I got to know a guy who is 14 yrs older and are together for a few mths. He told me he's single when we met and I believed him. But last few weeks ago a woman called me and said he's married and got 2 kids. Then recently I went to the registry of marriage to check whether he's married or not. OMG, He's married!!! Then now we arguing abt it and he's begging me not to leave him but then he also dun wanna leave his wife. Now I feel like I'm a vixen that go into another family but then I really love him. Should I continue with him??? Am I wrong??? I'm in my twenties...
2007-01-08 19:02:28 · 14 answers · asked by o_O 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I've tried to reason out with him and telling him that we do not have a future like this but then I will get soft-heartened when he looked sad and begging me not to leave him. I want him to be happy and not suffer. How to make myself more hard-hearted to pull myself away from him? We reasoned with each other for a long time. And he's a muslim and he said in muslim law he can get up to 4 wifes and he wanna take care of me... He actually married for 6 yrs which was arranged by his family. I know I shouldn't listen to all the craps he saying now but then I can't bring myself to hate him. What should I do to make myself to dump him without being soft-hearted???
2007-01-08 19:03:16 · update #1
Well you have 2 choices. You can hurt now or later.
1. It will hurt you to leave him now, but you will get over him and eventually meet someone who only wants one woman in his life, and that will be you. And why would you want to be with that liar anyway?
2. You can stay with him because you don't want to go thru the hurt of getting over him. However, eventually you will hurt (more than if you were to break up with him now) because as wife #2 you will have to put up with him bringing wife #3 and wife #4 into his life. Then you will have to live with the fact that you have to share him with 3 other women instead of 1.
Do yourself a favor and do the right thing. Usually the right thing is harder to do, but better in the long run. You're in your 20's, you're still young and as we all do you will make mistakes. But don't make this one. Don't waste your life on a relationship that started out as a lie. Think about this carefully. How will you feel being 1 of 4 wives, and who knows how many mistresses too?
I am sure that deep down you know what to do. Do the right thing. Good luck.
2007-01-08 20:23:17 · answer #1 · answered by Das 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Better get out while you still can. Don't think what he told you about being Muslim is right. If that was the case and he can have up to 6 wives, then why did his wife call you to let you know you are on her turf now. It's simple. Don't answer his calls and don't go near him. When you do, you are cheating on her with him. Trust me when your number is up, he's gonna cheat on you too and then you'll be the one calling the other female. You keep saying what you know is right and then you say ''BUT''. What you are really saying is no matter what anybody say, you are still gonna see this married man and possibly get dealt with by his wife and talked about because you have chosen to be a homerecker, a daddy stiller and trying to get other people to side with you is not gonna help your conscience. Oh sure you might feel mixed up about it now, but after you do a deed for so long, you no longer try to justify it, you began to think the world owe you something. It's a defense mechanism. You don't have a soft heart. Otherwise you would think about how his kids must feel when they don't have a father because their mother have put up with you all sneaking around for as long as she could and leave his butt and then see if he want to take care of you after child support and alimony have to be paid. If you are a young woman why don't you take care of yourself? You remind me of this old song. '' GIRL YOUR HUSBAND IS CHEATING ON US''
2007-01-09 03:30:06 · answer #2 · answered by Go GO Ressa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally I feel that you are being cheated by the guy when he tell you he is not married which turn out to be otherwise. You have to be brve if you wants to leave him. In an Asian country you are seem as the third party that destroyed others family, so as to whether you should continue with him very much depends on your own thinking.
In any relationship, there is no such thing as right or wrong. But in my opinion if you feel that by breaking up another family is wrong, you shouldn't carry on with it. You need to put a stop to this sort of problem. I believe that there are many guys better out there for you.
2007-01-09 06:39:51 · answer #3 · answered by Clown & Joker 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not a vixen... But you're right in that you don't have a future with this guy. Don't be thinking about HIM so much - think about YOURSELF. Because if you don't - who will? Obviously, he's only pursuing his own interests here - the interests of his family or of you are not important to him. So, pursue your own interests, be your own advocate - leave. He can cry and be sad all he wants - he put himself in a situation like this, not you. He made his choices, he's a grown adult, and he will just have to get over this little miscalculation of his and find a new victim to console him. Obviously, your future is important to you; well - act in the interests of it. Life is so short, there really isn't much time to waste on such liars and manipulators.
2007-01-09 03:22:53 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My girl run and run as fast as you can. Men like that have problems and will repeatedly hurt women in their lives because they need help. There is nothing you can do but be in the way. One thing you can do to stop him is to sue him for misleading information and that will cure him forever. His wife is probably completely unsuspecting of these goings on. For your own good walk away. Rather a little hurt now that a lot of pain not only for you but for his family. He is an insensitive jerk and causing you to sin in the process. Run away and fast. Repent of this deed and ask God to break all soul ties with him. You dont deserve this. Run my child run and as fast as you can!
2007-01-09 03:12:26 · answer #5 · answered by uniquechild 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
let it go u are too young to be stressed out with a married man that is not going to leave his wife. don't you want ur own man. u would feel sooo much better if u didn't have to share. and plus if the shoe was on the other foot u wouldn't want that done to u.
2007-01-09 03:08:52 · answer #6 · answered by babygurl 26 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are very young to commit not only to an 14 year older person, but to another culture. think it over. He doesnt think of this situation as you do because his a muslim. And probably the wife doesnt either.
2007-01-09 03:33:19 · answer #7 · answered by Happy hippie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let it go, he will cheat on you when he is thru with you too. You deserve to be with someone who loves you and only you. You are young and still have many oppurtunities. He already lied to you. Let it go and let him figure out his own marital problems. You will be happier in the future.
2007-01-09 03:17:31 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont you dare let him give you the .......ohhh poor me act!!
He has done nothing but lie to you!! and you seserve better than this.
Think about how his wife and kids will feel?.....I know you say you love him, but be strong and walk away...he's not worth it
2007-01-09 03:09:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you're in america, polygomy is illegal. If you really love him and are in a different country and all, you should talk to his present wife about possible futures, take her feelings into strong account. I hope it works out well for all parties involved... that said, good luck to you.
2007-01-09 03:08:15 · answer #10 · answered by Trey123 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋