My husband is a good man who works hard but he doesn't talk to me about anything important. I want to communicate future plans, finances, etc and he just acts like he has no idea. I ask him what he is thinking and he says nothing. Is it possible that he doesn't have any thoughts or is he afraid to talk to me? We have no common ground. HELP I want a great marriage.
2007-01-08 11:13:24 · 12 answers · asked by charlie's baby 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Have you considered the idea that maybe he really has no future plans, or thoughts about finances, etc. and he is embarassed to admit that he hasn't thought about it that much?
Maybe you could start the conversation by sharing what you have been thinking about your future, and give him a chance to respond to your ideas.
2007-01-08 11:21:58 · answer #1 · answered by Randy G 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He probably does not have any. If it's there you can put it into words, poetry, spell it on the wall, and dream it. Besides all the guys that had any feelings have long since been destroyed by cold cruel women. Just a couple left in hiding, and they would'nt admit to it. Why don't you try and exercise, and write down all the things you think are lovable about yourself, give him the paper and ask him to debate on it. Ask him to remember situations where you showed this quality, and don't get mad or pull the cold shoulder BS, you want to communicate then, let him be totally honest then take a look at what he says.
2016-05-23 15:25:50 · answer #2 · answered by Tanisha 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've come to the right person - read on.
I'd recommend that you NOT ask your husband about his feelings, I would also ask that you let go of caring about what he is feeling. It just doesn't matter.
You really don't want to know what he's feeling. Men have two emotions:
Angry
Not angry
We don't have any emotional dealing mechanisms like you ladies do, so we tend to be confused and frustrated by our emotions. AND, if you saw how we REALLY express our emotions, you would be terrified and you would leave. It's that bad.
I would also like to posit that perhaps he just doesn't know for sure. Men are ego driven and generally like to look like they know what they're talking about. Maybe he's just listening to you.
There is this misconception that some women have that if they could just get their men to open up, that would help. Well, my question to you is - do you want a husband or a girlfriend?
Now mind you, I'm not telling you not to talk to your man - that's important - communication and trust are the building blocks of a successful marriage. So here is what I would recommend to you in this situation.
Your husband needs to know what's important to you. You need to have some convo time - maybe over coffee or dinner, take him to his favorite restaurant - but you NEED to tell him that you are thinking about the future and that you need to know what he thinks - don't come at it from a "feeling" aspect, come from a "thinking" aspect - don't say "how do you feel? - say "What do you think?"
Let him know that you're not giving him the 3rd degree - you want to know what's important to him, so you can grow together. As the woman, you are the relationship manager, he is just along for the ride. You need to know who he is to work the relationship around him.
Much good luck!
FP
2007-01-08 11:26:10 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to approach him at the right time and moment. By this I mean that you should watch the opportunity to start the conversation. Maybe while he is bathing or dressing to go to work, might be a good moment to talk to him. If he works a lot as you say, the best time would be in the morning, once he has had a good rest (sleep) and is preparing to go to work. In the mornings, the brain is rested and easier to be on a receiving mode to hear your comments, doubts, ideas or questions. Remember that in order to have a good marriage and relationship, you need to COMMUNICATE. Communication is the key to a successful realtionship. Good luck.
2007-01-08 11:24:46 · answer #4 · answered by Big&Tall 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It could be alot of reasons. If your the nagging wife he never going to talk to you. or It could be simple he really don't know. And to ask a guy what there thinking is daugous. I ask my man that the other day. They don't like to answer that. But am not the type to ask him a lot of questions. Am telling you this out of experience. I been married 2 x"s and next yr I'll be on my 3rd. By now I no the do's and don't what guys like in don't like.Education. I read a lot of books about relationships. And Dr. Laura has great books on relationships like ten stupid things couples do to mess up their relationships. Please go buy that one today. and read the proper care and feeding of husbands and she has her talk radio show on 640am 12noon--3pm Mon-Fri Southern CA time you need to be smart about this topic. And please don't nag him men hate that. These books will help you and him. I know how you feel when a man won't talk back Trust me it's not just you, its him too. Don't blame it all on you.
2007-01-08 11:31:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Carry on a conversation with him when he is doing other things. When he is working on things that he does not have to think about. Not while I am figuring a problem with the computer but when I am skimming the leaves off the pool or any thing that does not require thinking. One part of a conversation leads to another. Try and talk while eating diner and not have a tv to get both your interest. But the key is while i'm occupied by some brain dead thing that i'm doing.
2007-01-08 11:26:45 · answer #6 · answered by ronnny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your approach to him can make a difference. Ask him what he thinks not what he feels. If you pursue him for answers he will avoid you. I don't know what the environment is in your home but if he does not feel safe to talk or his ideas are dismissed he will feel invalidated and clam up. Work at creating a safe environment in the home, by active listening, validating his thoughts even if you do not agree. Men tend to withdraw when they conflict with there spouse, give him space and he may return to you.
2007-01-08 12:23:18 · answer #7 · answered by mjohnson1422 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think when men tell you they don't know they really don't know or they don't know how to say it.
Everybody says to do this but believe me it can help tremendously....go to counseling by with him or by yourself.
A good therapist will help you learn how to communicate with your husband. How to ask questions and to find out what they're thinking and to help them to say it.
It's worth a try and can change an OK marriage to a wonderful marriage.
2007-01-08 11:18:27 · answer #8 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't "Make" him communicate with you. What you can do is find a non-threatening way and time to "Let" him communicate with you. Let him take the lead. You may be coming on too strong.
BTW, it is very threatening to a man to be told "it is time to communicate open and honestly now!"
2007-01-08 11:17:29 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
He probably doesnt speak because he feels like he will be persecuted for anything he expresses to you.
2007-01-08 11:16:17 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋