Should I Stay With my Wife? (We have drifted apart)?

Question

I have been married to my wife since 2002, been together since 1997, in the beginning all was good, she took on my 6 year old daughter which was great. 1998 i moved out of the area to be closer to her, leaving my friends and family, kept in touch with a few people, 2002 we got married, and bought our 1st home, and i started a new job, 2004 arrived and our daughter was born, things have gone downhill since babies birth, for the last 2yrs we are at each others throats, nit picking each others faults etc, im now @ home looking after our 2yr old while the wife is @ work, and the bitching starts again when she arrives home. Back in August last year i bumped back into a very old friend of 20yrs, who ive always held a torch for, she's down in the dumps with her marriage, her husband is always in trouble with the law, or leaving her and her 2 kids with no money or food, i know she has a torch for me, we havnt done anything, probably wont, im willing 2 leave my marriage if she is. wot 2 do nxt?

Answer 1

WOW, that's a tough one. i know what it's like to be in a relationship that your not happy in and have someone else you want to be with so badly. So the way I made my decision was the fact that I thought to myself, do I want to live miserable for the rest of my life, or do I want to be happy? Yes you would be leaving your little girl, but you did it once with your oldest, you know that it will be ok. Is your happiness worth it all? I choose to be happy and left my husband to be with the man of my dreams and I don't regret it at all! Never once. I'm glad I made the decision that I made and my twins are dealing just fine with it. So you need to sit yourself down and have a heart to heart talk and figure out what is important to you in your life. Do you deserve to be happy? I'm sur eyou do, everybody does. So I say that if you are miserable at home and you know that there is that special person out there waiting for you, then do it, just jump in with both feet! Otherwise a few years down the road you may split up anyhow and your love will be gone with someone else. Just a hint, get yourself perpared for it, do all the things you need to do to prepare yourself for the split, get a job, save cash, take anything that is very special to you and hide it etc... Good luck in it all! But happiness is wonderful!

Answer 2

I have not read any other replies so this is my own thoughts on what you have written and sorry you are feeling like this I have been there and it is not pleasent however all is not lost.
First of all stay well clear of any thoughts you have with your friend for now you need to sort out where your marrigae is going first you owe that to not only yourself but your wife and children.
My reason for saying this is not to be nasty but to put things in perspective for you.
Your friend is going through a bad patch and so are you both of you very unhappy at present what you have done is think you have found the answer because your friend is listening to you,supporting you,empathising with you and talking to you ALL THINGS that unfortunatly at present your wife is not doing with you so it will look to you as if you have found the answer trust me i have been through this and it is not the answer all that will happen is if you go down this root a lot of people including you are going to get hurt and things between you and friend will be good for a while then the relationship will come into reality and it is then finding things missing from that which will stilll be with your wife that will come into conflict.
it takes two to make and break a relationship and that is something I learnt the hard way.
The answer is not easy but in the end it is the best way you need to sit down with your wife and tell her how unhappy you are and what is making you feel like this. You have to be open,honest,frank even if you have to tell her something you know is going to hurt her it will have to be done and she will also have her say so be prepared for her hates/dislikes. Only once you thrash out all the problems will you be able to both take a long hard look at what happens next. You may have simply lost the art of conversation and forgot one anothers needs. You may not or she may not be able to be the same in the relationship having a child does change you although you have already had a child she had biologically not.
It is worth all the upset to thrash it all out and if you do decide it is over only then will you be able to have a proper relationship with your friend becasue you are taking no bagage with you, you have sorted it. She will also need to work at her relationship.
I wish you ever bit of luck with this as it is hard I cant tell you what to do but hope what I have said makes sence and points you in the right way.

Answer 3

Well the thing is, having babies will do funny things to a person. Perhaps she has a bit of depression or a bit down about how her body is after having a baby. I don't know exactly. But I don't think you should just scarper once the going gets a bit tough. If you did get with the other woman, who's to say the other relationship will be fantastic, it all might go downhill just the same. I think you should talk about why you are having the problems with your wife, have a proper conversation get it out in the open and be truthful. You have a child with this woman so please just give it a while. You will always have rose tinted glasses for this other woman, but you don't know what it could be like living with her. Don't even think of the other woman, she has nothing to do with your problems. Sort out your relationship with your wife first. If you 2 do decide to split then you can go to the other woman, with no guilt what so ever. Just get that woman completely out of your head, she may tempt you away from a relationship that is worth fighting for, from the mother of your child. Plus if you did get with the other woman, what would your first dates be like, I bet you'd take her out for meals, do all the romantic stuff, treat her like a princess, why don't you try that with the wife? After all she took your daughter on, I think that is very admirable.

Answer 4

I wont go on and give a long lecture.but you need to ask yourself this.....If you hadn't have bumped into this other woman you hold a torch for, would you have found as much fault in your marriage as what you have done?. If this other woman wasn't around, would you stick to your guns and make your marriage work?. I am sure many of us know what it is like to be in unhappy marriages and how you feel they are falling apart, and yes, it does happen. But far to often, people look for an escape route, instead of trying to work things out. Only you can reslove this one, and i wish you all the best in doing so.

Answer 5

Lee,
Communication is very important in a marriage.Maybe you should try discussing how you are feeling with your wife (don't mention x lover) .Do you still love your wife? If you do then fight for your marriage.Tell her that you feel neglected and need her affection. Also maybe you should take a step back & look at the situation from your wife's point of view. Try doing something nice for her when she gets home. Maybe ome fresh flowers and a nice dinner.Also if things don't work out for you & your wife, its usually not good to jump right into another relationship.Maybe you could refer your female friend to a local agengy that can help her in her time of need.

Answer 6

Honey, What is wrong with you? Your wife went into this marriage with a child to raise (and sounds like she did her job) and then has two more and you expect things to stay the same. Maybe you had better go for a reality check. Maybe you are partly at fault to. You cannot expect life to always be a bowl of cherries. Sounds to me that you want out because things are getting rough. Try spicing up your life with your wife. Take her out to dinner, send her flowers, take her on a vacation (just the two of you). Don`t bail out because the sea gets rough (ride the storm out). HOPE YOU MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION. You know the GRASS ALWAYS LOOKS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE.

Answer 7

I believe you should pull out all the stops with your wife before you run off with someone elses. Talk to her, suggest counseling, an unbiased friend a pastor anything it takes. Make sure you do everything in YOUR power to save the marriage before you call it quits. Until then don't give anymore thought to this other woman. That will just add to conflict and may change the true feelings you have for your wife.

Good Luck and God Bless

Answer 8

This is how affairs begin my friend. I would suggest first and foremost speaking with your wife and telling her look... we need to do something about this because I am not happy. You need to talk it out or maybe take a vacation just the two of you. Try doing some of the things you did when you first fell in love maybe a restaurant you guys would go to or a movie you saw. Date nights help. Make it a point to go out at least once every week or every other week. It sounds like you are looking for some one to tell you it is okay to take the easy out.

Answer 9

Its the same story with every case even you buy something you really like you start getting bored of it after sometime...this is your wife you are going through crisis....give it a deep thought things will never be the same as it use to be but if you both try it will be better then what they are. Talk to her, think what is annoying you about her and vice verse....think about your kids they would love to see there parents to be together. It seem you are acting a bit selfish since you met that friend of yours forget about her problems and try to resolve yours. I hope everything works out. Good luck

Answer 10

I think the clue is when she gave birth, she might be suffering
from post- natal- depression, this can last years if she has no
treatment for it. What you need to do is catch your wife on a
good day and try and talk to her, explain how you feel, ' that all
this bitching is destroying our marriage'! ask her how she feels.
The big question is, ' do you still love each other' if the answer is
' yes', then it's worth getting to the root of the problem. If it's ' no'
just think how it will affect your children in the long run.
Good luck to you.