Have you ever thought about someone else when you're having sex with your husband? I know this is a personal question, but I've done this before and I feel horrible. I feel like it's cheating. I don't mean for it to happen, but my husband isn't the most affectionate person (he's really selfish when it comes to sex). I've struggled with feelings for someone else for a while- I'm trying to get beyond those feelings. Advice/comments???
2007-01-08 14:53:18 · 23 answers · asked by JustMyOpinion 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
jyl l..... wow, we must be married to the same person!!
2007-01-08 14:59:55 · update #1
Married for 10 years. Never thought about someone else while having sex, but I have had fantasies. Fantasies are healthy as long as you don't become dependent upon them for fulfillment. The underlying problem is that you don't feel satisfied because of his selfishness. Talk to him. Don't use negative words like selfish, nor tell him what he's doing wrong. He'll become defensive and it may backfire. Give him suggestions on how he can please you. One or two here... then another one a few weeks later, etc. I understand how you feel about cheating. I have felt exactly like you. Exactly. Best of luck to you.
2007-01-08 15:29:16 · answer #1 · answered by lola 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been here before and I understand the feelings that you are talking about. I felt pretty rotten too. Although I must tell you that my husband and I are no longer together. I told him in the beginning, and still believe this to be true, that if you have feelings for someone else, no matter who or of what nature, you are to be upfront about them and discuss them together. It may be innocent crush or it may go deeper than just fantasy. My husband was not very affectionate with me in the end either, I ended up having to move on, especially when I found out that there were half a dozen other women getting his attention. We just did not fit each other any longer. What you are doing is not cheating my dear, but you have to ask yourself how long has this been going on, does your fantasy have feelings for you also, and where do you see yourself in 12 months time? Most importantly, are you happy with your husband. I know this is a lot to consider and wish you all the best with solving your dilemma
2007-01-08 23:00:57 · answer #2 · answered by smile_girl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's completely natural to occasionally fantasize. As long as the fantasy doesn't evolve into actually WISHING you were with someone else, then it usually does no harm. I keep a rule, though, that I can't fantasize about anyone I actually KNOW. The fantasies usually revolve around some sort of hot male actor, or a sexy movie character, or something like that. If you're actually fantasizing about someone you KNOW, and think you have feelings for, then I probably would be concerned. It sounds like you're unhappy right now. Maybe you and your husband should seek counseling.
2007-01-08 22:59:12 · answer #3 · answered by Jess H 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think everyone does it. Maybe your husband does it when he's having sex with you too.
The only concern is if you actually like this guy enough to act on your thoughts. Until then, you're not cheating.
I think maybe you should bring this issue up to your husband and talk to him about it. Start it out maybe by asking if he ever thinks about other women while he's with you. Ugliness grows in the dark so for your marriages sake, bring this to light.
2007-01-08 22:59:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, it is very normal to fantasize about someone else while with the one your intimate with. It's not cheating. It actually can make a better love session. As far is feelings for another, your treading on dangerous waters. Fantasizing about him is one thing, doing the actual deed is quite another. Don't go there.
2007-01-08 22:59:59 · answer #5 · answered by Jessica 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
don't you think he has too? i think it is a natural and healthy way to stay monogamous especially if you not being satisfied. you really need to talk to him and try not to make him feel like he's doing it wrong even though he is. i just mean he will feel even more insecure about the convo than u will. so u don't want to jeopardize your sex life u want to improve it. just be sensitive, men are more sensitive than us they just wont/don't admit it. i know this because even if i tell mine he still don't get it most of the time and i just use my toy. men that even try is a plus cause so many don't even care or try to please the woman. if you didn't love him it wouldn't cross your mind so just handle your business and make sure when you talk the time and words are correct
2007-01-08 23:31:01 · answer #6 · answered by fearthis1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no reson to feel guilty. I do it too. And don't ever, ever doubt that evey man out there has fantisized about another woman why having sex with his wife. It's called a fantsy for a reason. So just go ahead and pretend that he Brad Pitt, or whom ever you want to.
2007-01-08 22:58:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
unfortunately when we are with someone for a very long time they become to comfortable. it is a very common thing to fantasize for someone else. especially when we are lacking the intimacy. my advice to you is do not act on your feelings for someone else at this time and try doing new things with your husband to bring back what you once had before
2007-01-08 23:03:43 · answer #8 · answered by kielny06374 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everything I've read says this is a normal and even a healthy thing. Personally, I haven't. I don't know why..lol...maybe I'm the weird one! Don't worry about it and definitely don't feel guilty!
2007-01-08 23:00:48 · answer #9 · answered by GraceSlickChick 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thoughts are not cheating....they're perfectly normal and happen to the best of us.
What's cheating is if you'd rather be with the other person then with your husband.
2007-01-08 22:57:05 · answer #10 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋