I have serious control issues with my husband, HELP?

Question

My husband and I have been married for just 5 months after dating for six years. We thought we had been through it all, and it was probably close, but since I've gotten pregnant (19 weeks along) I am constantly on his back and often rude to him and I don't realize it until after the fact and he's upset. I find myself acting just like my manipulative mother, something I never wanted to turn into. I get mad if he doesn't do what I want, and that's not like anything I've ever done. So, in turn, I get upset, cry, apologize, and promise to try to change or get a handle on it, but it just keeps happening. I love him and I want this marriage to work, he is wonderful to me, such a wonderful man. I need advice on how to control the urge to be mean. He really is the best thing that happened to me, ever, and I need to learn how to show him a lot better-- before it's too late and I push him away.

Please help! Thanks!

Answer 1

Congratulations to you for recognizing your faults and wanting to correct them -- far too many people want to blame others. Here's a technique to try. Take out a piece of paper and write, "When I am being rude or criticizing my husband, some words I use are . . .". Then, list the most common key words that you say. For example, when you're getting angry, you might normally say, "You never think about how I feel." In this case, "you never" would be a key phrase. If you criticize through insults, what are the most common ones you use? A half dozen or so should be enough. Once you have the list, read over it a few times, and read it every morning for a week or so, until you're sure you have a good handle on what's there. In the meantime, you should feel free to revise the list as needed. After making the list, listen to yourself. Catch yourself whenever you say one of the phrases. When you do, stop whatever you are saying immediately and apologize. At first, it will take awhile to catch yourself. Feel free, though, to post your list in plain sight and let your husband help you catch yourself. With practice (this is a skill, and you have to practice skills to get good at them), you will catch yourself earlier and earlier. If you stick to this technique, within 2 weeks or so you will get to the point where you can catch yourself before you even start to be rude or critical. Once you get there, the problem is solved!

Answer 2

chick your emotional its allowed. god punished eve by giving her childbirth pains and god punished adam with a nine month gestation period!! get him a book on the "joys" of pregnancy and let him know that its normal and not in anyway personal. tell him that if you get out of control that he can use a safety word like spugels that means Ur acting like a total B. and believe me it will diffuse the whole situation. im sure he understands that this isnt you its your hormones and after 6 years im sure hes willing to put up with a few months of grumpy you for a lifetime with you and your child. in between "crazytime" remind him how sorry you are and how much you love him etc. remember that when you scream at him that if he screams back you might be in the wrong. go for a walk, think about it, ask us here if your stuck and realise that he could be right and you could be wrong (these things do happen sometimes lol)

but seriously you two can work this out. go to your doc too. he might suggest something to regulate your hormones.

all the best chick,
hope it all works out for you.

Answer 3

It would do you both some good to go to the doctor appointments together and perhaps get some couples counseling. You say your mother is manipulative and you never wanted to be like her. There are obviously unresolved issues from your past. Your pregnancy and the fluctuating hormones are only exacerbating the emotional issues you already have. I'm not saying this as an insult. I'm saying it from my own experiences. Counseling will help if you let it.

Answer 4

I was like that too, pushing my husband away and wasn't meaning too, but by the time I realized it, he was angry and we would argue. What you need to get into the practice of doing is, think before you speak, try to predict his reaction before you say it, also ask yourself if its worth saying.... if it's not, let it go. Somethings just need to be let go. Being pregnant makes it hard, because of your hormones, this makes your feelings and issues feel more intense than normal. He is ganna have to try to work on this with you. Sit him down and communicate. Tell him how much he means to you and that you don't intend on upsetting him, it just happens. Ask him to give you a heads up.... by saying honey, your doing it again, or something that wont trigger you to get upset, but will trigger you that it's time to hush up. Good luck.

Answer 5

You are pregnant so your hormones are doing crazy things right now. I'm not saying you can't do anything about it though. I think you just need to think before you speak...take a deep breath and think for a minute before you react. Having a baby means alot of changes for both of you so it's important for you 2 to stay a team. Try to keep all of those good things about your husband in the forfront of your mind and try to talk things out instead of letting them get to you.

Answer 6

It is probably just hormonal mood swings.Just breathe and try to relax more.Also focus on thinking about what you say before you say it if you have to dont say anything at all!unless nessary!i am sure this will pass and if he is as loving and great as you say he will understand.Also if this does not get better try talking to your doctor about it maybe they can help.Otherwise maybe therapy or talking to a friend/or family member might help you?

Answer 7

talk to him and tell him that it's not a normal you and he knows it. it's probably because of your hormone change. ask him to treat you like you're on a long term PMS and not to take anything personal about what you say and do which are rude and irregular. he needs to learn to be ultra caring and attentive during your pregnancy and you need to adjust and be aware of your changes also. learn to control your mood by paying attention to your breath when you're getting mad and emotional. find ways to not lead to nasty conversations like walk away, go take a walk, say time out and etc. good luck!

Answer 8

Don't blame yourself, your hormones are changing, you need to talk with your doctor and tell her what to do about it and tell your husband to be patient cause this is not the real you but your hormones that are changing.
You need also to control yourself, otherwise you gonna drive crazy that good husband and he might end up giving up on you! Be smart and do something about it.

Answer 9

Take him with you to your next dr. appointment. Talk to the doctor with your husband in the room. This is perfectly normal, your hormones are crazy right now. I'm sure the doc will tell you the same thing.

Answer 10

You are a ball of hormones for about 17 more weeks. When you feel a little better, tell him you are sorry for your zany behavior and go out of your way to make him feel good and appreciated. Apologize in advance for your unpredictible pregnancy-induced psychosis.
Bring this up with your doctor on your next visit.