Is Using Neuro lingustic Programing on someone to change them really a ethical?

Question

I am very confused. 2 years ago I was a very well balanced individual and then I started karate. There is a woman who I knew from the minute I met her I could never ever work well with. I kept my distance from her until we ended up in very close quarters in japan and she gave me the fright of my life. in that she claimed she was going to make a complaint about me and see me gone because she couldn't put up with me. I actually stopped mid argument and stared in shock. then my sensei kept telling me I was losing balance and not in control and that put me out of joint because I need my freedom to be. I am a very independant person the idea that someone would try to control me is very annoying. He uses NLP. I have been refusing to train, and i feel he is trying to change me into a person I don't want to be. I like the person I am. I don't want him to change me and I want to learn karate but I don't know how to tell him to stop. I feel violated by his actions

I have valid life experience of my and I have reasons for behaving the way I behave and i want those behaviour patterns respected. I don't want them altered and I really hate the person he is trying to shape me into I find myself becoming very angry and growling at him on a regular basis. I feel blocked in expressing myself and being able to defend myself against this woman because of stupid japenese hierachy rules.

I want to train in this club, but I want to explain to this person to stop using nlp becausing it is making me very unhappy. I don't like that he is trying to change and that he had never asked me if it was what I wanted.

I am zen buddist. I don't meditate to often and I think that is one of the reasons why my instincts are running against him. I am feeling very emotionally confused and mentally disturbed and reduced in confidence and sense of security. Its not so much that he stopped the argument as in he started using nlp after the argument happened.

Answer 1

No, I would say it isn't ethical to use NLP on someone without their consent. However, as far as I am aware, NLP is mainly used as a method for understanding one's own behavioural patterns in order to model *oneself*. It is used mainly in therapeutic contexts, where a person seeks it out and uses the methods to train themselves or in business contexts, where members of the group are encouraged to embrace the techniques. (This, IMO, is a rather slimy way of making the workers conform to the values of the business, turning them into robots whose personalities never get in the way of the complete reification of their roles. However, I would say it is done with their consent and that any worker who didn't like it would be able to mentally reject it.)

I also think, from what I've heard, that it would be very difficult to just take control of another person through NLP, particularly if, as in your case, there has been a clear indication of the attempt and you are actively rejecting it. Also, why would your sensei opt to use NLP on you right in the middle of an argument? I certainly haven't heard of NLP stopping a person in their tracks in the way you describe. If, indeed, as you suggest, this was all part of the NLP, I think you should consider taking the matter further (though, of course, it might be hard to prove).

Answer 2

I suggest that the problem is not his use of NLP but that he is using it badly. A correct use of NLP should involve true acceptance of who you are, which seems to be what you are asking for.

So how to explain that to him? I am going to try to find you some ideas from NLP that you can quote to him to tell him what he is doing wrong.

There is a concept in NLP of Rapport

"Rapport is the quality of harmony, recognition and mutual acceptance that exists between people when they are at ease with one another and where communication is occurring easily."

Obviously there is not much of this going on. So perhaps the first thing to say is "i don't think we have very good rapport"

And then you can say why - "For good rapport you have to have mutual acceptance, and i don't feel like we've got that. I need you to accept me as i am and stop trying to change me."

You could also say "acceptance is the first step to transformation" which i just made up, but it sounds good.. and is probably true...

after all that you might be able to say - "come on lets just train and forget about all this other stuff." If you are lucky it might just work. Of course dealing with annoying people doesn't generally go to plan... Good luck.

Answer 3

If you ask him to stop using NLP, there is a risk that he will continue doing so but more deviously so you can't see it. He has a right to use NLP equal to your right to not interact with him and go elsewhere. I'm sorry you WANT to carry on learning karate at this club, there is a loss if you leave, but the hard truth is that he is who he is and you cannot change him. Your choices are (a) to go elsewhere, or (b) to increase your inner defences sothat you are not affected by what you receive as his attempts to manipulate you. If you are going for the latter, have you considered Buddhist meditation?

Answer 4

No, i don't use social networking. i'm not a social guy or woman with the aid of nature, yet i don't think of i could besides... I attempt to not spend lots of time in front of a reveal. I verify my digital mail regularily, I many times bypass on Youtube (customarily for track - i'm a guitarist) and occassionally I bypass to Yahoo solutions... I do little study on line and that i under no circumstances use MSN messager like this manner of super form of of my friends. lots of the individuals i understand who're around my age (15-sixteen) spend approximately 4-6 hours each evening on facebook or msn. this is customarily pointless chatter that couls in simple terms as properly be performed at school here day, not to show over the telephone or certainly face-to-face with the guy outdoors of school. there is this manner of undertaking as being too related socially. i don't see why a guy or woman ought to be wearing on a verbal substitute with their pals all day. To me it type of appears like an invasion of privateness and a extensive waste of time. Having a social existence is relatively a stable undertaking - whether it is going to not grow to be your in simple terms existence.

Answer 5

so go to a differnet class with a different sensei. As to the woman i am very confused are you asking two seperate questions? If so what?

Answer 6

Stop going there and do your karat training somewhere else.