I want to trust my teenager?

Question

My 13.5 daughter wants to go to a movie with her friend this Friday after school. However, she does not want to tell me who are going with her. I tried to have a conservation with her if a boy inviting her to the movie. As a parent, I need to know where my child is and who she is with.

My daughter feels that her friends' parents do not question there children where they are. She feels that I'm being over protective of her and does not let her makes her own mistakes.

I love my daughter and understand understand that she wants to be with her friends but feel that she needs to be responsible with her actions.

The other day, when she disrespected me by used a "F" word and slapped me on my face. I could have easily slapped her back but I didn't. My husband and I sat her down to talk to her that her action was inappropriate and was disrespectful to me.

All your comments were very helpful. I sincerely thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time for the feed back

Answer 1

You should not let her go any where if you dont know who is going with her. and if she disrespects you like that then she needs to be punshed in some way, grounded, or not allowed to do some thing like go to a movie. you should not trust her with out a good reason.
my parents have to know where we are going, when we will be home, who is going, and what we plan to do while we are gone. if they do not have all this information we are not allowed to go. there have been 2 big times my older brother and I have gone on trips together. we went to the same camp in the mountians 8 hours away. we had to tell our parents through cell phones every place we stoped, and we had to make sure we checked in before a certan time at the camp. we had to earn our parents trust. and you should make your daughter do the same.

Answer 2

I know you love your daughter, but it is your responsibility as her parent to know where she is and when she'll be home. Do not accept any excuses she sends your way and do not feel guilty for standing your ground. Tell her that if something were to happen to her - or to you - that you need to know where and who she is with - end of the discussion. If she doesn't tell you, she doesn't go.

If my daughter ever used the "F" word on me and slapped my face she would find her room emptied of all her belongings. She would also find me taking her to and from school each and every day (and I work). I would also be heading off to see a counselor. You simply can't accept this type of behavior! And sitting down to talk to her doesn't mean anything. Actions speak louder than words.

I'm not trying to be harsh... I have a 17 year old daughter and I know how tough it can be. You want a great relationship and a happy kid... you want to be a friend. But we're not their friends. We're they're mothers (love us or leave us!). Good luck, take care, and be strong mom!

Answer 3

I have to admit I was the same way to my mother, as many stupid teens are. I can only tell you what my mother said to me when I acted like your daughter did.

When I or my sister, would refuse to tell her who we were going with, where we were going, how we were getting there, etc we were not allowed to go. No questions asked. If she didn't have the details, there was no point in even asking to go. The only downside is once we were really rebellious and 16 or so we would just lie.

Also, from your daughters point of view she is trying to act like an adult and what the media has made "cool". Try to explain to her that if there is an emergency and you need to get ahold of her, you need to know where she is. Tell her you don't care about her private life, you just want the basic details: WHO she is with and who is driving her from where to where, WHERE she is going, WHEN she is leaving and coming back.

Secondly, your daughter is an angry, confused teenager. I am not trying to categorize her, but it sounds like she is frustrated and desperately in need of freedom. Try allowing her simple freedoms and making her earn what she does. Personally, I can say that if I had done what your daughter did (from experiance) I would have been grounded for a week from the computer, phone, and going out, plus the next big event I would not be allowed to attend (like someones party). That teaches you fast!

Being older now, and watching my parents at the end of raising my sister, I have complete empathy for you, and can only say that although your daughter may resent you now for punishing her, know that in the future she will praise you for it. I cannot thank my mom and dad enough for making me earn my freedom, act kindly, and learn to control my temper. It is because of how they raised me that I now respect them with a deeper respect than when I was younger.

Good luck, and know that you are doing the best you can, no matter how you think your daughter feels about you.

Answer 4

First of all you are a good parent!

Yes, you should ask her who she wants to go to the movies with, of course you should. It is your obligation as a parent to make sure your children are not making a mistake. But, remember to be careful and not too judgmental over her friends. What may seem like something to you is different to her.

Her refusal to tell you should be a red flag waving. Try explaining that while other parents may not care about their child enough to ask such things, that is not you. You care and you need to know before you give your permission for her to go at all. If she won't tell you (the truth) she doesn't get to go.

She might think other parents don't ask but I bet a lot of them do and that what she hears is just what her friends tell her-not the whole story. Offer to drive and pick up, maybe that will help.

Do you know any of her friends and or their parents? If so maybe contact some of them and get together to compare "notes" and to make sure stories are straight, times are right, pick up location is good, etc...

You are doing the right thing so stick to your guns, you seem to have a level head and a patience for your daughter and for raising her properly with respect.

Good Luck

Answer 5

WHAT?! I am going to be 16 in about 3mos, and my parents still want to know who i am hanging out with, and it's not because i am bad or anything, actually i hardly ever get into trouble when i am away from home, they just explained to me that they wanted to know where i was going to be and who with, and i understood. As for the slapping thing, i would never even think about slapping my mom, or cussing in front of her, that is just straight up disrespectful! If i had ever done anything close to that nature, i could kiss the movies good-bye for at least 3 months, my parents don't play that. In the words of my mom "it sounds like your child doesn't have enough disipline" and i would believe her, because she has raised two very well-adjusted and successfull childeren.

Answer 6

Dear solitude: the fact that you doubt your own decision to make related with your daughter with the addition of her disrespectful and aggressive behavior tells me that you didn't know how to put her limits. It doesn't matter what other parents do, that is not a logical argument you have your standards ands she has to respect them may be she needs clearer rules as how to behave. It is not enough to talk with her, she needs to be "punished" for slapping you.Kids shouldn't hit parents and the other way round. Make a strong point of the dangers outside, look for help on your husband and ask him to support you.Authority is not authoritarianism.Lack of rules tend to provoke very bad consequences in teenagers. In real world as in work environment doesn't allowed this kind of behavior, I f you don't hurry up, life will teach her the hard way Explained her that lack of rules by other parents may signify lack of interest, even lack of real love. Good luck

Answer 7

what you could do, get a behaivoral therapists for you and your daughter. They work quite well on kids and teens, and also help you get through things as a parent. Ok, now, from what I've read, you sound like an excelent parent! You should not except such behavior or laungage from your 13-year-old child. Even when I was 16, my parents wanted to know who I was going out with, and where. As I was saying about the therapist, she/he will teach you how to react and respond to your children's misbehaviours and other difficulties. Also, maybe, when you talk to her, speak to her as if she's an adult. i remeber when i was 13, I HATED it when adults would speak to me as if I were a little kid. It's also a respect thing. If you respect her, she would much more likly respect you back. good luck, and God Bless you:)

Answer 8

Sounds like you have a situation on your hands! Don't let her disrespect you your the mother and you have to lay down the laws! If she doesn't tell you then refuse to let her go and that's the end of it! Don't let your child take control because at the end you lose!

Answer 9

im 13 years old too. i guess if i was going to the movies with my friends i would tell my mom. but its kinda akaward telling my mom if i was going with a guy because then i would want to go but i have a feeling my mom wouldntlet me. ne reasonable with her. I think you should let her have a boyfriend but dont act all freaked out with her or all "wierd" if you know what i mean.

if you think its with a guy and you let her go tell her you must have her home by a certain time or she wont be able to go next time or something. if you want more info just message me

Answer 10

this girl sounds like a brat!!! you need to punish her for disrespecting you and slapping you. just for that i wouldn't let her go to the movies with her friend. you need to put your foot down because if you don't this behavior will continue and get worse. don't be afraid to use tough love