He was sober for 3 yrs after he nearly died from pancreatitis and was in a coma for about 4 weeks. His 25 yr old daughter moved in with him . She thought she could just booze it up in his house and it would be allright I guess. He started drinking again with his daughter and her husband. Well. it got out of control, I came downstairs the other nite and he was drinking out of a big jug of vodka.
I told him last nite I would never shame him for his alcoholism, because I know how hard it is for him not to drink. I also told him I felt really disappointed that his adult children did not support him in his sobriety and I felt like it was a shame. I explained to him how I watched him almost die and it was the hardest thing I have ever experienced in my life. I explained how much his drinking problem has affected my life. How we arent spontaneous lovers because he drinks himself into impotence and I am not really into finding out he cannot perform in bed. Was I stupid to tell him?
2007-01-08 16:12:18 · 9 answers · asked by happydawg 6 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
His pancreatitis was so bad, he went into shock and multisystem organ failure. He has so much organ damage, his liver started to fail, his kidneys shut down for awhile. He ended up with diabetes from the pancreatic damage. He was mottled from the waist down and FTDing (fixin to die) It was only by the grace of God he lived thru it.
2007-01-08 16:16:12 · update #1
I think the victim has to have hope for the future or he'll
see no reason to not go back to drinking. So anything you
can do to have genuine sober fun with him....If the daughter
is that out of control, then she has to be removed. No question.
The key things for me....being around folks, young kids, animals, old folks that need me...and having long periods of time absolutely alone to sort things out and show myself i can
be productive.
And the telling him is not bad, just maybe one
more thing to open his eyes.
Just be on the lookout that he doesn't run to drink in order to avoid that situation or as a way
to run from being rejected sometimes. Too, he may have been drinking for longer than you know for sure and just be tryin to avoid having shakes and
risking DT's if he goes sober. The only way for me was
medically supervised withdrawal.
But I think anyone
who takes it that far sees little hope.
2007-01-08 16:43:09 · answer #1 · answered by farmer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that its is great that you were able to be open and honest about your emotions and feelings regarding his drinking. There is nothing wrong with that. I am concerned with the drinking reoccurring again and feel that something will need to be done more than just telling him how you feel. As long as you allow him to drink and life to go on as normal you will be enabling him. There needs to be a point where he gets help to stop the drinking or you leave the relationship with him. If you stay and allow him to drink himself to death you are only enabling him to do so. It's hard and easier said than done, but counseling can help if you need some support in this venture. Also, support groups for sposes of alcoholics are available. Good luck, and be strong.
2007-01-08 16:19:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you did fine in telling him how his drinking was affecting him, but why are you still there? What are you getting out of it? Are you living with all of these drinking people? I say, be supportive but protect yourself. Get out until he has been sober for a year or so. I know this sounds hard, but YOU only get one life and the years slip by so quickly. You don't want to have to look back and see years that slipped by while your main focus was on how to cope with someone else's problem. HUGS! Been there done that.
2007-01-08 16:27:13 · answer #3 · answered by gramma 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely not stupid to tell him. You obviously love this man and honesty is always the best choice. If I were u I sure as h e l l would tell his daughter and her hubby to find someplace else to booze it up. You might try an alanon meeting. It can be really helpful in dealing with the alcoholic in your life. Good luck!
2007-01-08 16:20:54 · answer #4 · answered by thinkinitout 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No - one of the things the alcoholic needs to hear is truth from those around him.
However, you also need to get someone from Alanon to talk to the daughter. Her own drinking is one thing - what she is doing to her father is something else. Get rid of her or start to prepare yourself to live without him. It is unfair to him to have to try and struggle with his addiction with that going on.
And where was his AA sponsor while this was happening?
Sounds like a major breakdown all around.
2007-01-08 16:17:28 · answer #5 · answered by Uncle John 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He needed to hear everything you had to say to him. You would have thought he had learned by nearly
leaving this world, sadly he has not. Sounds like there needs to be some rules made and followed, even his kids must follow. Without them you will be fighting a losing battle in connection with your husbands drinking.
2007-01-08 16:21:56 · answer #6 · answered by Samantha 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alanon is the place for you. The answers come one day at a time too.
2007-01-08 17:10:33 · answer #7 · answered by charlie at the lake 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No but don't enable him. Tough love or it will continue. It's your life and you have to put your foot down. read the article overcoming all addictions on denveryourhub.com
2007-01-08 16:18:31 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You certainly were not stupid to tell him. It sounds like you are being very patient and loving with him, but he has to understand how his behavior is affecting you.
2007-01-08 16:19:33 · answer #9 · answered by Neener Neener 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋