i found gay porn in my best friends locker?

Question

Me (im 16 and st8 is as they come) and my bestfriend are on the water polo team, we have been best friends from the 5th grade and i mean he has my locker code and i have his but he always said he wouldn't give me his combination to his locker in the boys lockerrom, well i still gave him mine. I mean i didn't have anything to hide, i mean we like shower together naked. So i thought something was suspicous, so each time i looked secretly took note of his combination until i figured it out. One day after school i came to llok what was inside and i found gay porn. i immdeiately slammed the locker door closed. and i said jesus. i was really shocked because he didn't look gay (he has blue eyes with blond hair) and he sure dosen't act or sound gay. And i really feel bad because i always joke around about gays i call them quuers fag and i also said there disgusting and a whole bunch of other crap because i didn't want him to think that i was gay. And his parents protest against being gay.

Answer 1

1) What you did was really dishonest. If you do tell him what you did, you need to apologize.

2) Don't expect him to apologize to you for keeping secrets. He had a right to, especially since both you and his parents have made negative comments about the GLBT community.

3) Don't mention what you found to anyone...not even some nice girl with glasses that you think won't tell anyone. She will.

4) He is still the same person you were always friends with, so you should treat him the same (though cut out the anti-gay comments).

5) Being gay is not a choice and gay people come in different shapes, sizes, and looks. Remember this!

Answer 2

2

Answer 3

1. Stop immediately what you are doing.
2. NEVER mention what you did to you friend. You have violated his privacy -- and you also have no idea if someone else put those magazines in his locker.
3. You are only 16 but you must force yourself to think as an adult on this issue -- and how you will feel about it in the future when you are grown up.
4. Being curious -- even about homosexuality -- does NOT make one a homosexual, buddy.
5. Many young guys look at male porn in order to compare themselves to adult males.
6. You have done something very wrong and now it could very well shed light on your own sexual orientation. Be careful. Ignore what you saw and NEVER bring it up. The poor guy could have been just curious or, he may be gay or bi but is just going through a questioning stage -- and that is HIS business, not yours.
7. Your curiosity may have caused you to lose a friend. Once again, butt out for your own sake if not his.

Answer 4

First off, just because you THINK you saw what might be considered to be gay porn, does NOT automatically mean he's gay.
Just because he didn't want to give you his locker code, doesn't mean he was trying to hide anything from you.
Just because he has blond hair and blue eyes doesn't mean he's gay.

That last remark really was offensive! What do gays look like? Oh that's right...LIKE EVERYONE ELSE! They have blond hair, brown hair, red hair, black hair, some dye their hair, some keep it short, some grow it long, some buzz it.
They have blue eyes, brown eyes, green eyes, hazel eyes, black eyes, grey eyes...some wear contacts and some wear glasses...
Sorry to burst your homophobic bubble there son, but there's no prescript for gay appearances or even body types, physical abilities, athletic ability, creativity, mathematical skill, science skill, or any other learned ability.

OK, now that I've cleared that up, back to your post.

As far as the porn goes he might have been holding it for a friend, he may have planned to plant it in someone else's locker as a prank, or it might actually have been his. But even still, it doesn't mean he's gay.

You've made a lot of assumptions and I'm afraid the only one looking like the @zz is you at the moment.

Answer 5

All right dude. I'm gay guy and i have a lot of straight friends who have been in similar situations. First off, we're all human and we all make mistakes. I think riding the issue of opening his locker won't help you any. The best thing you can do is keep his secret for him. I would not even consider confronting him because it may force him to address an issue that he isnt ready to. Its important to let him tell you that he's gay or bi or whatever. I figure he kept this from you afraid of how you would react. Telling straight guy friends is always hard, so don't take that personally. He may worry that if he told you the truth that he might lose a friend or that it might make you uncomfortable. It sounds like even though you're dealing with the shock, you're accepting the fact that he's gay. My advice would be to bring up something from the news or TV about a gay issue and say that you support it and talk about it with him. He won't think you're gay, trust me. He'll take it as, "my best friend is giving me a chance to come out, " and it may encourage him. He may try to drop hints and test the waters to see how you feel about him being gay. Thats just something to be aware of. Also, try to drop the habit of saying words like "f@g" or "thats gay" because he may wrongly interrupt those comments as you saying "I hate gay people and would never be friends with one." One of my straight friends forced himself to stop using those same expressions as he started to suspect his roommate was in the closet. I know a lot of it is habit, so you probably say it without realizing it. I think the most important thing to remember is that your friend is really going to need the support of his friend when he does come out. The best thing to do when he does tell you is to just listen and know that he didnt choose to be gay (if that's what he is). simply, just be the same friend that he knows just one that's more aware of something he may be going through. I dont know what i would do without my straight guy friends, to me they're like brothers.

Answer 6

hmm i have blonde hair and blue eyes and i'm gay lol. but..hmm i'll just start off with a great big WOW u sure hit the jackpot (which is unfortunately not that great). your friend didn't want you to know maybe because of what you said about gays before, and maybe because he believed you'd treat him differently if he told you. I can tell you I lost one friend after he found out.

Also, his parents being against is, ugh, that is a nightmare. whatever you do, do NOT tell them. he'll tell them in due time. my parents unfortunately were'nt ready at the time and lets just say we had to call the cops on one of them.

And as for wanting him to not think you are gay, just be who you normally are. We've got gaydar, so don't worry we won't hit on you, we know who is gay and who's not most of the time.

Alright, now you may feel like you want to talk to your friend about it, but u might not want to start off with breaking into his locker though (that could make you lose his trust). show him that you won't think any differently of him, just be his friend. just start it off slowly and indirectly at first.

Answer 7

This is where the expression, "be careful what you ask for, you just may get it," comes from.

You wanted his combination, you got it. Now, look where it got you.

Ask yourself this question! Is he the same person today as he was the day before you found out? YES. In fact, if I were him, I wouldn't be friends with YOU for your attitude. Sorry, nothing personal, I just don't take well to insults. He must think your a true friend.

To bad you'll let him down most likely.

Answer 8

Well first of all you should'nt touch other peoples porn dude, thats not cool. Second, if your his friend it should'nt matter if hes gay or not. Third, sounds to me like the idea of finding the gay porn in your buds locker and the fact that you secretly took note of his combo...er....tells me that you kind of ....well ...would like your friend to be gay. Do you find him attractive? Not to insult you or to say that you are having homosexual desires, but you did discribe him very vividly. I dont know dude...but .... when you think about the two of you showering... do you get a hardon?

Answer 9

Okay here's your chance to be the knight in shining armour! Well, not in a relationship way..
Okay, don't even hint that you know about the porn.
Just keep it cool and normal, and maybe just say things such as "I saw a show about guys coming out on TV, and I'm changed my views" or whatever, so he feels more confident/relaxed about his sexuality around you...and soon he may even come out to you. You can help him in these ways...and also, gays come in all shapes and sizes...anyone could be gay that you know. Just like being a certain race doesn't affect your personality, or your views on certain things...it may just be a stage he's going through...or he could be bisexual...or it may hve been planted there.
And you throwing it in his face could make his self-aware and become a closet gay or something...so play it cool and don't just stop being his friend!

Answer 10

Most gay men don't act gay. My suggestion is stay friends, stop snooping and leave him alone.
If he ever feels comfortable enough to tell you is bi/gay/curious he will.
Being gay is just another aspect of human nature. He is still the same guy you have been friends with.
Be a true friend and keep your mouth shut about something you should not have known anyway.
FYI-there are lots of blond haired and blue eyed men and women who are gay.