Any suggestions? I know I need to fix some parts of it. Is it okay though? PLEASE DON"T SUGARCOAT!
Verse 1
The aggravation
when you don’t care
the anger burning in me
when you’re not there
Verse 2
My blood on your hands
a symbol of the end
no chance anyway
we can be friends
Chorus
And this is an anthem
to everyone out there
who’s had the burning desire
for someone to care
and this is the song
that the unsung sing
and this is an anthem
a dark and hopeless thing
Verse 3
Can you hear me now
are listening to this
I’m leaving all
the brokenness
Verse 4
It’s pointless now
to try and validate
you were wrong
so this is your fate
2007-01-08 14:47:39 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Music
omg that's pretty good (dun wry i am not sugar coating) i personally am not a person into this type of poetry but u inspired girl.... :)
i have to give it to u though that was good (sry i'm not really a peotry person so i can't pull out flaws)
2007-01-08 14:57:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your rhymes are simple and pretty trite. And the part of the chorus that goes:
and this is the song
that the unsung sing
doesn't make much sense to me. The idea behind the song could be good if you'd find a more creative way to go about it.
2007-01-08 22:56:18 · answer #2 · answered by Neon Ballroom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thanks. I just stole your lyrics and am writing the new music right now as you are viewing this. Too bad for you...
I should have it copyrighted for myself in a couple of days!
Actually, I hope I just taught you a lesson about posting unprotected stuff for the world to steal. They will steal it!
It's not a good idea to post something on the internet that isn't copyrighted. I've been a songwriter for over 35 years, and I have NEVER played anything, or given away anything that wasn't copyrighted.
As far as the lyrics, it's another "love gone wrong" song, but they flow without being too awkward.
Not too shabby...
Mack
2007-01-08 23:03:27 · answer #3 · answered by Big Mack 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sucks
2007-01-08 22:51:16 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I really like the lyrics. I wish I could hear the music that accompanies it. Good job.
2007-01-08 22:51:11 · answer #5 · answered by Peanut Butter 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds good to me and its deep.
2007-01-08 23:09:21 · answer #6 · answered by Sara Ryan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds good..
alittle good charlotte anthem tho
2007-01-08 22:51:55 · answer #7 · answered by JennaL 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not sugarcoating anything. It sounds great.
2007-01-08 22:50:46 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
the chorus is a lil long.
2007-01-08 22:51:15 · answer #9 · answered by rustyolddonkey 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's not a song because i can't hear it. it's closer to a poem
2007-01-08 22:51:14 · answer #10 · answered by jonsinher 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋