It's my stepdaughter AGAIN...............?

Question

My husband's daughter is so disrespectful. She is almost 22, married to a creep that doesn't work, & has a 3 year old. She is an LPN & makes pretty good $$$.

Husband is a bipolar ADHD kind of guy - can't hold a job, has tried to get disability - he is almost 22. She takes the 3 year old to daycare because she doesn't trust him to watch her.
They both have cell phones. They eat out because they claim they don't know how to cook. They both smoke & drink. There is a $100 cable pkg in their trailer so he has something to do during the day.
She has left us msgs asking for money to pay her utility bills - she says they will accept a credit card. We refuse to pay her bills. She expects dad to drive 200 miles to come & see her, but she wouldn't drive 15 miles on Christmas day to spend an hour with him.
I am really losing it when it comes to this selfish kid. Dad would rather I dealt with her so he doesn't look like the bad guy, & that's fine, but I am going to let her know what I think.

We've been married for almost 9 years.

I am so INVOLVED with this because THIS is MY life too, and some spoiled immature kid is NOT going to take advantage of us any more...................

I have always been nice to this girl, but she is getting worse instead of better. I am down right sick and tired of the way she treats her father. He is afraid that if he stands up to her that she won't call him any more - big loss - she always wants something from him.

Dad does have his own money, but he doesn't easily part with it - not even for his princess. I am already the evil stepmom, so I won't be out anything if I tell her it's time to grow up. I'm thinking that some day she will understand - if not, she maybe isn't worth all of this heartache?????

Answer 1

Why should you be the one to bear the responsibility of setting this girl straight? It's your husband's flesh and blood, and he needs to be an integral part of all of this.
She needs to be told that if they can afford cable, smokes, booze, and eating out all the time, then they need to find a way to pay their bills. All of the previous mentioned things require money.....so what is their priority? LPNs do make pretty decent income, so there is no excuse as to why they can't pay their utilities.
She needs to be told that she is married and her dad is not obligated to support her anymore. And that speech needs to come from him, not you. I think it will have more of an impact if it were him that talked to her. I wish you the best of luck....I truly don't envy your situation.

Answer 2

sounds like you are making an assessment out of what she has told you??? Your daughhter ( step) has made her choice, and it's up to her to figure this out. She married him and that comes with the good qualities and the negative ones too.
You can't be at her beck and call all the time, and she needs to stop telling you two about her husband! I am sure all she wants is sympathy by telling you these things, but that doesn't give the guy a fair shake and he definitely can't ever defend himself to you both.
You and your husband BOTH need to let her down, but gently but also firmly. Lecturing a 22 year old is not going to cut it, and she'll just leave hot headed in a huff, and totally not understand what you both are trying to say. She needs to be told in a way that is gentle, and yet loving... she needs to hear from her dad while he supports you and visa versa. It doesn't matter if you are his second wife or third, or fourth. The daughter needs to see a united front, and out of love for her and eachother, this is something she needs to do on her own. If her husband can't get a job, she needs to downsize and her problems such as bills are not yours. She decided to marry and have a family on her own, she and her husband need to take care of this together as a family.

If your husband lets you handle it, he's sending her a message that other people will take responsibility for you life issues and you won't have a thing to worry about, and also if she hears it coming from you, she won't believe what she hears and undermine you and go to her dad, and he'll have a hard time saying no... sounds like a vicious cycle.
You need to talk to your husband about this, it's both your problem and you need to come into agreement of how you are going to handle this and what you are willing to put up with, agree and decide what you are going to do about your daughter's behaviour together. Write points down on paper if you have to.
But let her know you both love her, but she's an adult now, she has to provide for her family.

Answer 3

Well u are going about it wrong.It's his kid so he should deal with it. What u say means nothing to her.She will find a way to get to her dad and if he caves in then u are going to be so pissed.Why are u letting this woman ruin your marriage.It's his kid let him deal with it with his money.NOT BOTH OF YOURS. If he has no money of his own then oh well.She's just s h i t out of luck. Don't be the bad guy. I've seen it to many times. Never works.Good luck hon

Answer 4

Your husband needs to get some ka-whoo-nas and deal with that. YOUR job should just be a listening ear and gentle advice (if she asks for it). If she got rid of this creep, it sounds like she has a pretty good head on her shoulders. Never bail her out. She needs to learn NATURAL CONSEQUENCES. Just listen. Don't criticize even thought it is hard.

Answer 5

It seems they are just squandering their money and aren't in genuine need of help, they are just trying to use you. I certainly wouldn't be paying any of her bills, and her FATHER needs to be telling her this. Otherwise he is setting you up to be the Evil Step-mom. She sounds selfish and immature, and dad needs to tell her that!

Answer 6

wow...ur stepdaughter sounds like a real peice of work...there are plenty of peple with bi-polar and ADHD that have jobs and i know one woman that has both and she is holding down 2 jobs and raising her daughters...i would tell that girl to get real....i dont blame u for not paying her bills, but what i dont understand is y ur hubby wants u to deal with her...after all he made the darling

Answer 7

sounds like the bigger problem with this picture is the drinking part.Alcohol doesnt mix very well with bipolar or adhd.Alcohol is a natural depressant.And who wants to cook if theyre too busy drinking.
To give them what they want when they want it is only telling them its ok to live that way.
If dad loves her,he needs to tell her to take responsibility for her family,especially her daughter.If they have a problem with alcohol they need to get help!

Answer 8

sounds to me like you know what to do already. don't seek out contact and if she calls dear old dad, say he isn't there or something. if your'e already the evil-stepmom than what does it matter?