I feel so alone (sexual harassment)!?

Question

There's this guy at my school that has said some really inappropriate things in the past. I'm in high school, and yes I did report him when this happened a few months ago. Now he makes these questionable gestures (like squeezing motions with his hands and spreading his legs out and looking at me funny). I won't look at him or have eye contact with him or anything, I see these things out of the corner of my eye, can't really tell what they mean. I just hate having to go to school in the morning, and know he'll be there. There's no one left to talk to. Most of my friends don't seem to take it that seriously, and my parents don't think it's a big deal. How can I talk to my mom the next time and get her to see he's not flirting and it's so hard to ignore him (she tells me to do that, it's never worked - he keeps on)? How do I get her to see that it's a much more serious problem than that? I don't want it to carry into my life at home and cause me to feel victimized. thanks!

Answer 1

What he is doing is harassment and it is serious. Speak to your school counselor and voice your concern. Also, notify any teachers if you two have other classes together. Also, keep a logbook handy and log the time of day, the incident, witnesses, etc, in your book. If your school doesn't want to take any action and prevent this from happening, you can always consult with a lawyer and sue the school system.
You don't have to take this guy's bullying. You have the right to go to school without being in an abusive environment.

Answer 2

First off, talk to your teachers at school. If he's in the same classes as you, privately arrange with the teacher so that you two are at opposite sides of the room and that he's as far away from you as possible. There's a chance that if you talk to a teacher personally, they might be more willing to help you out. Maybe even report it if it's that bad.

Then, you need to have a talk with your mom and friends. Your mom shouldn't be taking this so lightly. Have you ever used the words "sexually harassed" with her? Tell her outright that you're being sexually harassed and you're scared. You're right, this isn't flirting. Flirting is consensual, and this isn't.

Finally, tell HIM. Maybe he doesn't know what he's doing is wrong. So just tell him outright that you do not appreciate his gestures and that what he's doing is sexual harassment. Try not to confront him though, just in case.

And be careful! Keep yourself safe, dear.
Walk around school with a group of friends if you feel there's a chance of him escalating the harassment to a physical level.
Keep a factual report of when and what incidences occur. Record what he does and then record how you feel. (just in case you'll need it in the future)
Make sure that he doesn't follow you home.
If it continues happening. Try reporting him again. Even take it up with your school district if your school isn't doing anything about it.
If you want, switch schools to get away from this.

There's a chance that nothing will happen. But there's also a high chance of it happening.

By reporting him, you've already taken a step to solving this problem. You know what's happening to you and you don't want to let it happen. What's more, by reporting this guy, you might be helping other girls who are also subjected to this. Trust me, you sound less like the helpless victim and more like a struggling hero.

Good luck, dear.
I hope you get through this event safely.
I'm routing for you! <3

Answer 3

Don't feel bad. They probably aren't 'evil' but they are clearly in violation of the sexual harassment laws, and then some. What they were doing is no better than a male hitting on a woman at work even though is is not returned or encouraged. They treated you horribly, and you have every right to take the legal steps necessary to stop them. If you had just quit, they would have victimized your replacement. They need to have a clear message sent to them that what they are doing is not okay and is not a joke. Good for you, and good luck to you.

Answer 4

I know what you mean. His actions may seem unimportant to anybody else, but because you're sensitive to his nuances/meaning, it really bugs you. The thing is, he KNOWS that. He knows that he gets under your skin and makes you feel awful. He is a bully and a jerk. It doesn't matter what anybody else thinks, it's happening to you, and he is consciously doing it TO YOU.

That said, what can you do about it? You've already reported him, and he's done nothing overt since then. Now it's just mind games, which is really hard to catch somebody doing. I would talk to the school counsellor for tips on how you can be less sensitive around this guy, and tips on how you can deal with him. Go to the library and read up on bullying and how victims can feel more empowered. If you can't control his behaviour, at least you can control your own feelings and environment. Be proactive and you'll feel better about lots of things, including feeling less like a victim and more in control.

Good luck!

Answer 5

First of all I HATE to hear this.
Second, this is something serious that needs attention. NO ONE needs to put up with this. Take a stand and do something. Talk to your counselor and if that doesn't work call the non-emergency police number. Let them know that you want to fill a report about sexual harrassment. This is something that has to STOP before it goes further. Do you watch the news? All the things that happen. Please, I urge you. Take a stand and make every victim of sexual harassment proud. Don't let a fool trouble you. Be smart and make it right. Wish you the best of luck during this whole process and don't keep quite!

Answer 6

It is wrong for him to do that. I'd do what the girl above me said first. If that doesn't work you can listen to my advice. I used to work with cooks who would make nasty comments a lot. I didn't show fear though, and I joked right back, and eventually they loved me and were my best friends - If I screwed up a dish and needed a new one ASAP, they did it and said "for you - anything!". Of course that doesn't make what they do, or what this guy does right. It is still wrong. Sometimes though, they feed off of your reaction, and if you don't take their teasing like a man, the harassment gets worse and worse. If you can, completely ignore him. If you can't, start slipping penis enlargement adds and degrading shi* like that into his locker/bag/desk, whatever. Give it right back to him. Don't be afraid. However, if you think he may actually sexually assault you, then you need to not go anywhere alone. And if he ever touches you, report it ASAP - that is by FAR crossing the line.

As a last resort, send him my way. I'll shoot em with a little pepper spray. "Your honor, it was self defense!"

Answer 7

Report him to the principal, the police, and your schools social worker. No one deserves to be distracted like that while in school. This is a form of abuse! Also, you might want to tell his mom. Where does she work? Maybe you can catch her right after work and tell her how scared you are and how you can not concentrate in school because her son is making sexually explicit hand motions. Good luck Girlfriend. And remember: STAND YOUR GROUND. Not everyone will support you and that is ok. You could be saving some other poor girl from this creep!

Answer 8

You should never have to go to school dreading seeing somebody in your class. You ever talk to your teacher or principal? If you get no results talking to anybody, take matters into your hands. Confront him after class and be real aggressive to him. Assert yourself and don't back down. Tell him you don't like what he does and that you will take no more of it. Tell him you don't care if he's just joking or whatever, it has to stop. Show him you mean business.

Answer 9

if you have filed a report, then you need to follow up with detectives and see if there is anything else that can be done to possibly get a warrant signed for his arrest. you also need to look up the legal term of harassment in the state you are in. get him on camera, or talk with the school admin there. if you dont get a hold of it now you might end up a victim of something worse.....get him on camera doing it......cell phones have video, save it , call the police and shre it with them......just remember to report report report each and everytime something happens. be safe

Answer 10

If your family and friends can't understand how much this bothers you then that's not good. It will just make this harder to get through. But you CAN do it. Talk to your school counselor. If you are worried about him finding out that you got him in trouble keep it "theoretical". You need to talk to someone about it. People are there for you. Just stay strong!