I don't believe in the institution of marriage and I wouldn't take a man's last name even if I married him! But I do feel kind of bad because I know it means something to my man.
2007-01-08 17:15:06 · 15 answers · asked by Serene Queen 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I for one congratulate you for breaking the paternal order of Western Society. You have just as much of a right to carry on your family name and heritage as a man does, so I say no guilt necessary!
2007-01-08 17:21:43 · answer #1 · answered by Cat Loves Her Sabres 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think whatever the prior agreement was, it should be followed, and there's nothing to "feel bad" about. I believe in the "institution" of marriage (been married 3 times), but I have never changed my name - however, it's never been a problem for me to have my children carry their dad's last name, because mine is a pain-in-the-neck foreign name that is hard to pronounce, and I've always deemed it unnecessary to burden my kids with it.
2007-01-09 01:23:11 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you didn't give your children the choice did you!
You made that decision for them, which in itself is 'NOT' right
by any means.
They may grow up resenting you later on, as they may not feel the same way you do, especially about marriage.
Regardless of how you 'raise' your kids, one day they will be adults and may think 'totally' different to you.
What you have actually done is, you have alienated them already
from WHO, not WHAT their father is.
He 'is' their father and they should have his name.
The 'only' time i have ever heard of this is when two people have a kid betweem them, but are 'not' truly in love, and the relationship fizzled before the child was born/or shortly thereafter.
As I said, whether you believe in marriage or not, exactly 'WHO'
were you thinking of when you made this decision!
It certainly wasn't your guy or your kids!!!
2007-01-09 02:08:18 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you are going to have more bad feelings from your children because you chose not to marry their biological father than just not carrying his name. I really don't know what you are thinking, but the only protection you and your children have rest in marriage. Can you prove your children are his biological off-springs for the purpose of their: inheritance, insurance proceeds, health and medical matters, and any assets his estate may leave when he dies? If you can't prove to the gov't that they are without a doubt his biological children, they'll get nothing of his. So, even if you give them his name (which may also be important to them especially when they are in school and celebrating things like father's day), it proves nothing. You need a sample of his DNA (blood, semen, spit, hair, or skin) to compare with theirs for positive proof. Do this for the sake of your children, their legacy, and their future. The bad feelings are just beginning if you don't work to correct them now.
2007-01-09 01:48:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you should. Mine does not have his father's name and the one on the way won't have his father's name. Even though we are married. I just honestly don't see the point to changing your name when you get married. If changing a name is such a big thing then he can change his. Mine could careless about the last name and has even mentioned wanting to change his to mine.
2007-01-09 01:53:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
what if you used his last name as their middle names? That is, if he's with you. If he's not with you, you shouldn't feel bad at all. If he is, you could compromise by doing middle names. The kids in my family all (mostly) have their mother's maiden names as their middle names.
2007-01-09 01:20:17 · answer #6 · answered by prekinpdx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's your personal decision not to take your husband's last name. Maybe you could take both names. I think you should let your children decide what last name they want.
2007-01-09 01:19:41 · answer #7 · answered by jjc92787 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no, why should you feel guilty.. I gave my daughter my last name. I am her full time parent... don't listen to these guilt trips... people get stuck in there ways... what is more important.. a child rasied in love? The last name doesn't matter. Kids can be happy with your last name or happy with his.... it doesn't matter to the child's raising or happiness...
2007-01-09 13:31:25 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if it means more to him than it does you give the child his last name.Just because you dont believe in something he shouldnt have to pay for it. Think of it with both parents in mind. No matter what they are still your children.
2007-01-09 01:22:33 · answer #9 · answered by mandy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So you put it on yourself to screw your kids up because you have issues with men! good for you. I take it your maiden name is and always will be your fathers?
2007-01-09 03:40:20 · answer #10 · answered by ckgene 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋