my daughter has always been a A+ employee,mother,wife and daughter,that was until 6 months ago.She has since?

Question

asked for a divorce,gotten written up at work and goes out at night and gets home at 5 A.M and has to get up at 6 for work.Last night after work,she comes home and falls asleep.3A.M this morning she is in the room talking on the phone to who knows who.She gets up at the normal time to go to work.I find this behavior a 360 of who she is. She is lying every chance she gets and doesnt like you questioning her about anything.Is this drug behavior?She is 33 and has never been a drinker or someone who does drugs,like I have said,she has been one of the more responsible people Ive ever known.I could go on but i am going to run out of space.Any help is appreciated

Answer 1

It sure sounds like drug or alcohol addiction. Probably an affair as well (in which she asked for a divorce).

Encourage her to talk about it. She needs to be a responsible mother for her daughter. She needs support & help.

Good Luck.

Answer 2

A simple answer to this,

This act is a call for help!!
remember as a child she may have rebeled over the smallest thing because she felt that it was'nt in her best enterest or worth dealing with? she has probably been A+ all her life, now she is bored, there is no challenge anymore, she doesn't want to be this way but I do feel that if you don't find help for her soon, she will start to neglect more than just herself.

Keep an open eye out for your baby yes your baby, 33 or not she is still yet your child and if you feel the need to pry, do so. 6months ago isnt really long, but to most it is a life time, a 360 turn from responsible to out going, that could be the cause of effect of drugs or drinking, but to be sure, look into her eyes, check her stance, smell her breath if you have to without being obvious. all in all she need your help and support even if she acts like she don't. just remember this, try not to push her too hard, she might start to fall another route, keep her close untill you find out why she is acting this way.

Answer 3

A 360 in behavior is a definate sign of substance abuse....but it could also be a sign of a woman that's feeling her oats because most of her life has been spent "walking the line". If you strongly suspect drug use, search her room. Sounds harsh and wrong, but there are children involved therefore it becomes a necessary "evil". Look for physical signs of drug use (eyes, speech, huge personality changes...which you already know). Sit her down and review the "house rules"....gauge her reaction...is she defensive? If so this could be another danger sign. Talk to her closest friends and find out if they are finding the same things about her. Go to this website....there's a message board and plenty of folks there that have addicts as family members: www.naranon.com Watch carefully and plan for what you'll do if it is a drug habit causing this.

Answer 4

Can't say if that is drug or alcohol behavior - but you need to find out for the sake of her children.

Honestly - I can say from experience - that I acted very much that same way (at almost the same age) when I felt that I wanted out of my marriage and I was fooling around with someone on the side. I didn't do drugs or drink, I just was with the other person as much as possible - and my behavior was so opposite of how I usually am. I acted like a defiant teenager.

She won't talk to anyone unless she feels she needs their help. I suppose the only advice I can give is to try to be supportive and be there when she crashes (and realizes the greener grass turns brown eventually).

Answer 5

Well the last thing to do is throw the 'drug theory' in the mix before you think of these things... How was her marriage with this guy, since she filed for divorce, she was obviously thinking abour this earlier. She could have been holding this in side and was probably trying to live for other people. Her partying now seems like she is trying hard to enjoy life, or what she's missed. She needs tme to balance the fun, but she needs good support as well. I would say talk to your daughter(non-judging) etc., not the boring 'we need to have a talk', but while you're making dinner, or doing laundry. Since she's 33, you guys can have a more 'friendly' convo. and when she sees you're not tense about it she'll open up more

Answer 6

YES, YES YES! A radical behaviour change is a very very strong indicator of some kind of addictive behaviour.
Everything you described screams that she's an addict of some kind. Could be alcohol, sex, drugs, gambling, whatever, the behaviour patterns are the same for all of those.
The secrets, the lying, the late nights. The self righteous indignation when you confront the addict. It's all there. When her life is being adversely affected by her habits, & choices then she's an addict for sure.

My wife came from a family affected by alcohol. She never showed any signs of becomming an addict until her late 30's.
She has always been one of the most responsible, & effective people I know, even while she was living deep within her addiction. It's what we call a "functioning addict". But she was still an addict who needed treatment to get herself, & her life back on track.

Yes you are living with an addict. Now the most important decision you can make for yourself, & especially for your daughter, is whether or not you are going to tolerate living with an addict in your home.
I take it she moved out of the marital home & is now living with you. I'll bet her (ex?)husband knows a lot more about what is going on. So you might start there, because she is going to continue hiding, & lying due to the profound shame she is feeling about herself right now. (I know she doesn't show it but it's there)

Look up your local chapter of Alanon because you are going to be in for a rough ride, & you'll need all of the support you can get.

You can contact a rehab centre near you for help in getting help for your daughter, but believe me she isn't going to be ready for help until she is personally ready to accept it.

May God Bless you & your family. Especially your daughter.

Answer 7

If your daughter has been "A+" (in other words, perfect) in every aspect of her life up until 6 months ago, my best guess would be that over the years she felt forced to be perfect for everyone in her life and she cannot take the load of it anymore. It sounds like she cracked under the pressure.

Perhaps you (and/or other authority figures) put too many expectations on her while she grew up and she wanted to please you and you to be proud of her. Perhaps more acceptance of making mistakes and more pride in not being perfect, but in doing the best she could, should have happened in the past on your (and/or other authority figures) parts. Perhaps she didn't get to enjoy the childhood that she was entitled to because she was made to be too concerned with being "A+" for her parents all the time.

I, in no way, have any intentions of offending you and I apologize if I have. I am just being as honest as possible. I'm sure you did the best you could as a parent. Lots of parents, unknowingly, put enourmous amounts of pressure on their kid/s to be "the best" but being this way as a parent can have serious consequences on the child.

So...again, I think either she got so stressed out of being perfect for everyone in her life and not putting herself first and finally said "to hell with it all" -or- got mixed up with the wrong people and maybe is involved with drugs -or- something is very wrong in her marriage. Something is seriously not right here if she did a total 360 like that. I would try to talk with her and let her know you're worried about her.

Answer 8

i would say yes this very well could be a drug problem. i have seen it in the best of kids and then your right its a 360 degree turn. she is hiding something could be also shes having an affair. but i would really think on a drug line right now. i wouldn't care how mad she gets i would talk to her and if she doesn't want to talk then don't let the door hit her in the butt on the way out. i use to be an office manager in a drug and alcohol facility so i know the changes it can make on people and just what your saying i would defiantly think drug or alcohol or both. but you really need to talk to her because her hubby can take the kids very easily with the behaviour shes been having. depends on the laws where your at but i would at least try to get her into counselling and then see if things turn around. it could be shes depressed but at least in counselling they can figure out if its drugs or what. best of luck and i hope this helps you.

Answer 9

Could be, or maybe she is just letting loose. I recently went through this about four months ago. I was in a relationship that I wasn't happy with, I went out one night and that started my drinking binge, staying out all night, lying, etc. I have never been a drinker...............but I just needed a break from my life and from my responsibilities and didn't care who I hurt in the process.
So, I wouldn't jump to any conclusions, just give her a little space and see what happens.

Answer 10

Your story reminds me of a dear friend of mine. She was like your daughter and all of sudden, she started doing exactly what your daughter is doing. It turns out that a couple other females at work influenced her to do all this, they turned her into a slut like they are. They drink, do drugs and do not care. All three finally crashed, one is in prison, one committed suicide and my friend lost her job, her kids and her husband, she is living with some foreign guy in a apartment that is full of druggies. Please talk to your daughter, find out, get involved. This is not her, something bad is going on. Be the Mom, help her turn around before it is to late.