Relationship trust problem...HELP!!?

Question

I got caught looking at porn, now the missus doesn't trust me and thinks i'm a devious deviant. I have been very foolish and cannot bear the fact that she no longer trusts me. i have tried reassuring her that it will never happen again but she doesn't believe me (can't say i blame her). I have made a huge mistake and ruined our family life. I am ripping myself to bits over this and need some advice as to wether it is possible for me to prove I am trustworthy (I am). I love my missus and son dearly and will never forgive myself if i lose them over this. i have genuinely learnt from this and would never do it again. any advice on what i should do to prove this would be appreciated.

i think it has more to do with me not being honest about it

Answer 1

Your wife porbably felt as though you no longer find her attractive, especially since bringing a child into the world, which can often leave new mothers feeling like this, epsically when having a child takes it toll on her body. But what's done is done, sit her down and talk to her with no distractions if possible. Let her know that you have addressed the problem, and have that you will no longer look. Dont try to explain why you did it, just simply apologise and let her know that you love her and your child and wouldnt want to risk loosing them. Then you can concentrate on building the trust again, though it has to be said that that does take time, and you have to patient. You, my friend have learnt a valuable lesson, and are wise enough to stop it now rather than pushing your luck, because if you did it could break down the whole family.
Some people are comfortable with their partner watching porn, I myself have stopped mine turning to it. He now finds it more of a turn on having 'fun' with me, and we try new things all the time. Problem solved for me.
I wish you well.

Answer 2

It seems you have done enough apologising and it is about rebuilding the trust. However, I think some of the problem may lie in the fact that women feel, generally, threatened by porn. The models in porn are always young and pert and your wife may feel that you are comparing her to these models and finding her lacking in comparison. So I would change the way you are handling this. It is absolutely natural for men to look at pretty women - as long as they don't touch (if they're married to someone else). So what you did wasn't particularly tactful or tasteful but it was entirely normal and you wouldn't be a red-blooded man if you didn't turn the pages of a girlie magazine. I would try reassuring your wife that she is as gorgeous as the day you married, that you find her physically attractive and interesting. I'd say something like: the girls in those pictures, they're not real and I bet they're thick as two short planks. So your wife knows that, while you looked, you still fancy her.
Don't beat yourself up about it. Some of the problem is in your wife's lack of self-confidence, just boost it for her. that should work.

Answer 3

I don't think it was the fact that you were looking at porn your wife has th issue with as some other people have just suggested. i think the issue she has is that you were sneaky about it and going behind her back. You should have been more open with her about it but then you know that already. You can't expect everything to go back to normal over night but you will have to earn your wife's trust back in time. it seems like you are genuinely sorry for what you did so make sure your wife knows that. If she thinks you are genuinely sorry and you regret what you did she will forgive you in time. Just make sure you don't keep anything from her in the future! the reason why she's so upset is because she's now thinking, what else is there she doesn't know about you? things will improve though. A nice meal out and few gifts wouldn't hurt either you know!!!

Answer 4

To be honest i think your wife is being a little unfair, ok so you got caught, you know how she feels so that should be the end of it. You need to sit down and talk through this, you havent had an afair you simply were having a look. From her point of view she has prob taken it as a personal insult, that your saying she isnt good enough for you so you need to look at more attractive women and your sex life isnt satisfying enough. These were the things that went through my head when i found my hubs porn but i understood it was my insecurity as all men look. She needs to know you find her attractive and are satisfied, you were just being a bloke. Good luck x

Answer 5

Trust is one thing, honesty is another. I he doesn't trust you then its just too bad. Its not going to work if he always thinks you're cheating. What kind of a relationship will you guys have that way. You can either talk to him and explain him you are not cheating and that he has to start trusting you or else its not gonna work, or just break up with him. No pint getting hurt just because he has trust issues.

Answer 6

Well, tell her that you feel you've let her down and why. Were you embarrassed? Sometimes a good old confession and explanation does the trick.
And perhaps a bit of time - I get as mad as a snake but after a while, I calm down.
BTW I suppose some women do manipulate men but that's not good, as per one of the chaps who answered this. Real remorse is the key. And its come across pretty clearly in your question.
Don't do stupid things like buying her flowers - that won't work. She;s really mad at you. But a bunch after she's forgiven you would be nice. Another my husband does is ask what he can do to make it better. I usually think of something.

Answer 7

Be honest with her. Tell her you won't do it again, but if you think that you might then tell her that. Porn is part of a guy's life (and some women's) - most women understand that without feeling threatened. Show her how much she means to you rather than tell her - women respond to actions rather than words.

Answer 8

its only porn!! stop feeling so bad you havent done anything wrong.
I am married with a young boy and my husband looks at porn all the time, sometimes I look with him. It has nothing to do with trust you are a human being if your wife has gone beserk then she is being very unreasonable and if she has any decent mates to talk to then they will hopefully make her realise that.
Good luck and dont feel bad about this xx

Answer 9

You need to reassure her that looking at porn is just something that most men do, it's no reflection on her or how you feel about her.

Answer 10

you seem like a nice guy, porn is ok but when sneaky about it doesnt help the female ego!! is she justified in her concerns? perhaps she needs reassurance and a bit of fun herself!