives the person tremendous access to your assets and property.
See an attorney.

Answer 10

It's customary to give POA to the eldest. It might be messy with all three. If your will is specific enough and if the other siblings feel as though the POA isn't honoring your wishes, then they will have the opportunity for legal recourse.

Answer 11

You should contact a licensed law professional about this. Personally, if I were you, I would find a younger boyfriend (or an older gentlemen with adult children) and make your kids sweat a little.

I do not mean to make light of your situation, but I have seen families fight and disinigrate over this sort of thing.

Anyway, I am sure it will work out for the best. Always use the pros, they spend a lot of time studying law and passing the bar.

Good luck!