What should I do when it comes to her?

Question

I am a 40 year old male who is not interested in his wife. We've been married 16 years and I no longer have feelings for her!! The only thing I feel for her is sorry. When we first married she was slim and did everything for me. Now she has packed on the pounds and is a lazy cow!! I Can not stand to look at her. I haven't told her how I really feel, yet I think she already knows. When she does ask I blame it on her. I tell her things like, "It's in your head", "Your just being jealous", "If you would______".
I really don't want to deal with it. I am in school full time, I work full time, so why should I have to come home to a lazy fat woman who does nothing for me? If she would lose some of the fat and get off her behind, then maybe. Until then I use whatever excuse I can to stay away, even church. This may sound mean, but she is also too crabby to be around. Thank God Winter Vacation is over!! I'm too busy to care and too busy to want to deal with her!!

Answer 1

Working full-time and in school full-time? No wonder she's crabby. She never sees you. Maybe the reason she is gaining weight is because you make her feel worthless. Quit playing your games, grow up and talk to her honestly.

Maybe you should see if you can replace her with your dream woman who will put up with your lack of presence in the home and still be the slim sex-kitten who waits on you hand and foot. Good luck ;)

Answer 2

Why are you not talking to her honestly about all this, you need to do this. Be honest and tell her, maybe she can change what ever it is. Sounds like your looking for a excuse. when you married her 16 yrs ago, she was probably the love of your life and your special valentine. You love her and made that vow for life, now that she has gained a few pounds, you want to throw her in the trash can. If you had been honest long ago it might not have got to this point. It takes two people to make a marriage, two people should make the decisions. Since you choose to be gone all the time, how and when are you going to take time to talk all this through. Maybe the reason she is like this, her husband is AWOL all the time. Be there, talk it over. Give it a chance. Help her drop the pounds and be supportive of her, later she can be proud of herself. Stop being a jerk and help your wife get her life and yours back together. Stop making excuses.

Answer 3

I'm not going to come down on you for this, because I think you are being honest about where you're at right now, and I also think there are a LOT of people who feel the same way you do and have the same situation going on in their marriage. I have to ask you...are you completely happy with YOURSELF? Why don't you have the "talk" that many people are suggesting here on Yahoo, however make it a JOINT effort. I.E. You BOTH get into an exercise and weight-loss program, you BOTH go to marriage counseling, you BOTH get involved in Church and maybe even join a co-ed league of some sort. Though I'm not coming down on you, I will tell you that it is not ONLY her fault, therefore you can't make it her responsibility to make it all better. If you don't work just as hard as she does, then your marriage will terminate. I really hope that doesn't happen because you have invested 16 years of your life into this marriage, and it is a commitment not only to her, but to God himself.

Answer 4

Have you had a heart to heart with her.
She is obviously suffering as well or she would not be carrying the weight as that is often tied to emotional problems.
I bet she'd be happier without you as well since it seems she has shut down.
Maybe talk about your dreams.
I truly believe that if you are not both excited about life and your future together in the big picture you should divorce and move on. Not in a nasty divorce but understanding you did have some good times together in the past but need to be content as life is really short. If you have tried all of the options that are recommended by others the obvious is your options to begin to live again. Hope you find contentment and meaning with another.

Answer 5

Well, do you think your wife has gained weight from being depressed? She may feel like the more you pull away from her, the more she will turn to food to comfort her because obviously, you're not going to be there. Be a man and stand up for what you feel!!! You are a coward. She may be fat and lazy and not driven towards anything but at least she recognizes it. Why don't you try talking to her and maybe she'll be happy enough to want to change her weight for you.

Answer 6

What a jerk!! Maybe if you paid attention to her she would want to change and how many kids do you have after being married for 16 years? Maybe she is just as unhappy as you are and maybe it is your fault have you even tried talking to her in a NICE WAY??? Not straight up say she is "lazy fat woman" but just be like hey baby why dont we go for a walk and talk or something that will help her WANT to lose the weight.

Answer 7

Well I guess you need to get a divorce... but it was really selfish on your part to wait until she was up in age before you divorced her. When are you men going to learn that there is more to a woman than her looks... and from the sound of it that is what you went for when you married her... You had nothing in common with her to keep you wanting to be with her even if she gain some pounds... She already knows what you are thinking and that is why she quit doing things for you... and probably gain the weight too... Just remember that most women when they get up in thier 30's gain extra pounds, sometimes alot of pounds, due to having kids and thier motabalism shutting down.. You really didn't do her any favors by staying with her... and yes there are some men out there who probably think your wife is beautiful... I just hate that your wife waisted all her pretty on you.... I was just wondering are you bald and gray headed and have you gain extra pounds on over the years... Oh that is right most women like bald gray headed men with some extra weight on them because that means thay are mature and think with more than what is betweet his legs... I just hope that when you do leave her that she gets her self esteem back and looses all her weight and beleive me if she does she will be more beautiful than when she met you...

you are right you are mean....

Answer 8

It sounds like it's over to me. I only hope you do not have children. Breaking up a family is a terrible thing. I am divorced with 3 kids. My wife ran away with one of my friends. I filed and now we are apart. Both of us only share our kids 50% of the time. It is horrible. I would rather be in misery than put my kids through seeing their mom pork one of their father's friends and then move in with him. If you don't have kids, hit the road and don't look back. Life is too short to live with someone you have no good feelings for. By jamming, you also release her. Maybe she'll find some fatboy somewhere. They can sit around and eat carmel corn and fart on each other. Mean while, you are out on the prowl looking for a shag. Good luck.

Answer 9

When people gain a lot of weight it is usually because they are unhappy. I suspect you have other problems in the marriage and she is dealing with them by eating. You are avoiding them by staying away from home as much as possible and putting the blame all on her. Nothing is getting solved. If you want this marriage to work you need help. If you are looking for excuses to leave then you need to be honest and admit that.

Answer 10

Sorry to hear that. If you loved her maybe you could explain to her that you are not physically attracted to her anymore because of the extra pounds. Let her know that you feel neglected on every level. Unless she is willing to do something about herself you will be paying the price. If she's too crabby and lazy maybe it's time to move on. Sounds like you've been taken for granted.......