My common law wife and I have been together for 10 years, and we have 2 kids.
We have been fighting so much in the past few years that there are only a few days a week where I really want to go home to her at night.
I really want to leave her, and I am ready to tell her. But, she is a nice person and a great mother, and I want to hurt her the least possible (It won;t be a complete surprise...this has been coming for a while)
So...... How/what do I say to her to ease some of the pain for her? I am not looking for sympathy...many of our problems were my fault and there is no hope of reconciliation.
Even with her faults, she is still a good person and we would both be happy with a great spouse.....just not each other.
Also, do I mention right away that I plan to help her financially, and that I would not fight her for the children (ther are better with her than me) or is that going to backfire on me?
2007-01-08 11:27:37 · 10 answers · asked by Raj B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
There isn't going to be any way to ease the pain but I recommend total honesty. It sounds like you've thought this out pretty well. you just need to gather your courage and have "the talk"
2007-01-08 11:33:29 · answer #1 · answered by Angela B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off I feel like these days commitment doesn't mean too much to many people. Wife or what you call a common law wife is someone you made a commitment to and you chose to bring children into this world with. Are you opposed to couples counseling and/or if so is it because you have someone else you want to be with or perhaps have already been with? 10 or 11 years of marriage these days seems to be the longest time many couples make it to. Just remember everyone suffers in a separation and that means the most innocent do which are the children. Please try everything before you throw your family away and then the children have to be compared to ping pong balls and have to go back and forth to mom and dad's place.
2007-01-08 11:57:05 · answer #2 · answered by Tgirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seem like a mature intelligent person. It's not going to be easy, but obviously you cannot be together, fighting constantly being in a loveless marriage, it will effect the kids badly.
There is such a thing as a civilized divorce. You must talk with her regarding this calmly. let her know you will not abandon the family, that you feel that a divorce is the way to go, but not in a fighting /war/hate kind of thing. Find a lawyer or a paralegal company that will make it official without spending too much money and move out as soon as you can. Make sure you have some rights regarding your children. Good luck.
2007-01-08 11:36:12 · answer #3 · answered by artist-oranit.com. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that being honest is just the simplest, most compassionate way to break up. No false pretenses, no 'dressing it up'.
Everything that needs to be said, you so stated in your question...."You are a wonderful person, I thank you for giving me 2 great kids. I know that many of the problems that we have been having are my fault, and you deserve to be happy. It just can't be with me. I have found an apt., and will be out on Sat..or whatever. etc.etc.etc." (maybe she won't be as hurt as you think..if this has been going on for so long?...)
I wouldn't say anything about support, legal actions against or for the kids at this time. She may know in her heart that this is coming, but the details will have to be worked out soon enough.
Good luck to you. I wish you the best.
2007-01-08 11:38:50 · answer #4 · answered by Nisey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Show her this question you just wrote. It sounds to me like you've got everything in check. Judging by the sounds of things she's probably thinking the same thing too. Get someone to watch the kids and have a sit down with her. Women have a tendency of wanting to fix things so ask her to let you finish before she starts talking. Work it all out on paper so you don't get sidetracked. Tell her that you care about her feelings but you feel you can't offer her the life she deserves. She may be more understanding than you think.
2007-01-08 11:37:50 · answer #5 · answered by charlie's baby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like there is no hard feelings on your part and you are trying to be fair. And just maybe she feels the same way but is afraid to tell you. So.. I think that I would sit down with her and say just what you said here and don't leave out the part where you compliment her on being a good mother and that. I think everything will be ok considering how calm and nice you sound, Good luck to you and my hat off to you for being so nice about it.
2007-01-08 11:43:25 · answer #6 · answered by *queenfairy1*Antioch California 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should tell her in a good time and place and while the children are not in front of you. You can tell them later on nicely that it just didn't work out between you and their mom. But the words, you have to choose them yourself, and I know you can do that. Raj, tell me something, honestly? are you in love with someone else? because your whole story just gives it away. No one willingly gives so much up unless he/she is sure that he/she will be happy starting with someone new. Go ahead...
2007-01-08 11:43:27 · answer #7 · answered by S&D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in a similar situation...I do not love my husband and told him so not very many weeks ago. Changes are coming fast for me know. Would be happy to discuss further...but not in this forum. Kaylee
2007-01-08 11:51:51 · answer #8 · answered by KaLee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you ever think that she may be feeling the same way?
2007-01-08 12:20:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
just tell her there is no easy way of doing it, but if it's over then she should know
2007-01-08 11:51:52 · answer #10 · answered by gabby 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋