Should I stay in a relationship that does not seem to be going anywhere?

Question

It will be 5 years on Valentine's Day. We've split up and gotten back together 3 times altogether. She has 3 kids: 16, 20, 22. I have 1 daughter: 6. We both care about each other very much, but we live in separate homes about 30 minutes apart. Neither of us wants to move from our homes for reasons concerning our kids. I am always thinking I should just end the relationship for the sake of everyone involved and take care of my daughter, so I won't have to be stressed out all the time over all the complications of this tricky situation. (My mom doesn't like my girlfriend and that makes things especially awkward for everybody). We're about exactly where we were 5 years ago.

Answer 1

End the relationship and take care of your little girl. That's the best thing to do from what I read of your question.

Answer 2

I guess I'd have to ask: how would you feel if you ended the relationship? Would you miss her desperately? Other than the distance, how do the two of you get along? You've been together (more or less) for five years; there must be SOMEthing there that you're not willing to give up.
If the biggest problem is the distance, then one of you is going to have to be willing to compromise. And I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest that it be you. Young children adjust to their new surroundings better than older ones, and I'm guessing the 20 and 22-year olds are probably attending a local college.
Plus, a change of high school might be traumatic for the 16-year old.
You may just want to hold off on selling your house, though. Rent it out if your income dictates. If you move in with your GF and it doesn't work out, you can take up where you left off, but I do believe you owe it to yourself to give it your best shot.
Also I wonder if Mom has a legitimate reason for not liking your GF...?

Answer 3

I can see why she wouldn't want to move her teen and disrupt high school but your six year old could be moved without interrupting her future friendships. Of course, you don't say if you have custody of your daughter. Do you live with your mom? Is she the one in the relationship or are you? I think that you are making excuses for what you really no longer feel and want to get out of the relationship. I think you should be honest with your lady and either end the relationship or decide to see others but remain friends if you care that much for each other. Just because you are not "in a relationship" with each other does not mean you can't see each other. I would think her kids would miss you also after being in their lives for 5 years. Just don't have this conversation on valentines day.

Answer 4

If you are asking this question then you already know what you want to do. So what's stopping you from doing it?

Also, your mom is always going to clash with some of your girlfriends. It's basically a hit or miss with mom.

You may find yourself madly in love with a woman that your mother will possibly dislike and that can't be helped. Prepare yourself though because you will feel like you are being pulled in different directions.

Anyhoo back to the current lady in your life. Just from what you have described, it's apparent that the two of you are not ready to move forward. If you were, you would have found a way to make your relationship work and grow.

Like I said, you already know what you want to do so, to coin a phrase; Just Do It.

Good luck

Remember everything happens for a reason

Answer 5

Your a married man living in a separate house. Well you might as well be married. You need to get out there and meet new women and date. This relationship is going no where and sounds a little boring. Put some spice in your life. Your not getting any younger. Your daughter can adjust to that. Better to do it now while she is still so young than to try and introduce a new woman into your life when your daughter is going through puberty. Daughters who have had their Daddy all to themselves for years don't like sharing them with another woman. It would be nice if your Mom could like a girlfriend of yours but I wouldn't count on her ever liking any woman you bring into your life. But, don't worry about your Mom. It's hard enough to find a Miss Right let alone finding one that your Mom likes.

Answer 6

If after 5 years nothing has changed and you are still in the same place. I think you have answered your question yourself! There's nothing to it, so why are you still there!?!? If neither one of you thinks enough of the other to try and do something differently to try and work it out, then why are you in the relationship still. And you can say that you live where you are for your children, but the truth is that if you really loved this woman, you would find a way to make it all work out! It just shows that noether of you want it enough.

Every minute that you are spending with this woman is time you are taking away from your daughter and from finding the woman who is worth it to you!

Good luck!

Answer 7

You're right to consider ending the relation for the sake of your daughter. She needs to see a good example of what a relationship should be like.
You've given it 5 years and it hasn't worked. It's time to move on.
Not that you asked, but you mom might be contributing to the situation. Don't let her get involved in your love life. It's YOURS!

Answer 8

aw. Im sorry...Yes, having family that doesnt like your 'other' makes it harder- Ive been down that road too.
If you truly love her...you 2 need to get together and talk about the future. If she doesnt want one, then you know what to do. 5 years is a long time to just throw away. At least, take a shot and talk to her- see what she wants.
If she says she wants a future with you, start discussing living situations and then bring the kids in on it.

Im not sure whats going on otherwise in your relationship, but if shes stressing you out all the time, it wouldnt work out in the long run. Take a moment and write on a sheet of paper EVERYTHING you like/love about her...then do the opposite; everything you dont like/hate. If the good overcomes the bad, talk to her about the relationship. If bad triumps over good, the relationship wont work. You both deserve to be happy.

Answer 9

well if it was me (because i couldn't and wouldn't tell you what to do) i would end it. the stress is not good for the kids. but i would not end it just cause your mom doesn't like her, but the most important thing in your life right now is your daughter or should be anyways. but it sounds like your at a stand still and no one wants to compromise on where you should live. she has only one left to get through high school, then her kids are basically done with school. your daughter still has a long time to be in school. but there also has to be compromise in a relationship and it sounds like there is none. if it were me after 2 yrs i would have ended it. but again that's me. i think you should concentrate on your daughter and down the road you may meet someone alot more special then this one your with. best of luck to you.

Answer 10

What makes you happy? NOT YOUR MOM! Could you ever live together? What are the pros and cons? Once hers are grown 2 years..... Would you move or would she move? Do you even want to live together. What are the reasons you split up before? Always put your children first yours and hers. You should be taking care of your daughter as #1 always.Excuse the next saying but BLOOD before BOOTY. What is at the base of your relationship? Do you have a solid foundation? Oh and from the mouth ofa woman who dated a momma's boy CUT THE APRON STRINGS or you will never be able to be happy with any one in any relationship if your mother still chooses your playmates. Respect your mother but know your place as a man and tell your mother you love her but unless you are into incest your mom can't give you everything you need.

Answer 11

If you mind that your mother doesn't like her and you are stressed out by this relationship, then I'll recommend that you end it once and for all. The two of you will be better off as friends.

Just keep the happy memories that you've both had and move on with your lives before the relationship turns for the worst.