I re-married my ex-husband last year and it failed again....during this time he adopted my daughter b/c her real father won't have anything to do with us. However we lied and said he was the real father to get his name on the birth certificate. Now we are divorced again and do not get along, and I want his name taken off the birth-certificate and I want her to have my name again. He is still considered her father though, he loves her very much. Is this right? Having a hard time choosing, b/c the selfish side of me wants to take his name off so that I will have say so in my daughter's life completely.
2007-01-09 02:14:23 · 22 answers · asked by just me 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Ahhh what a tangled web we weave... You made the choice honey, you gotta step up and be responsible, to yourself and your daughter. You may hate him now, but if he and you both felt that he would be a true father, then I would carry on like that is the case. I am sure you could use the additional financial support. if he doesnt want to do this, he will get a blood test. Maybe you should try to invest more energy in keeping your relationships together instead of starting and ending them whenever you feel like it. These are real people we are talking abotu, not just pawns in your game.
2007-01-09 02:19:16 · answer #1 · answered by cici 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That is pretty selfish of you because he is willing to take this girl as his own even though he knows it's not. The other thing is he doing this and the real father isn't. I'm pretty sure even though he's not her biological father he still her father because he help raised her. Plus wouldn't it be nice for your daughter to have a father figure in her life because she still seems young and if you do just say out of no where this is not your father it's going to confuse her and cause her problems in life. She'll begin to question who she is, who's her real father, and why doesn't he want her. You never know though you and your ex-husband may become good friends after all the heat has cooled down and you might feel bad later if you take his name off as the father.
2007-01-09 10:21:21 · answer #2 · answered by Mina 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First: you committed perjury, in order to have his name on a birth certificate. If anyone wants to push that issue, both of you might wind up in jail. Second: though you two don't get along, he still loves a child that is not his biologically. You don't have to love each other anymore, but your daughter needs a stable father figure, even if he is not in your life. Third: whatever issues you two have, GET OVER IT. You have moved on, he has moved on. If necessary, get counseling and mediation for the both of you. And most importantly, don't lie on anymore forms. That is a quick trip to jail, and your daughter won't have you at all. When we break up, we hold on to anger. It destroys us and hurts our relationships with others. Do you want your child to get less that the best from you, because you're still angry at her "father"? Let it go. Be bigger than him. Let him be the father, and make arrangements. And let your life be the best revenge; live it to the fullest! Good luck and God bless.
2007-01-09 10:32:48 · answer #3 · answered by Judy W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK I know how you feel I have been married 3 times. I'm 31 and I have 2 children who are my bio kids and now 3 > my step son who I am adopting. His mama abandoned him.
I'm a mommy and can understand the hurt your feeling toward this man but listen...does your daughter love him? Is this the only daddy she knows? Why take that love away from her because your hurting. I know its going to be hard to see him when he takes your daughter. You said he loves her and that's really not fair to her or him. Reach into your heart over look the hurt and be a better person then a lot of people are these days. I know you want to scream and hurt him and get him the hell out of your life. but really you made this chose years ago for your daughter, you did put him on the birth certificate you made her be a part of his life and him hers. Just because you 2 are done does not make it done for them. I really feel for you, I know its hard, believe me sister I know! If you need some one to talk to you can email me. The heart is treacherous as states even in the bible it self. I know your heart is hurting for the loss of your marriage but don't let that cloud your love for your child and what he or she needs = a daddy.
Plus you should get some kinda support from him thats a must!
Thanks,
Rainofawildflower@yahoo.com
2007-01-09 10:30:38 · answer #4 · answered by rainofawildflower 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's very selfish of you. Children are not a gift that can be taken back. If she and he consider themselves daughter and father, I consider it unjust of you to deny their relationship unless there is (real, not just made up to get sole custody) abuse.
By the way, to get him off would require you to admitting the original birth certificate was based on lies. Are you willing to face possible criminal charges or end up dragging her bio dad into your life? Think about it. It sounds like you are doing this out of anger and no other reason.
2007-01-09 10:23:07 · answer #5 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he adopted her, he is her father and his name should be on her birth certificate. I think you're being very selfish and not thinking of your daughter at all. Don't put her through more trauma than she's already going through. AND, even if you took his name off, he is STILL legally her father and he has as much say-so as you do.
Furthermore, you CANNOT just "take his name off" because he is legally her father, just as if he were the biological father. You would have to take him to court and terminate his rights, and that is a very, very costly and drawn-out process.
2007-01-09 10:19:58 · answer #6 · answered by spelling nazi 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Leave him on the Cert. he obviously cares for this child and wants to be her Father even though it is not his child. I believe every child needs a Father and a Mother to raise them. A daughter especially needs a strong willed Father that she can look up to. If he is a good Father and treats her with care and respect she will look for those same qualities in her future husband/boyfriends.
2007-01-09 10:40:00 · answer #7 · answered by liquid_dwayneo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When I say what I'm about to say please don't take it personal. Sweetheart you are being a little childish when it comes to something as simple as your daugthers last name leave it as it is hell that name may pay off in the future for your daughter. And if you all lied to get her his last name you me be opening up a can of worms that you may not want to open up.So take the time to cool off and be levelheaded about this.
2007-01-09 10:24:32 · answer #8 · answered by cwallflower32 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Put aside your feeling for him for a minute. Does he love your little girl? Does she love him? Have they bonded? Is he a good father? Will he be there for her? If the answers are all "Yes" then put your feeling aside and put your Little girl first. She deserves a father. It doesn't matter if he is her biological father,. Remember any male can be a father but it takes a special kind of guy to be "Daddy"
Good luck.
2007-01-09 10:22:00 · answer #9 · answered by cranky_gut 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow...what a mess!!
Dont act out of your resentment towards your ex (x2). Put your daughter first and dont entangle her in your mess.
I suggest you settle down in a proper relationship so your daughter can have some stability in her life.
P.S. If in a few years time you feel the urge to marry your ex again.....DONT DO IT!!!
2007-01-09 10:29:15 · answer #10 · answered by Flower Power 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋