Opinion from the men, and ladies if you think you may know this about a man.?

Question

My fiance is not very happy with my social life. I like to be around people (in a positive way just enjoying life with people) Well, anyways, he thinks that when couples are going to get married they should spend most of their time together and not go out a lot with other people (which I agree with to an extent). I had a work Christmas party (1 hour long and no drinking or anything) that I wanted him to go to but after the party he said that he didn't want to go. I wanted him to go to see me in that aspect of my life and get to know me more and the people I work with. He thinks that is unnecesary. Also, in his opinion, guys only go out to social events if they want to meet or look at other women, even if they are with their loved one.
He also said that it would be nearly impossible to find a guy who would like to go out with me with groups of people or to parties who wants to go for the right reasons.
What is your opinion of couples and how a social life should be maintained?

Answer 1

Your boyfriend sounds EXACTLY like my husband. From the Christmas party to the view of why guys go to social events. We're no longer together (after 17 years) because in the end, I had to understand that in his thinking, outsiders were dangerous. He found his comfort zone in our relationship, and he didn't want anyone to disturb that. I wouldn't have minded his thinking if he was acceptance of 'different views'. It is proven that people who have issues with sharing their lives NEVER CHANGE unless they see that they're wrong. They miss the sense of reasoning for their views. We weren't created, as people, to live seperate from social stimulization. This thinking is incorrect and in the end destructive. Because your views are so different, any difference of opinion will be an 'accusation' that your motives are what he has preconcieved (you're social to hook up with the guys that only want to meet girls). If you can stand the difference of opinion, fine. But what you have to consider is the 'accusations' of your intentions as you fight to just be respectfully different. In other words, you will have to battle being guilty until you prove yourself innocent. This negative energy is what will be the basis of your relationship, and whatever you build on is what you will reproduce.

Answer 2

I am an almost clinical introvert - like a 20 on a Meyers-Briggs scale. I suspect that your fiance is as well. Your comment about enjoying life with people lead me to believe that you are an extrovert. He is right that (among introverts) you'd have a difficult time finding a man who wouldn't loathe attending a quasi-forced social event. The problem is that you are completely reasonable in your expectation that he should want to spend time with you and meet others who are a part of your every day life. You are intrinsically incompatible.

Having said that... I have put myself through the discomfort of learning the tricks of the extrovert because I wanted to be a part of my wife's life. She was (and still is) worth it to me. Today if I went to her party and she left me there for an hour I could mix successfully, even if I didn't know anyone in the room. I will tell you exactly what I would tell my daughter. You shouldn't settle on anyone until you know that he would do the same (at minimum) for you.

Good luck

Answer 3

Depends on the couple. I'm sniffing some neurosis here with this guy. Does he have a social phobia? Suffer from panic attacks? I'm not buying his reasons for not wanting a social life with you, his partner. Is he made easily jealous? Can't stand the competition at some level? Feels insecure about his social skills? There are all issues to explore with him, because you guys obviously differ on this issue.

It may not be something that can be resolved. You may end up "partying" and socializing without your man, and if you are okay with that, so be it. I knew a couple like that. She was a big social kind of person, he wasn't. They were both okay with it, because she had friends, male and female, that she could go out with. Clearly, the guy still got his needs met by her, or they wouldn't be together.

Keep in mind something else: What attracts us to somebody in the beginning often is the thing that we can't stand as the relationship goes south. "She was so social! I was so attracted to her outgoing personality!" Did he feel that way about you? Food for thought.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Your fiance doesn't sound like the same type of person that you are. You are more extroverted and he sounds like he's aggrophobic. Also, that's not why men go out to something like an office Christmas party. Some of us actually like the people we work with and like to go out and have a good time. He sounds like he wants to keep you at home for himself and that's he's worried that you'll meet someone else out. He's insecure about you going out and having fun and that will probably be a problem in the long run. If he can't trust you now, then how will your marriage be?

Answer 5

Wow what a well NM. I have to say it depends really. In my case I love to socialize not just with women but guys to. I like ti drink and theres nothing better than to drink with other people or meet new friends. Though if a women goes out with nothing but guys and does not invite her man then theres a problem as well as the other way. I have to say balance is the key and ask your self if going out is important to you. If so tlak to him and tell him you like to go out not for the attention but you have friends and like the life of social people. I mean humans by nature are a social breed, So to find a human that does not like to socialize you have a problem. Well couples should def go out and have fun a couple can get so bored by doing the same thing over and over. Well I hope this helped you. I say dont change for him I say continue to have fun just know your boundaries.

Answer 6

If you have events and parties that you want to go to, your fiance/husband should go with you just to make you happy. And also to make sure that no other men are eyeing you off. Women need to go out and socialise, they can get unhappy if they don't. Your fiance needs to realise that if he wants a woman for a life partner, then romance, outings and having fun are all part of the deal. Lots of couples have a second rate love life because they don't realise this. Best wishes.

Answer 7

It's very important and healthy for couples to have other friendships and maintain thier own identity. How can you come back as a "couple" if you are always on top of each other? Everyone needs thier own space. I would be very wary of staying with someone who has such a hard time letting you hang out with other people. It could turn into a very controlling relationship. Tell him how you feel about this! Maybe it's not important to him to have other friends and other activities, but it is to you. Good luck!!

Answer 8

Well he is justified. Most other men I met will at some time have ulterior motives. Not all. And He may be attuned ot what these other guys do just as I am. It makes him leery. While one or two outings may be harmless. Other men called poachers, will see this as your escort abandoning you. And "rings do not lock away the prize". This is a nice rewriting of a rude phrase. But it does apply. Women do cheat on men as men do cheat on women. I have witnessed the above activity occurring this new years. My friend's relationship is in trouble now.
You husband may be too jealous or just trying to avoid the trouble. I suggest that you two talk about it and come to a mutual agreement.
PS. I personally know someone who got an STD in this same manner. It was curable, but it opened my eyes to the danger. People who are just out to "get theirs" don't' care about others health. If they have a significant other, they don't care about theirs either.
Ooops! I forgot to comment on His escorting. He should accompany you on social events. Avoiding the problem is not fixing it. Include this in your discussion and drag his but out once in a while :)

Answer 9

I am recently married and know what your talking about! I had the same problem. But what i found to help is setting aside a day of the week that allowed for him to go out with his friends and you to go out with your friends. The main thing is to remember that your soon to be husband and you should be spending a vast majority of the time together. But to be honest, if you love each other spending time together won't be a chore, it will be something you look forward too. But the time away will only help your relationship in the sense that it will allow to you appreciate the time together alot more! I wish you the best of luck with everything! Have a great day! ~ Katie

Answer 10

He sounds very selfish and insecure. He obviously is not a social person and he wants you to become the same as he is. He is full of it if he believes men only go places to look at other women. Sounds as if he needs some counseling. Just remember not everyone is a social butterfly; but you are going to have a lot of conflict in your marriage if you are such complete opposites and can't agree on this subject.