i feel like im always competing with her what the hell?

Question

me and my best friend have been friends for 4 years now and even though she is a close friend to me i feel like she hurts me i feel that im always competing against her like as if she was the one that always got me sad i always felt that our friends would pick her instead of me i dont think im jelous i just think when im around her i feel weak like if im just someone whos help less someone that isnt cared for like if none of my other friends ever even liked me why do i feel this way? am i jelous? sad?

Answer 1

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Answer 2

What you're dealing with, I believe, is a low selfesteem.

My friend is very pretty. She is slender and has a lovely face. I, on the other hand, am not slender by any means and therefore, don't feel that I compare.

I love my friend. I spent a great deal of time with her. Yet, she was always telling me about the guys that looked at her, flirted with her, hit on her, etc. She was married with a son and she would always bring it up. She would act like it annoyed her but in truth she was flattered. I was sitting there with no prospects and I would end up depressed and wishing that she would just shut up.

She ended up having an affair and leaving her husband (and me) behind.

The point is that you need to look at yourself. You and your friend are two different people with different beauties and different gifts. You have something that is needed and benficial to those around you. Granted, they may not see it right now but someone will one day.

I've had people compliment my talents and my personality and it wasn't my friends. The ony time she would compliment me was when I was depressed and forced her to take the focus off of herself long enough to acknowledge me. Then, when I was all right again, the spotlight was back on her.

Be there for your friend but know that you are special and that you are not as forgettable as you believe yourself to be. Also know that sometimes people aren't aware of the way they make others feel. Spotlight stealers are very good at being the center of attention, making others feel like supportive cast. This isn't because they are bad people, but just because they haven't learned that the whole world doesn't revolve around them.

Broaden your circle of friends, join clubs or groups, write in a journal. But, above all else, remember that you are special and that you are important, even if it isn't always expressed verbally.

It will improve. Trust me.

Answer 3

Hmmm...sounds like your friendship isn't as strong as you thought.

Why would you want to feel that way. I think you are still around as people get use to things and stay in a rut.
Venture away from her more (didn't say drop her cold turkey)...just do more without her and see how you feel then.

If you like that new feeling with newer or even friends you have now that you can spend more time with then yes, spend less time with her from then on. You can still be friends, just do more with your other friends or find some new ones too.

Been there and did the same thing I'm suggesting to you and I feel SO much better about myself and could care less about how I feel around the other person now.

Best of luck.

Answer 4

I'm going through exactly the same thing right now! I feel like my best friend is always the best and noone likes me as much as her! My suggestion is - try to ignore it and be yourself, don't let her make you jealous. I have 3 more friends who prefer her to me. At first I really tried being like her so they would like me more, but it never works. I juststopped caring of what they think. Never show that you are hurt to anyone! Try talking to her, if shes truly ur best friend, shell understand. Be yourself and just try to ignore everything. It's allright to feel a little sad and jealous abou that. Trust me, sooner or later everyone will notice you as an equal to her, not as someone in the shadow.

Answer 5

Being with your best friend should not make you feel bad or insecure. Some friends are just down right toxic. Maybe it is time to find a new friend and just slowly see less of this friend. There is probably no reason to cut her off completely, but also no reason to be with her and feel bad all the time. Good luck, there are plenty of nice people out there to replace her with.

Answer 6

There are leader and followers. I think your friend probably is a little bratty, maybe decides every thing you two talk about, places you go and friends you have. She is controlling you. You need to make new friends, back away from her if she is keeping you down. I knew people like her back in my middle school days, they like to keep you down, so they can be the center of attention. You deserve a better friend, this one is not a good one, get away and make new friends. You will feel a lot better about yourself once she is not around to control your every thought.

Answer 7

Sounds to me like you're prepared to bypass on. next time you experience the urge basically walk away. all of us improve up eventualy. i actual might want to care a lot less if I win or loose. see you later as I actually have relaxing that's all that concerns. and also you would locate having relaxing is a lot more desirable worthwhile, ls human beings will like you larger.

Answer 8

it is easy to feel this way in a group, even the most popular people feel this way at times. not everyone is liked the same & not everyone contributes to a group the same way. perhaps your friend is more outgoing and that is why you feel they like her more. your contribution to the group may be more quieter or your may be one they go to whe they need to talk... figure out what your role is in the group and then you won't feel so alone. or don't hang out with your friend while she is with this group, and just do things together alone like shopping, lunch whatever

Answer 9

Look it takes 2 to compete.

Jealosy = Insecurity.

Do you have a reason to feel threatened by her?

Answer 10

natural envy

everyone has competition

no matter the opponent

it gets to people sometimes, especially me

you just want some things so bad, you don't care what you do to get it