I had a one nighter with a friend of a friend. He was married and I ended up pregnant. He got divorced and remarried later. He has never seen his son. He doesn't pay child support either. He called last week and wants to have a relationship with me and his son now. It' s been 11 years, why now.
I am in a relationship now, but am not totally happy. My son's father wants a chance to make me happy. What do I do? I am confused.
2007-01-09 01:17:38 · 19 answers · asked by Deborah 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
There's a lot of missing information for anyone to really give you some solid advise, unless a reader happens to be a professional, but here's some thoughts.
You have to look at the "why" there was no contact in 11 years...it might be that he was afraid of ruining his marriage (that failed anyway it seems)...maybe he did have a feeling for you & his son. If you're not happy now, look at why. I get the feeling that you would like to have a relationship with your son's father and that's a missing piece of your life.
Maybe you need to try to create a relationship with him to see... but go very slowly....very slowly...you have to remember the affect of this on your son (and that can depend a lot on what you've told him about his dad & the lack of any relationship).
Remember, even if it doesn't work out, maybe that will still give you some of the answers that it seems you need to find.
2007-01-09 01:27:37 · answer #1 · answered by mottthedog 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is predominantly about your son,,,do you want him to know his father,,yes it has been 11 years but soon he wont be a child any longer and may decide to seek out his father anyway,,,are you ready to tell him that you stopped contact even thought the father wanted to see him? this is a separate issue to the one where you all suddenly become this secure family and do try not to succumb to the 'grass is greener' syndrome,,it isnt always so,,,,it has taken him 11 years and two marriages to contact you so dont place too much confidence in this relationship,,,he actually needs to prove he is willing to jump through your hoops and commit to showing you he can and will be a constant father and not one who can change their mind at a moments notice,,it happens,,they arrive one day,,the next,,for a few months and then nothing,,no call,no contact and for your son this will be painful.step back and prioritize,,,your son could get hurt,,you could rush into another relationship with him and lose all so choose wisely,you need to know what is certain before you can do anything and if he actually wants the best for his son,,not you,,he will wait and not push,,trust is earned not given away to someone who has no status in your life,and he doesnt.
2007-01-09 01:30:28 · answer #2 · answered by lex 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't take this in a bad way but your son has a right to know his biological father.
I have had an issue similar to yours and my resolution was once my son was old enough to understand the situation I would let him choose wether he wanted to have a relationship with his real father. and the only difference in our situations is his father chose NOT to be in his life at birth till now( 6 years later). This is a hard decision to make and honestly is all comes down to it is no longer an issue between yourself and the missing father but its all what is in the best interest for your son. A very tough decision to make but don't make a decision to quick and don't let anyone choose it for you. Take your time and think about what would be best for your son!
2007-01-09 01:31:39 · answer #3 · answered by beccantrey2002 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have made a commitment to your current relationship. Unless the person you're with does something to ruin that, there is always ways to make things better. Who's to say being with your son's father will gurantee a happy relationship. If he wants to establish ties to his son let your boy decide whether he wants to or not.
2007-01-09 01:26:25 · answer #4 · answered by kmax1232 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Open your mind and heart to new possibilities. If nothing else, do it for your son. There is no better time than now for your son to begin to have a father. Give it a shot. See if he can back up his words and make you happy.
2007-01-09 01:22:09 · answer #5 · answered by . 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
U cant denied a father to your son but you can denied a relationship with him. You don understand each other then, not to mention now. Give yourself time to understand him. Dont rush into a relationship with him yet. Hope tat time will let you know what to do next. Good Luck to you!
2007-01-09 01:36:59 · answer #6 · answered by Joy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Eeek, no. He was a married man who got another woman (you) pregnant! How do you think he wouldn't do the same to you down the road?
I am all for him having a relationship with his biological child as he SHOULD. And, he should be supporting this child. But...to allow him in to your personal life and actually consider him in further ways is crazy talk!
2007-01-09 01:23:53 · answer #7 · answered by Rach 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your ex can meet his son, but you don't really know that guy, I mean if that guy were interested in you he should had look for you long ago not now.. So he wants to mess up your life again and give you another child for him to disappear again.. I should stay where I am and work for my marriage instead of putting myself at risk..
Don't even consider that at all!
2007-01-09 01:41:33 · answer #8 · answered by getting_a_new_life 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Geez you dont really know this guy. You slept with him once 11 years ago. I think you need to take some time and make this person at least get to know you. For all you know this guy could be an ex-convict or God knows what else. Do not rush into any decision.
2007-01-09 01:22:44 · answer #9 · answered by jim 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As far as your relationship with this man... only you can decide.
However, as far as his relationship with his son... If the kid is 11, talk to him and find out if he wants to meet his dad and / or have a relationship with him.
You still get to make the final decision, but it's worth a chat with your son to find out how he feels.
2007-01-09 01:23:14 · answer #10 · answered by trigam41 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋