For some of you who may not know, Indians believe in arranged marriages. That is when the parents pick who their children will marry.
I am the daughter of an Indian family and have been told ever since I was young that I will not date and when the time comes, they will decide who I marry and when.He will be Indian.I have also realized that I feel I do not find Indian guys attractive.Many of them I have seen have not been very attractive.
Growing up in the United States, you realize that it is not possible to just not date.I had a male friend who is Chinese.Now we are going out and have been together for a while now.I realize I am falling in love with him and am worried about my parents reaction.
Have any of you been in this situation where your parents told you that you could only marry in your race?What would you all do in my situation?
People have told me to break it off to avoid all that drama with my family in the future.But true love is just so hard to find.What would you do?
2007-01-08 10:42:47 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
His parents are the same way as well. He is expected to marry a Chinese girl.
2007-01-08 10:45:02 · update #1
You did not specify whether you guys are going steady right now. If you are not, it's best not to test your parents. I'm sorry that you have a strict upbringing. I'm a chinese too, and I've been told by my parents to marry a man of the same race because it's 'better' that way. Well guess what? My husband is caucasian. At first, they didn't approve of me going steady with him. They discourage me in many ways possible, but I told them that it's too late and I will not budge. They cannot threaten me with anything because we're living in a modern society now. But my parents grew to support us when they met him, and now, he's my mum most favourite son in law :D. If your family is not aggressive and irrational, tell them how you feel about arranged marriages and people of your own race. Remember to choose the right words, because if you offend them, they will not reason with you. You have one shot of this, don't forget. The worst to happen if they are unreasonable, is that you will cut all ties with them and move out, especially if they become abusive. Be smart about it, and plan carefully.
2007-01-08 11:01:21 · answer #1 · answered by Hanna 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am the Mother of 5 grown children.This question has really touched my heart. I love the closeness of the family unit when it is possible. In this case I see a young couple in love and I have a very strong feeling that if I where in their position I would not give up the love that they have been blessed with. If the families choose to disown you because of beliefs and traditions then that is their choice. I love my children to much to break ties with them for any reason. You deserve to be together and share a life of love and if family wants to deny you that,THEN SO BE IT. I want to see you happy not hooked up with a stranger. My husband and I have been married 54 years and each year is sweeter then the year before.I will have you on my mind for a long time and I hope that it all works out better then you expect it to, but this is a sticky situation. Good Luck and Happy New Year~~~~~~ Jill
2007-01-08 19:24:03 · answer #2 · answered by Jill ❤'s U.S.A 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand your situation. Talk to your parents and tell them that they can not expect you do grow up in the US and then get married to someone of their choice. Arranged marriages are also rare now a days in Indian big cities! If you feel that you really love him then stand up for that! As you have to be waking up everyday with your hubby and not your parents. I am sure they will come around- at the very latest by the time you have kids.
Good luck
2007-01-08 18:54:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
oh sweetie. I have worked with many indian's in the hotel business. I worked for one who loved white guys. She though they were so sexy and she couldn't date one. We became good friends she was only 20, and we just would talk at night. Having to marry someone you don't know and don't love is a redicilous tradiction esp in your case. (Not to say that your family or tradiction is crazy) but it is to me. I am a white woman and I got to date anyone I wanted. Now I only wanted to date a white guys, but that was me. My best advice if you are able too go eloupe either both families will disown you but you will have EACH OTHER and thats what matters
2007-01-08 19:17:09 · answer #4 · answered by msoutherngirl 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
my friend was from ur country had the same problem, after high school she run away with her love and never turned back, but tries to keep in tack with family even though they hate her for what she has done they will always care and love her because she is their child.
2007-01-08 18:49:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why do you worry.. These days several such inter culture marriages take place. You try to convince them. It may take some time.. Or have guts to go ahead.. later they will accept.
2007-01-08 18:46:30 · answer #6 · answered by cupid 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think caving into your parents racism would be wrong, and it would make you a racist. Are you a racist? If not, then you need to tell your parents that you will decide who you marry, and if they have a problem with it, then that is just too damn bad.
2007-01-08 19:22:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just do what you want to do. Go with the chinese man and forget about your family's racial prejudices.
2007-01-09 03:32:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you plan on spending the rest of your life to please your parents? Or do you want to be happy. I say you should do what is right for you, it's your life.
2007-01-08 18:54:02 · answer #9 · answered by ? 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't give up true love for anyone
2007-01-08 18:48:51 · answer #10 · answered by 14 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋