My friend has asked to come and see me tonight as she's been very upset recently over her relationship. I'm really struggling to think of advice that I can give her.
She has been with her boyfriend for about 9 months, he moved into her rented house after being with her for about 4 months, which I thought was a little fast considering she lives with her 9 year old son. After 2 months of living together, they decided to buy a house together. So after 6 months, they made a financial commitment. I had reservations which I CAREFULLY told her, but they went ahead anyway.
She is now about 16 weeks pregnant with his baby. When they first found out, they were ecstatic, but now they have moved into their new house, she is desperatly unhappy.
I know that she will have alot of hormones flying around, which wont be helping. I want to give her advice to help her feel happy again, but all I can see is the end of the relationship. I want what's best for her, her son and the baby.
2007-01-08 22:17:36 · 9 answers · asked by Emily 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First of all your friends hormones will be flying around and she will be very scared/weepy and all she will want to do at first is unload on you which is what good friends are for.
She will need you to be non judgemental and more than anything listen to every single word she has to say.
When she has finished what ever she asks always try and ask how do YOU FEEL try and make it so she answers her own questions because at the end of the day any decision she makes about her situation has to come from her and not others as she has to live with those choices and if you advise it may come back to haunt you later.
They have just made a huge financial commitment together so money may or may not be a huge problem. If she works the prospect of loss of income will be worrying them both hense causing problems now.
They have also made a huge emotional commitment baby so that may or may not be of a worry.
All relationships go through a honeymoon period and then one way or another it is make or break they have had a long period of honymoon and now all the excitement has gone reality has set it this is normal however reality has come as a shock for her by the sound of it.
She needs the reasurance that what she is experiencing is normal in relationships and she is not on her own.
That she needs to talk openly,honestly as she can about how she is feeling with him and not you. He may be just as worried as she is men hide it better and tend not to talk to others about feelings.
The trick is to get her to answer her own questions by asking her how she feels about this or that.
I hope that has helped be prepared for tears and unrational thoughts from her as it sound as if "Oh my god what have i done" has just set in so she will be scared.
2007-01-09 02:35:04 · answer #1 · answered by momof3 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Theres not much you can say that will make her feel any better, its human nature to want to give the people you love all the answers to there problems but this isnt usually poss. I did a basic counselling course this year and learned the best thing you can do is listen, smile nod and feed back bits of what she has told you so she knows you understand but just let her get it off her chest. I have been having a hard time myself lately and the people i find most comforting are the ones who just listen, they arent trying to tell me what to do just letting me talk. Usually talking through your problem helps you see the answer for yourself. Im sure you must be a good friend if she wants to come and talk to you x
2007-01-09 06:32:40 · answer #2 · answered by British*Bird 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be a good listener, sometimes you don't have to give advice, just listen and tell her to perhaps hold ona little longer.
Maybe ask what it is that is making her so unhappy and how does she thing she could solve the problem.
Most people know the answers to their own questions, sometimes they are just too scared to admit it. If you are not sure what to say, just be there for your friend and tell her that you will be there for her is she needs anything.
2007-01-09 06:24:02 · answer #3 · answered by Kitty Kat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen, listen, then listen some more. Ask her what she really wants - advice is ok but its only what you would like to do. Get her to realise what she really wants. Concentrate on now and the future - what is in the past cannot be changed so don't dwell there.
Good luck - incidentally - she wouldnt have asked to see you if she didn't already think you were a shoulder to cry on.
2007-01-09 07:15:40 · answer #4 · answered by intelligentbutdizzy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are a great shoulder already to care this much.i would continue to listen and find the underlying worry, seems to me she may be worried she will end up alone again, she should try to tell her fella how she is feeling, that way maybe she will learn to trust him a bit more and feel a bit more secure with her decisions. Ps sounds like she could do with a girlie cheer up session.
2007-01-09 06:29:50 · answer #5 · answered by placidma 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Advice is like the winter sun. It gives heat without light!
2007-01-09 06:23:49 · answer #6 · answered by Tom Cat 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree it is better to listen, she needs a sounding board more than advice
2007-01-10 04:07:19 · answer #7 · answered by jaygirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't give advice - just listen
2007-01-09 06:23:25 · answer #8 · answered by D B 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
listening can be one of the best things you can do!!!
2007-01-09 06:30:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋