My husband has lied to me AGAIN!?

Question

My husband has lied to me in the past so turst has become an issue for us. To my knowledge he has not lied to me in about a year until recently when I discovered that he had done something that he had previously promised not to do (looking at porn). When I confronted him he appolgized for "hurting" me and told me he made a mistake. He also lied about the details (why, when, etc..). He told me that the reason he did it was because he did not think I would ever find out. He has aked me to forgive him but I am finding it difficult to do that. It seems logical to me that if he continues to lie or be deceptive when he does not think I will find out about something then he should not be trusted?? I feel that if an opportunity presented itself for him to cheat on me and he thought I would never know, he would cheat without a second thought. Please give me some thoughts on this because I am torn between being logical (and acknowledging that this will not be the last time) and my love for him.

Answer 1

I think this situation has it begining long back may be there were times when he used to see it in front of u n u have reacted badly. Slowly it leads to this... Its men nature n u cant avoid it. Its better to encourage him to see with u. Dont force him to leave it. And somewhere try to find some more reason like ur fitness, ur own sex apetite. Problems arises coz of many things. We cant blame only one side.

Dont be frustrated. Have a more positive approach. I know women have more ways to solve the problems

Answer 2

Welll sweetie, he will lie to you again. He probably has one going as I type this. It has been my experience that people who lie the way you describe, very rarely stop. Your logical self is right. You can not make an honorable man out of him so don't even try. You can't change him, the only one you have any control over is yourself and your reaction. Once you accept that he is a liar and you can never trust his word the better off you'll be. He's extremely immature and lies like a kid that gets caught with his hand in the cookie jar. The thing is if he'll lie about the little stuff, he'll lie about anything. I wonder how long the love will last if he keeps betraying your trust? Stay or go up to you, just know you can't make him better. Good luck.

Answer 3

I don't think your husband is a con man, despite his stupid lies. I believe him when he says he's ashamed of the real truth, so he makes up the more 'acceptable' and glamorous version he wishes he had... Although you would never lie to him, or to anyone about those topics, he obviously feels the need to cover up his 'failures' and 'look good' in your eyes. If you want more information as to why this is so important to men, read a little book called, "For Women Only - what you need to know about the inner lives of men" by Shaunti Feldhahn. Then you can begin to help him face the truths about himself and to not lie to you. But, I don't think he's an outright 'liar' in the manipulative, bad and evil way liars can be. He is insecure. Build him up. And definitely do not overreact to any perceived failure in him (love means acceptance anyway) since he is probably fearing your reaction most of all. Don't get rid of him. Help him.

Answer 4

OH MY GOD! What the hell is wrong the people that have answered this question. Listen here are the FACTS. Porn is not (by a long shot) ESSENTIAL to a man. Most men I know think its vile, tacky, and would consider it disrespectful to there partner, expecially if he was LYING about it to his wife.

To that guy who calls himself a marriage councillor. You are a pathetic abusive creep, I am a social worker, and if that is the way you speak about women, and in that abusive, disgusting tone, then you should be sacked - permanently.

Listen to me sweetie. Yes this man may be scared of telling you the truth, as you come down hard on him. But he has caused this situation in the first place. Liars lie, for whatever reason, so they can manipulate, control, and be selfish. Because thats what lying to a partner is. Its selfish. If it was a one off, I would say, why do you think your husband has had to lie to you? Have you been a little dominating? However if you have forgave and forgotten (probably the most important thing to keep your marriage solid) and he has done it again and again then you need to not ignore and forgive, but get to the root of the problem.
If he constantly lies, to keep you out of his business, then he shouldnt even be married in the first place. As marriage is simply about sharing your lives. If on the other hands he feels like he has to 'rebel' against your 'rules' and you are very bossy, then try slackening them, porn is not the WORST thing in the world, but I understand you worries about him cheating, SO relax, but ISSUE a firm and FINAL warning. Lie to me again and its finished FOR GOOD. Not all men are liars, emothionally restrained and love watching foreign women parade about wearing nothing pretending to enjoy sex with slimy men for pennies that they spend on drugs, their kids, or their girlfiends. My other half was so shocked when we watched it he said the women looked so sad, and bored, and lonely. Be strong, good luck, and I hope it all works out for you sweets x x x x

Answer 5

Sweety, if he keeps lying and it keeps hurting you GET OUT. I know it's hard being that you're married and you love him.But if you feel as if he would put your relationship at jeopardy you really have to leave.If he cant understand that what he is doing is hurting you, you need to find better. What kind of excuse is ''I never thought you'd find out'' MEANING if you didnt find out, you would never know.Atleast if he would have came and told you OK it dosent make it right but it helps alot! I wouldnt trust a man like that. I dont know what he has up his sleeve next or what he has done to me that I dont know about. I say give him a taste of his own medicine! You know what really hurts though? When the love of your life walks out on the relationship.It'll give him a good punch to the head and bring him to reality.He'll ask himself if porn is really worth his marriage! Give him a wake up call, sweety. Best of luck girl. You can contact me for support at [e-mail]

Answer 6

I see you are making a mountain out of a mole hill over something that is so trivial.

I think it's about time that women grow the hell up and quit whining about the guys looking at porn. And start asking themselves what have i become, just another boring piece of a ss for sex purposes. You may very well have become one of those types that just lay there til he get's his business done then you turn over and go to sleep.

Your husband still loves you and just be thankful he's just looking at porn and not out getting some on the side. Women who whine, snivel, and b itch about this subject need to shut the hell up about it and put some spice back into the sexual relationship and the husbands and boyfriends wouldn't be having the desire to look at porn.

Answer 7

A lot of women have a hang up with porn. A lot don't.

My wife doesn't like it at all but the woman I was in a relationship before I met my wife loved it. It was a big turn on for her.

But now to your question lying is lying...that's all there is to that. I don't lie to my wife...she asked me one time if I have looked at on-line porn I told her yes. She didn't like it but she hates to be lied to.

Hard to have trust in any relationship if one is going to lie to the other. Overall...just be honest.

Answer 8

Some men enjoy watching porn and really there is nothing wrong with that unless it gets to be obsessive. He should not have lied to you about it. In marriage you have to compromise on many things whether you like it or not. You should really try to find out what he likes about porn and maybe even watch it with him.

Answer 9

Everyone has the right to live his or her own life. And sometimes telling lie is mandatory if it hurts other person. I am sorry to say but expecting someone to tell ALL the truth is a foolish thing.

Answer 10

What's your problem with him looking at pictures....Ease up on him a bit and go buy him a Hustler or Penthouse Magazine...Obviously you have an issue with this and that is why he feels the need to lie about it....Thank your lucky stars he ain't out with a real woman......