My ex and I live down the street from each other. We share custody of our youngest child who is almost 11. I feel that it makes her feel secure to have us nearby and also being in a familiar neighborhood where all her friends are, etc. He says it is not normal. We have always tried to remain civil for the kids because it was not their choice to have divorced parents. It makes it so much easier for the two older kids (17 and 21) who live with him to pop over and see me also. Now he is talking about moving to another county because he can't handle being so close. We have been divorced almost 5 years(he's engaged and I live with someone,i have since we seperated. I want my kids to grow up secure, please help?
2007-01-09 01:31:07 · 14 answers · asked by emmys momma 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
wow! i am in the same exact situation! i am the man, she lives in the same neighborhood, we share custody of 2 children, she has a boyfriend, i am engaged and living with some one. and we are civil, but actually aren't to fond of each other. this is a wonderful situation for all the obvious reasons!! we decided to think of our children first and foremost, and that keeps everything else in perspective. your ex is not keeping them above himself, and this will upset a very delicate balance for your kids. he is dead wrong, and is obviously not over you, regardless of his current relationship. when he had kids, he committed to their needs above all else, and that should not change for any reason. he needs to set aside his issues, and do what is best for them, as you are doing. if can't or refuses. then i'd have to suggest trying to get full custody......the courts want what is best and most consistent for the kids. the court will not want the kids bouncing to another county or another school, neighborhood, etc...you are in the ideal situation right now for the kids, and i hope you can keep it. fight for it! good luck, and i hope you will let me know how it turns out. also, if you need more advice or anything, feel free to e-mail me at beechjb@yahoo.com.
2007-01-09 01:50:18 · answer #1 · answered by beechjb 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know but the 17 year old and the 21 year old are pretty dame secure and grown for you to be worrying about that. Now the 11 year old will need support. But sweetie do you really like to live close to him or is it because deep down you feel that you'll can get together again or at least have a little fun here and there...that will not make your children more secure, trust me...let it be the past is the past. The children will be fine and life will be easier if you let everything go from your past...
2007-01-09 01:53:03 · answer #2 · answered by lasugarfree 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The 21 year old and the 17 year old will handle it with no problem. The 11 year old will just have to grow up a bit faster but its not like youngest can't call the the Dad if necessary.
It used to be traumatic to be separated but with email, cell phones and instant communications its not as bad as it used to be.. its been 5 years for pete sakes.. get married and give the 11 year old and you some security yourself!
Divorce is rotten but you made your choice now live with it.
2007-01-09 01:36:35 · answer #3 · answered by Tapestry6 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think maybe he either needs to grow up or that maybe the person he is engaged to is the one who has a problem with it?I do not see it as unhealthy it is probably a lot better for you kids!that you two live in the same area which you should tell him.I think he is being selfish and just wants to put you out of sight and mind now that he is re-marrying but the point is you have kids together so he can cut out that idea!It is perfectly normal if you want it be to live in same area as an ex. husband or wife if both partys are on good terms and behave amicably.You should try talking to him with maybe a mediator to communicate wheather profesional or a family member.Also tell him not to be so selfish /immature but if he does move there is nothing you can do really.
2007-01-09 01:42:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Although you want your youngest child to feel secure you can't stop him from moving. You should just explain to her that her dad is moving and that you all will love her the same and that she can still be just as close as before. Tell her that they should start helping you save money for a car when she turns 16 so she can drive her self over there. As a mother, you should be encouraging her to make new friends and meet new people.
2007-01-09 01:39:19 · answer #5 · answered by lilbitt_637 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow I find it strange that after 5 years it suddenly becomes unhealthy> That is what is odd perhaps the fiance is the reason for the sudden change? I would talk to him and see just what is making him so uncomfortable all of the sudden. I think it is awesome that you remained friends and your children got to have the best of both worlds. I would hate to see that end for your daughter.
2007-01-09 01:40:16 · answer #6 · answered by blueblossom33 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your 17 and 21 year olds are old enough to get over it. Your 11 year old will adapt. Your husband is right. If you are divorced move on.
2007-01-09 01:35:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he wants a change. I Think it is wonderful that you 2 work so well together for the bond between your children . That is very important for th children. Be patient with him!!!
My ex find out I remarried and told me let my new husband take care of his 3 children. My children resent him and he does not understand why. He says that I brainwashed them. Each day that he does not make an attempt to contact his children he makes it harder on their relationship.
2007-01-09 01:40:02 · answer #8 · answered by purpleone726 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I may be too young being only 22 and with two kids one not being born yet, but it sounds to me like he was getting haslted about it from some of his friends maybe? or .... well i dont really know sounds to me like that woulda been kinda nice having two parents living that close together to run away to.
2007-01-09 01:36:43 · answer #9 · answered by fretnoise21 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well it is nice for the kids much more convenient having u both around, its not normal hes right its better than normal, cos usually slpit up parents live quite far away from each other which is bad
2007-01-09 01:35:23 · answer #10 · answered by blakorkid 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋