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short version....
i left a realtionship because it was starting to become verbally abusive and the fights were stupid and out of control.
he refused counseling for along time but told me today he has an appointment tomorrow with a therapist because he wants to do anything he can to get back together.
it is what i wanted for the longest time. i love him but he has hurt me so much in the past i dont know how to "get over" and forget. I can forgive....i already have but i have a hard time forgetting that terrible things he said to me. i have been going to counseling for the last 6 months to get my head straight about it all.
I dont want to be the woman who goes back and in a few months the verbal and emotional abuse starts allover again. I am not stupid and a doormat.
I do love him,we have a history that was not all bad. Can someone like him (angry, verbally explosive,sometimes very mean and cruel) learn to be nice?
2007-01-08 12:26:53 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
YOU ARE SAYING MY STORY...IT HAPPENED TO ME...BASICALLY THE SAME WAY, AND I HAD ASKED HIM TO DO COUPLES THERAPY, AND HE WOULD SAY NO, AND AFTER ALMOST 5 YEARS, I FINALLY LEFT, AND HE MADE THE APPOINTMENT, ETC. WE ACTUALLY WENT, AND HAVE HAVE BEEN GOING. IT HAS HELP...HE CONTROLS HIMSELF MORE, BUT ONCE IN AWHILE THE LANGUAGE COMES OUT...IN MY HEART I REALLY WANT TO BELIEVE HE'LL CHANGE...BUT ONLY TIME WILL TELL. WE'VE BEEN DOING FOR TWO MONTHS, ONE HOUR A WEEK...
ALL I CAN TELL YOU, DON'T MOVE BACK, UNTIL TIME PASSES...THAT IS WHAT I TOLD HIM, I NEED A LEAST A YEAR....WILL SEE.
2007-01-08 16:44:12 · answer #1 · answered by so 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would let him go to counseling, and wait for a while. At some point, go to a couples counselor together and see how he responds to the discussion about verbal abuse. Abusers will sometimes attend counseling, but will say, "She made me yell at her because...," or "She made me hit her because..." Just because he's going, it doesn't mean it will fix the problem.
If couples counseling seems to check out after several visits, you could try short dates and observe the situation.
2007-01-08 12:35:24 · answer #2 · answered by Faith 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is good that he is going to counseling but I would not get go back with him until he has gone for several months and you see change. Make him earn your trust and that will take time and consistency. Believe his actions not his words. You don't know what he is telling his therapist of if he is being honest with him/her. Be cautious and move slowly.
2007-01-08 12:43:29 · answer #3 · answered by mjohnson1422 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's going for the wrong reasons. He shouldn't be going so he can get back together with you, he should be going because he realizes he needs help and wants to change for good.
2007-01-08 12:40:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, but it will help you.
You can't really love this person.
You need to learn to love yourself first, respect yourself
demand the same from every one.
Go to Therapy and also find out what "love" is.
2007-01-08 12:39:01 · answer #5 · answered by Ms. Angel.. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He wont turn into one of those too nice guys, but he can learn how to control his anger. It takes a whole new attitude change. I would move on.
2007-01-08 12:33:46 · answer #6 · answered by Lovebug123 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋