A parenting question about my 12 year old daughter?

Question

I need some advice.
I find that my 12 year old daughter, although cute, intelligent and talented, seems to lack confidence in certain areas. To look at her, you would think she would be one of the more popular girls at school, but for some reason, she doesn't seem to develop close friendships. She has friends, but they all seem disposable.
I've noticed she has a habit of chasing after boys who obviously aren't interested in her, and the same with girls she wants to be friends with who aren't interested in being friends. I tell her she's wonderful, and at home she's confortable and confident, but no matter what I say to her, she doesn't seem to understand that she doesn't need to TRY so hard for people to like her.
I get the feeling she's shy at school, which surprises me because I don't see that shy girl very often, and I know she has it in her to be confident and outgoing.
She's involved in dance, and plays drums in the school band, but she never seems to connect with anyone.

Answer 1

At 12 she is just figuring out who she is and where she fits in the scheme of things. Give her space and time to develop. Some kids never have really close friends at school and the kids that are the most popular and appear confident are often the most insecure.
She will come into her own when she is ready and that may be at 16, 18, 20, or older. Relax, these things have a way of working themselves out.

Answer 2

Okay, I'm a twelve year old that's been suffering the same thing. I know that parents will say that they understand, but really, the answer is suprising. If you notice the cuter girls, in her school, (and yes, in 99% of schools have very mean and are very self-absorbed) but they will act very nice in front of an adult, but can yell VERY rude insults, and comment on how she looks. No matter if she's been voted the most prettiestm smartest, girl on this planet, usually for self confidence and to let others know she's still better, the other girl will make fun of her. That would be a very rich source of the low self esteem and low self confidence. It's very hard to act what people now call "normal". Many parents enforce this, but it simply cannot happen with this much stress. Maybe she's just a loner. It's normal to want something, (boys) that you can't touch. (get them to like you back, or date them.) At home, she is probably comfortable with you because she can trust you. It sounds like you are one of her closet friends. It's very hard to make friends in this new superfical world of which if you don't look perfect and act perfect, then you're shunned and ignored. It's very hard to try if you know you will not succeed. Think of it this way; If someone finds a washing machine, and they try to use it, but it does not work, so they keep trying, and call a mechanic and the mechanic says it's broken for good. Well, the "man" knows that it will not work anymore, so why try? It's a good scenario of what she's going through. I suggest that you leave her alone, but if she confronts you about this, more than once, you need to help her. It's the signal that your first answer was not clear, or it's not working. Maybe she should talk to a pyschologist to help her confidence.

Answer 3

Many wonderful friendships don't form until you are older. She may have just not met someone she clicked with in that certain way. Just give her some time- she has plenty of time to make friends. All you can do is assure her that you love and support her, encourage her to make friendships. If you want, about the issue where she has to try hard to make friends, tell her that if friendships are meant to happen, they will, and don't force anything. Use some stories from your experiences if possible. Approach this subject carefully, though, and be prepared if she feels bad because you "think she's trying too hard." Stick with her and eventually everything will work out. Hope this helps. Good luck!

Answer 4

In school theses days unfortuatly band and Dance dont really make you popular. For some reason it seems like all the Bad kids are the popular ones. Mabey it a good thing she kinda keeps to herself. It could help keep her out of trouble. Schools are so clicky now if you dont have the expensive clothes and gadgets your not cool. Try not to push her to much. And really talk to her aobut it. Mabey she is being picked on or somthing. But she is only 12 she is still trying to figure out who she is as a person. I remember when i was that age i had no real close friends. But later on in school i found a few close friends that i am still friends with now. Give her time.

Answer 5

First of all!!!! BAND!!! people in my school that are in band are considered huge nerds (band geeks), no matter how wonderful they are! im not trying to be rude im just giving facts. Are you sure she doesnt look or dress different then the other girls? I know your supposed to be "an individulal", but in middle school, thats the last thing you want to be! let her feel confident by letting her wear makeup, buying her a cool new outfit, or having a huge boy-girl dance/party thing! Rent the local city hall or room for a party.......it doesnt have to be for her b-day! Dance is a good sport! why not have her try another thing thats even more team like.........try volleyball or softball or track...good luck

Answer 6

properly is chaperoned "courting" out of the question? the way I see it, 12 year old purely communicate or carry palms while they date. My mom replaced into very strict approximately boys and that i began out being homeschooled in the seventh grade, no longer by way of boys however the toddlers generally. I hated homeschooling on the beginning up yet I grew to like it and that i'm now happy i replaced into. I discovered who i replaced into and that i found out my own morals with out every physique else's impression. besides my factor is I not at all had a boyfriend till i replaced into sixteen. i replaced into not at all even kissed or something. 2 years later we are married and better than chuffed. We even waited till we've been married to have intercourse. So my factor is, once you're female is a good female, then that's what she is, and no person will exchange that. merely shop chatting along with her, and maybe in case you do group dates or chaperoned dates she will have the skill to no longer experience so diverse from the different women, yet you probably can shop an eye fixed on her.

Answer 7

i had the same problem when i was in school. my parents made me take acting lessons to bring out my confidence more, and it worked. By the time i went to high school, i was fully confident in myself. If you're daughter is really shy, maybe she wants to be that way. Sometimes it works just to give her some space and let her find what she could do to solve this.

Answer 8

i am also 12 and she might just not like the people at school. call up a couple of her friends from dance and school and she will problay bond, but have it be a short gathering in case she doesnt feel comfterable being with them that long. If she enjoys it then keep doing it and they will soon start to realate!! good luck!

Answer 9

I hate to say this but the band thing. Im a parent too and know your pain. Kids make fun of other kids when they are in band. Drums are cool though. When my neice left band (she played flute) she joined student counsel and things pickedup for her. Good luck.

Answer 10

Maybe she should have her own sleepover and invite a bunch of the girls from school. Just an idea. Good luck.