I trusted him and shouldn't have. He made me pregnant on purpose.?

Question

We're both 41. Everytime he puts condom he loses erection, so we do it without. He knew I wasn't on pill, but came inside.He may've rationalized it knowing I want children. He does too. Cultural diffs are too great for us to have committed relatship. He is Moroccan/Spanish;I'm American. He's chauvenistic; I expect respect. I think he's irrational; he thinks I don't live in the moment. The biggest problem now is I fear him, that he will take kid away and I'll never see him again. This is a man with abundant resources and can fly the kid away in his helicopter or sail away on his boat. He even told me he had spent time looking for a surrogate mother, and wanted to raise a son in the rainforest of Brazil. I made it clear I wasn't the one for that.I've seen goodness in him, but he has mother issues, so may not respect the value of mother/child bond. He just left country for 2 yrs., but his fave home is in U.S. near me. He'll be back. I'd like to not tell him, but fear repercussions. Help!

Of course I know it's half my fault. But we've been doing this a little while and he's been careful; for safety's sake, he usually didn't come through intercourse, so I didn't expect this from him. I thought with all his $ he'd be very careful. But he has so much he doesn't care. He said things that should've tipped me off about his little plan, but I wasn't catching on.

I feel like I have to make a decision in the next two months about whether to keep it from him (which I doubt can be done). Because if he knows I waited past a certain time, he would have a reason to resent me and not to trust me, and it may get us off to a bad start for which I'll suffer later.

Hopefully my worrying is for nothing and he wouldn't take the kid away. But something tells me the law is of no consequence here. None of his family live in the states.

Should I tell him?

It's so hard to explain. I know I look like a dunce, but you can't accurately judge me without knowing all the facts. Not on the pill because I was planning on getting pregnant by sperm donor in April. I haven't been having sex in the past 2 mos. He was the last one a few months ago. He had left town as he's working on a large stressful project, which, by the way, is fascinating to me. He came back into town for only four days. The guy's gorgeous, I'm lonely. I trusted that he wouldn't want me to get pregnant any more than I would want him to. Yeah, true, people lie. I believed him when he swore to having no STD's, and it seems to have been true. Are all you people really so perfect as to never make a mistake? Give it time, you'll **** up too.

Answer 1

Are you retarded? You have unprotected sex and you say he made you pregnant on purpose. I think you got pregnant on purpose. You're 41, don't you know how these things work?

Answer 2

I hear you loud and clear and now we have a situation that you need to make a commitment ,what will you do next with your baby. Do you want to raise a baby with him or not? It is a choice that you need to think it through? You can not live with a person that think different than you then you have to back down and run. He may not know anything if you move away and raise a baby by yourself. But if he has power and money you have to think harder and harder.I urge you to make up your mind by sitting down in a quiet place and ask yourself a question about what if you and him be together for the sake of your baby? or you are raising your baby alone and feel guilty about not telling his or her father while has to look at your back with fear of his retaliation. You are very healthy and mature I am sure you can make a hard decision for your own and you only can see better because, you spend your time with him. Thank you for asking this question and I am sure some lady out there has the same situation like you. I wish you the best and Happy New You 2007.

Answer 3

Wow. Why would you have unprotected sex with a guy like that? It seems like you would at least go on the pill. I guess you may have figured that out by now, though.

No matter his intentions, he has every right to know about his child and be a part of the child's life. The child also has every right to have his father. Plus, in the long run, it appears you would be cheating the child out of his rightful inheritance. So, I say that you have to tell him and then deal with the consequences. Do your best to have an open mind about everything and try to work out something with him. Since you don't want to get married, at least start working on a custody agreement. Get it done in the courts and express your concern that he is going to flee with the child. Have it documented. There is nothing more you can do. However, if you go into it openly and honestly, then maybe he will come around and show you the same respect.

There is nothing more you can do. If you run away and don't tell him about the child, you can get into trouble down the line. If you want to keep custody of your child, you have to be honest and show you are a good mother.

Answer 4

I would begin to reprimand you for being irresponsible but at this point it would do no good and this is your story and your path-- not my place. Learn the lesson that you cannot put your life in the hands of another because people are generally inherently selfish. You claim that you expect respect but your actions and your words are incongruent. You may want to learn to respect yourself before trying to get it from a man who is incapable of it. Personally I have found that I must have my own respect and look out for myself. When I genuinely do this and don't just offer respect lip service I attract people who have the capacity to respect me.

If you genuinely fear this man you should probably not tell him but simply end the relationship. Then you may want to investigate yourself and look at how you got yourself in this situation in the first place. You have chosen this. You may want to explore counseling.
Decide if you want to raise this child as a single woman or go through an abortion-- according to what is best for you. Get a full screen STD test ASAP and an AIDS test in six months from now (no sex for 6 months for accurate results). Chances are that if he is banging you like this he is most likely banging other women and possibly men as well.

Answer 5

Wow. Really, If it'll be see you later no less than holiday it down into a couple of paragraphs. I attempted rather tough to learn all of the main points however I nonetheless did not see the aspect approximately the ultimatum. Anyway, If you like him such a lot you're no longer going to go away. I suppose he must dossier for visitation of the youngster even though he demands to get a paternity experiment and even though he demands to allow Jill's husband recognise of the affair. I suppose seeing his baby is extra essential to him that protective Jill. Otherwise, possibly he's mendacity.

Answer 6

This sounds like a romance novel. A bad one. You shouldn't have been having unprotected sex with someone that you don't get along with. You have to tell him about his child because it takes 2 to tango. If you don't then you're no different than a kidnapper. On the other hand, if he's mentally unstable, then I would get a lawyer because the man needs to know about his offspring. You would want to know right? You're going to have to fight for custody. Perhaps it won't be that bad. Why not share the child? The kid can live with you and spend the summers with his father. Maybe you and your spanish/moroccan lover can even go to counseling and find love with each other after all. If you're not to be lovers then at least try to be friends. All I know is, you've made your bed, now lie in it. It's hard for me to have sympathy for women who sleep and get themselves pregnant with Mr. Wrong and they know it.

Answer 7

Let's start with this: withdrawal is not an effective way to prevent pregnancy, because there can be sperm before a man ejaculates.

Then, besides the pill, there are other methods, such as the patch.

Third, if you don't trust him, you shouldn't have sex with him. If you can't trust him about pregnancy, you can't trust him not to have a disease/STD.

If you want to keep the child, you need to consult a lawyer. At the least, I think you need counseling. Frankly, this whole relationship is so troubling and drama-filled that I think you should consider not going forward with the pregnancy.

Answer 8

find out your legal rights. if he has no respect now, i doubt that he will change. you know your situation better than anyone. don't let fear lead you. that's why he has been able to go as far as he has. Stand your ground get help,keep a paper trail and if anything goes down(Hope Not) you got your butt covered. there is always hope and a way. Stay strong Men like that are usually the weak one. Peace

Answer 9

Congratulations! You just learned the hard way the consequences of pre-marital sex. I pray that everyone that reads this can learn from your mistake.

Now you have some choices. You either have the kid and watch him/her like a hawk so that the father doesn't kidnap. Or you just let the father do what he wants. Or you could marry the father and go wherever he takes you. Or you could spend eternity in hell by getting an abortion.

Answer 10

If you knew this stuff before, why go on with relationship. Sounded risky to start with.
Anyway, it will not matter what he wants, I believe a Judge will decide in your favor, especially with him gone and no child support coming in. you may want to start asking around for a good paternity lawyer, and save up a little extra cash just in case.

Answer 11

Wow... you've got bigger issues here than you think. It sounds like a soap opera!
Seriously, stay away from him cuz he sounds like bad news. The fact that he "made" you pregnant on "purpose" is really just 50% his fault. You should've taken the pill or other backup method if you really didn't want to get pregnant. In any case, he sounds controlling, so do what you can to stay away.