Should I give up?

Question

I messed up with my girlfriend and she doesnt want to be with me anymore I didnt cheat and I didnt hit her I just wasnt the the man she needs and we have 2 kids and 5 years invested and I dont want to lose her right now it looks hopeless but I am optomistic about us I dont want to seem like a stalker but I want her to understand how sorry I am for disappointing her and the kids and that I want to make things right. she says that its hopeless but we have had worse times and we got through it.What can I do to get my family back without seeming over obssesive?

Answer 1

This is a hard one. I can tell you from the 'woman's' point of view, it's going to be very hard if she has her mind made up. My ex (we finally were able to file our divorce today after one year of waiting) has been trying for 5 months to 'convince' me that he's changed and that he can be the 'man' that I need. But, unfortunately, when it's to late, it's to late and my mind is made up that he should have thought about it months if not years before the actual split took place to realize his wrongs.

All you can do is show her by your actions, NOT words, and maybe it will make a difference. I know when he shows me with actions that he can be better, we get along better and we don't fight as much, at least that will help for the kids. But the worse thing you can do, if she says she doesn't want to get back with you, is get nasty with her and become mean and upset, like my ex does to me. That will drive her away further...

Answer 2

Honestly, from a woman's point of view, let her go. Just about anything you do except giving her space and respecting her wishes will make you look obsessive or like a stalker. Your best intentions and efforts will get twisted and make you look a clinger that can't respect her wishes. I've seen it a dozen times over.

Did she tell you that you weren't the man she needs? If so, you really got to move on.

In due time, if things are meant to be wouldn't you like for her to feel like you're the kind of person she can come to and work things out with? If you keep at her and keep trying to apologize and smother her, she will run faster and farther away. Show respect for her wishes and her thoughts and let her go. Nothing, absolutely nothing is worse than someone trying to manipulate a person into changing their mind to stay in a relationship.

Answer 3

Well the bad news is, if she has already made up her mind, there is littel chance that you can change that. But if she is still torn between it all, then there is still a chance. Maybe write her a letter and send it with some flowers. Plus you have to find out what it is that she wants you to change and show her that you can change and change for good, not for just a couple months like a lot of guys do, because then if you break again, your done, there's no going back and trying to say that you will change because you already proved that you can't. So good luck with it all and see if you can get her to sit down talk to you about what you need to change and ask her to give you some time and let you prove to her.

Answer 4

If she is unwilling to get into counseling to help you two learn to communicate, then, pretty much, it's over. In couples unmarried, 5 years and two kids is about the max if you have been having problems all along.... those are just the fact, hon. So unless the two of you are willing to seek some professional help, and make some efforts to build a relationship on respect, admiration, and trust, you have nothing.

Answer 5

It would really depend on what you did wrong. If it's something that betrayed her trust, cheating isn't the only thing, then, it's more than likely over, you've done the damage. If it's just a simple fact of you not living up to her expectations, you can always try. It could simply be she doesn't love you and you should ask her, and if that is the case, let her go.