His family doesn't want to accept me because I'm white?

Question

My fiance is black and I'm white. My children and family does not differentiate between colors. Everyone is judged on their own merits as a person. His family has a problem accepting me and my children or even acknowledging the fact that we are a couple because I'm white. Yet they have no problems accepting my help or aid when they need it. He says he doesn't care what his family or his children think, it's his choice but I'm concerned that the pressure they put on him will at some point destroy our relationship. I can't fathom the concept of disliking someone simply because of their color. What is the best way I can handle this situation or to resolve it? I love this man and I don't want something as stupid and petty as this ruin our relationship. How is it that people can think that if I was only the same color as they are think that that would make me a different person? I'd still be the same person inside.

Answer 1

My advise to you is this---make sure that you search your heart and all you find is love, patience, much understanding and much forgiveness. You will need love, patience, understanding and forgiveness in order to cope with your fiancee's family who have--- make no mistake about it---clearly forewarned you about their truest feelings regarding their beliefs about interracial marriages/dating.

They are convinced that because you are white---you are not good enough. While they do not accept you---they will still use you to meet their needs which should not give you any reason to believe that they are "coming around in their thinking." In fact, you should look at it this way---Well, even though I don't like her--
I need a ride and she has a car." This is how certain family members will justify calling you for a favor when they haven't spoken to you by phone or in person for nearly 2 months....

If you marry him know that you will inherit bitterness, anger and resentment. You will need to apply love, patience, understanding and forgiveness as a kind of band-aid to the wounds that you will enevitably suffer. And if you enter this biracial marriage believing that his family will intentionally make your life a living hell---well, then my dear---you have a great advantage over them because at some point---can't say when---they will realize that there is nothing they can do or say to make you leave the man you chose to love---your husband. Blessings to you in your marriage.

Answer 2

I'm actually dealing with this now as well... I am dating an Asian man and my family does not approve at all (neither does his family).. it's really hard meeting opposition on both sides but your family needs to understand that relationships are relationships and if they love you, they'll let you make your own decisions... tell them your feeling. Of all the people to feel uncomfortable around, it should not be your family. And you and your brother the only children? They might think that you are the one to "continue the African American side of your family." My brother is dating a Caucasian woman and they said they were looking for me to continue the family's legacy -_- .. you have to understand that they are from a different generation and do not always feel the way the same as our generation does. It could also be that you are the daughter in the family :-S.... hope this helps. Just tell them how you feel :)

Answer 3

I wish I had an answer for you, I don't. But I can give you some support and let you know you're not alone. My husband and I have been married 24 years and no matter how hard I've tried, I haven't been able to get his Mother to accept me. My husband is Chinese and I am caucasian, I too have never looked at a person for their skin color or culture and was very hurt when I found that my mother-in-law found me so objectionable simply based on this criteria. Over the years I tried very hard to change her mind about me , to no avail. My husband and I have stayed together for 24 years, he also said he did'nt care what his Mom thought, but there have been times that her predjudice has made very difficult for our family. All I can tell you is, that if you truly love each other, then follow your hearts and don't let what others say or feel prevent you from being together. Good luck and may God bless you all.

Answer 4

When two people come together as one unit, the in-laws become should become a non-issue to the couple. Your fiance's family sounds ignorant and backwards. If you love this man and he loves you enough to want you to be his wife you'd better jump at the opportunity! You know and I know, there are not a whole bunch of good men out there that are available, so when one comes along I know that you're not going to disqualify him because his family doesn't like you! Just continue to be yourself, and if you think his family doesn't care for you, stop coming to the rescue with your money or your time.

Answer 5

I hate to be the 1 2 tell you but it only gets worse. You and he are 2 different cultures and there will always be problems with his family. 1 day they might accept you. They may never accept you. In the long run you will wind up being here nor there not being accepted by either side. It's your life' you have to live it. If you want to live it that way.

Answer 6

I dont understand why black people do that. We constantly want to talk about how white people do us wrong but yet some black people have a problem with someone white datin in our race. Now if it was vice versa black people would start all kinds of $#!^. I just dont understand it. Honey i would just ignore them because they obviously dont have a life of they own so they got to be all up in y'allz.

Answer 7

i am white and my husband is black his family does not accept me neither or their granddaughter which is 2 and they seen only twice and live 30 min away my husband just cut them off...you are right it will eventually ruin the relationship if he don't do something about it...good luck

Answer 8

stop helping his family they don't like you. yes the pressure is going to get to him eventually and then the arguing and then the end of the relationship. trying to buy acceptance is not the answer.

Answer 9

one of the reasons races shouldn't mix. Deal with it. They don't have to like you.