Do you think my Husband really means he is sorry?

Question

My husband confessed to me that he was checking out girls at work and thinking about how to cheat on me. He was planning to.
this has been a big hit to me. It makes me feel so ugly and insufficient, and dirty....like, "I stayed a virgin for him?"

we've only been married a year...so it makes me worry.
he told me this without any prompting because he's sorry and he feels like I have the right to know.
I love him so much and I would never leave him.
I told him I forgave him....
but in my heart I am angry and extremly depressed.
How do I forgive him?

he wouldn't really ever have time to cheat on me, considering he's on a constant shift schedule and other than that we are always together, He used to be extremely addicted to pornography but he no longer has a problem with that.
but I honestly don't think he would really ever cheat I think he was fanasizing about it, but what I can't get out of my head is the curiosity about what these girls have that I don't. I feel like I don't want him to look at me because I feel like he's comparing me to some girls that he never even talked to.
and a part of me wants to look like these girls because I feel if I look like them he won't look at other girls.
He has a different standard for me and the girls that he looks at.
he wants me to be pure and and a good wife, but the girls that he checks out are nothing like me.
the opposite.
but he seems to think I am better and that they are dirty whores and should be ashamed of themselves.

I'm so confused.

Answer 1

First of all, get down on your knees and thank your lucky stars that he was brutally honest with you....it's a definate sign that he is not only sorry, but wants to work through this with you. You've been blessed with a man that has some moral fiber. No doubt the news must have felt like someone kicked you in the stomach...hearing it must have broke you heart too. Here's the good news...because he is honest you two stand a great chance of solving this problem....whether it be in the bedroom or not. Pick up the phone book tomorrow and start looking for a couples therapist.....therapy will not only give you two the tools you need to get through this without destroying the marriage, but it will give him the tools to avoid the "cheating" thoughts he's been having. I don't envy your situation, and please remember that it has nothing to do with you being ugly and insufficient, that it's more a matter of a workable problem - HIS problem that has become yours. I wish you all the best in this!

Answer 2

If he didnt love you, he would not confessed. But the problem is that he confessed before he did anything. Just because he confessed that doesnt mean is isnt going to do it. Since you cant watch your husband 24\7, i know how you must be feeling but at this point there isnt much you can do. Just hold on. Maybe this is just a phase that he is going through. But at any point you should find out that he did cheat on you, you need to drop kick that jerk to the curb. If he did it once he will do it again.

Answer 3

you mentioned"It makes me feel so ugly and insufficient, and dirty".....hun he should feel this way not you. did you speak more i hope and ask why he has been feeling this way? how long together before your married? Has he in the past said similar things like this to you cause he may know what buttons to push persay to keep u insecure and loving only him?

Do you love you first above all? If not learn to and any man that says some sally azzzz crap you will look at an laugh and tell them to what eva an to call u when they know how to be a Man and not some boy needing attention in a bad kinda way and the wrong way....

just a quote I like to share:
"If your going to play with dirt and Trash, dont expect it to come out squeaky clean".

Answer 4

Something is very wrong with your marriage. If it has only been a year and he is cocky enough to tell you that he was planning to try to cheat on you he is basicly telling you he cannot be faithful and there are underlying problems. Please seek help and don't let him out of your sight... and when he is at work he better check in frequently! If that seems like alot of trouble and a bit extreme then you may not be as into this marriage either.

Answer 5

He has his head in two worlds, and I am not sure what to advise I would keep being the good wife he wants, but if you are up for it why not give him his bad boy fantasies as a special gift, it doesn't have to be a lot maybe some sexy underwear, a bubble bath for two, and if you can be adventuress get a sex book for you to go through together, and try some new stuff. the next day go back to being his virtues wife, and he will be after you for more and you will have him

Answer 6

Oh I wouldn't stick around, if he's thinking about it then chances are he will do it. I don't think I would be able to forgive. Ask him why he's looking elsewhere. I know he said sorry but perhaps he's testing you to see if you will stick around if he does cheat.

Answer 7

sooner or later it will happened don't believe that he is sorry he is just testing you 2 see how you will react and how far he can go i guess if i say that i would have left if my husband said something like that to me i would be lying but you do need to think about if he is talking about it now what would he do if opportunity came across would he say no?

Answer 8

he did that???!? o_O

wow. i dont think i could. its nice he's telling the truth, but PLANNING to???

it make take awhile, take your mind off it(if possible) have some fun. if your heart still says no, then maybe you might leave him. or maybe you truly forgive him. if he's really sorry, he might try to make it up to you.

Answer 9

If he confessed without you finding it out first, I would think he is really sorry.

Answer 10

You both need to see a marriage counselor. Your marriage is in trouble.