my wife cheated should i believe her if she says she never had sex with him?

Question

i found out my wife has had an affair. she states that because i was so self centered i was ignoring her and she has been starving for affection for years. i do work full time and was in physical therapy assistant school. i recently withdrew because she says for years she has had to watch our young kids while i work and study. I thought by working hard, i would demonstrate my commitment to our family. she says all she wanted was me, my undivided attention, which she says she had with this other man. She makes me feel like everything was my fault. She says she never slept with him, but there was kissing and petting that went on. Is this marrage worth saving? Is it cheating to go meet another man for emotional intamacy. I have read many of her emails- there were many references to sex. She said it was all just words, she said she felt attraction to him, but could not go through with sleeping with him. he too is married. should i believe her?

Answer 1

She may not have slept with him but I bet she did. Either way she cheated, kissing and petting is cheating. Did she try to communicate that she was emotionally starved BEFORE she cheated? I'd keep away if I were you... When this new relationship of hers gets out of the 'honeymoon period' and he's not spending every second with her, she'll cheat on him too. She is clearly a deceptive person that doesn't deserve your time.

Answer 2

She has let you know one thing, your taking to long and sometimes that is annoying. It can be a turn off if you are expected to wait and wait when you are ready. The feeling can go away with too much stimulation you know. If we miss that peak, then it's not as good. A long lasting session is not always best. When I had small kids, it was hard to be excited about sex. BUT, one thing was true, when I thought I wasn't in the mood, I could easily be put there with the right approach. During this time in my marriage, my husband always had to initiate sex. I'm glad that he did, because I wouldn't have. It's not that I didn't want it, but he had to initiate back then. Luckily my husband knew that my seeming disinterested attitude could be changed. All he had to do was tickle me for a few minutes and I was in "the zone" and would do just about anything he wanted to do. Your problem here is very common with couples after they have a child. Marriages are not always easy and they do take work. These people who tell you to leave are heartless and haven't thought of your child. Things will get better, but don't wait for them to get worse before you start working on them. Marriages go through phases. I never considered divorce when things got harder. We made vows, it is only an option if I'm being beaten : ) Been married 22 years with very few bumps. He's my best friend and soulmate ~ but I did seem less interested in sex when I had 4 little children all clamoring for my attention all day long. Have you ever listened to Dr Laura? If not, you should b/c you'll get a lot of good couple advice from the callers on her show. Get your wife to listen too, it's interesting and you hear all kinds of issues that we all have.

Answer 3

If you believe there was no sex involved I've got some swamp land in Florida I'd like to sell you, too. Of course your wife made it all your fault, so she wouldn't have to be held accountable. She sounds like a selfish selfcentered and immature woman. So she has to watch the kids while you work to support her and study to make a better life for your family, well boo hoo. They are her children, too aren't they? She's not the babysitter she's they're mother! Keep her if you must because of the children but, be aware of who you're married to and know this could and probably will happen again. Tell her to grow up she should at least act a few years older than your kids. I wish YOU all the best sweetie you sound like you deserve so much better than what you've got.

Answer 4

It needs to be noted that the entire situation has not been presented here. I am the wife of the person asking this question. There are many reasons why people do what they do. I appreciate all of the answers given but you are responding without knowing the entire story. I will not go into my personal business here. I will only say that we have decided to put God back into our relationship and will let Him determine how best to move forward. We have a long way to go and with God on our side, we will not fail.

Answer 5

You what to know did your wife had affair of course she did. I, might believe they didn't sleep together. He was married to. His wife must of been doing the same thing you were doing to your wife. I bet if this didn't come out in the open they wouldn't sleep together. But she said they didn't. If your going to continue your marriage its after you and her go though it and find out what you need to do different. You can't keep bring it up. When you feel you need to bring it up your going to have to take a time out.Or your never going to get though it. What your wife had was a emotional affair. And that is bad too. read ten stupid things couples do to mess up their relationships by Dr. Laura C. Schlessinger

Answer 6

You got married too young and she is looking for some excitement. They had sex, and you just don't want to believe it. Either way, she cheated. If she really makes you happy, it's worth saving if she is done with it, but it takes a long, long time to get over. You can always forgive, but never forget.

Answer 7

I would believe her, She sounds very honest in telling you what happened so why not tell you all of it.

I understand how your wife feels.
A woman needs her man to pay attention to her. Most women would be happier if their husbands gave them the attention and romance that they were given when they were dating the guy.
A man should NEVER stop seducing his wife.

Your marriage is worth saving ONLY if the two of you want to.
You will have to learn to give her eye contact. Careing phone calls during the day. Hold her like you adore her. Even if you just give her twenty mimuets of intense attention a day the two of you will be much happier. This sort of romantic nuturing often comes natural to women and not so often a talent in a man.

YOU need to want to be what she needs.
And SHE needs to feel that YOU NEED HER TOO!

I am divorced for similuar reasons.....among other things.

Answer 8

This kind of damage is nearly impossible for a relationship to recover from.

Whether or not she had sex with him is completely irrelevant. Your heart is broken and you're filled with shame. You have to ask yourself whether you're willing to endure this type of pain again. It's not to say she'll cheat on you again, but you can be damn sure you'll be wondering about the possibility almost indefinitely. Can you trust her? Can you trust the strength of your relationship?

Lot's of questions during this pain-full time. There are no easy answers.

Good luck to you.

Answer 9

One of the easiest ways to find out if your wife is cheating - without doing illegal computer spying or illegally breaking into her cell phone records - is to do a semen detection test. This is an easy to do test you can do at home, you get the answers instantly.

If your wife is supposed to be out with the girls one night but comes home with a semen stain in her underwear then clearly she is doing something with this guy.

You can see a free video on how to do the test here:
http://cheatingspousetraps.com/semen_test_video.php

Best of luck

Answer 10

She is lying.....always go with your gut feeling. I think you already know deep down that she slept with him. You just want to believe that she did not. How has was your sex life during the times she was supposedly just hitting 1st base with this guy??