Married for almost 3 years & not happy at all?

Question

Well april 10th will be three years my husband and I have been married. We have been together a total of almost four years. I wanted to marry him at the time and thought I loved him. At first I was content with being married to him. I knew he had alot of growing up to do as well as myself and knew it would take time and he would eventually mature slowly. But he has not changed at all! I stay at home with our 2 yr old son because daycare is so high in our area and I do what I am suppose to do at home; cooking, cleaning, etc. I do my part no problem. My husband and I only have car payment and car insurance, plus the basic utilities; phone, and electric bill. thats it. He doesnt take responsibility for the bills, doesn't pay them and then expects others to help him when hes blown the money. he has been doing this since after we got married. i dont want to even touch him let alone have sex and i don't love him at all because of all hes done. i've told him i dont love him but hes in denial.

Answer 1

Sorry about all that. Seems like the hubby isn't mature. So I believe you need to have a heart to heart conversation with him....and advise him that he has a family to take care of, and to be more mature with the money. If he won't listenl, then it'll be time for you to pack your son and leave. Your son deserves more than a dad who wants to be a kid. You and your son need to have food on the table, utilities paid on time every month, and some health insurance. If he's too childish to provide for his family, then he doesn't deserve a family. Think long and hard about your decisions....keeping you and your son in mind. Best of luck to you........

Answer 2

Ask if you can take over the budget and give him an allowance. See if you can work a few nights a week. It will make him think you are doing your share. Most men don't realize how much work a kid is.

Time spent with him and the little dude will be good for the both of them. Also your kid is at a tough age. It will get easier. In fact you are almost at the good part. I would do ages 3-5 for over and over for ever.

You might consider being intimate to get the project rolling. Once the budget is on track the stress will be gone and things will be great. The plan is simple screw'em, take the check book, straighten things out for the whole family. It's pretty much the job description for the American Mom. Good Luck! Be patient this will take a year to fix!
You may consider losing the phones for a bit. Particulary cells. See if you can up your auto deductale to reduce cost.

Answer 3

it really is difficult to assert if we do not comprehend what your difficulty is, besides having 3 childrens and by no ability being married. Is he a good father? Is he a not hassle-free operating guy who's a good service? Does he get consisting of your spouse and youngsters? And maximum significant, do you extremely love him? you assert you're satisfied, yet also that you wrestle...do you wrestle plenty? is this courting going to very last, wedding ceremony ring or no longer?? I also question your courting as you probably did not even pick childrens, and now seem the position you're. in case you extremely experience that you're particular you pick to spend some thing of your life with him, then i might want to extremely push him to set a date to be married, no more effective excuses. it type of feels unusual that he has continuously stated he needs to marry you, and now he received't. tell him that it truly is no longer about the hoop; it truly is about your dedication to at least one yet another. If he doesn't say sure or settle on a date, then you definitely could make the decision of both leaving him and chance being a unmarried mom, which will be extremely puzzling with 3 childrens, or waiting for him to marry you, or basically staying contained in the problem you're in now.

Answer 4

I kept looking for the question here, but never found it.

It's obvious that you don't have a marriage here- no happiness, no mutual support, no desire. Here's a bit of philosophy to consider...

A wedding is only of a celebration of a commitment that already exists; and the commitment is the essence of marriage.
If you don't bring commitment to the alter, you don't leave with it.

A divorce is not the end of a marriage.
It's the recognition that the marriage has ended sometime in the past, and an agreement to settle the differences.

Seems pretty easy to see where you are. It takes two to make it. If one of those two isn't committed, there is no "two". Looks like the legal shell is all you have, and that's not enough.

Answer 5

Because a child is involved ask him to go to a marriage
counselor with you to try and solve your differences; If
he refuses then you can still go and see a counselor to
get expert advise on what to do. Seperation might be in
place and during the seperation let him see his son so
you won't have any problems later in court if it comes to
that because you did not let him see his child. IF all fails
why keep being unhappy, it's time for you to think about
yourself and your child . Happiness is what makes up a
strong and healthy person and you need that for your
child's sake. If your husband does not want to change
and you are still un-happy then you need to take the next
step if you know what I mean. Good Luck.

Answer 6

It is unfortunate, for whatever reason, he just is neither responsible nor passionate about you and your family. It is easy for people to ask you to dump him, get a divorce and move on. Maybe that is the only right solution. But, it sometimes is just too hard to pick up the pieces and leave. Especially, when you have a little son.

Love, intimacy, passion, communication, connection, understanding, empathy, and some bit of sympathy ~ these all seem to fade or vanish away over time. It is our deliberate effort to pull them all together most often.

Whats most difficult in your situation is that you don't have that passion and love for him to even attempt to try and work things in your favor. I hope you find someone who does love and appreciate you for who you are. Someone that'll maybe be compassionate and sharing. You definitely deserve that. Good luck.

Answer 7

Sounds like you are raising two kids! First, think long and hard before you divorce/leave your husband.Tell him what you expect and stick to it.If he fails to follow through leave,you must think about the well being of yourself and your son.If your husband really loves his family and wants to stay together;he will "straighten up;if not good riddance and make a happy life for yourself.".Also remember that you must have loved him at some point or you would not have marrried him.If he is willing to try give him a chance and if not ''start anew without him.

Answer 8

I think you should both go for marital counseling--It sounds like--yes--your husband can be more responsible with money, etc..but you sound frustrated in general--with him and with your life--You might be getting overwhelmed with just staying at home with your young son--It is fulfilling but can also be exhausting--You are majorly burning out--Take some time for yourself--it will be so worth it--

So--First--try to go to marital counseling--even though it costs money--it will be worth it--and then make time for yourself--take a couple of hours a week for you--and find time for alone time every day--This will help you make the right decisions regarding you and your husband...

Good Luck

Answer 9

Dont stay where youre not happy. Get a job and daycare ( if youre that bad off financially the govt will help). Get on with your life. Marriage is about compromise, trust, and love. Doesn't sound like much of any is going on here.

Answer 10

This is a communication breakdown in terms of expectations. Did you both understand and discuss the expectations prior to getting married? Now that you are married, do you talk about how these situations put stress on the marriage? You mentioned that you do what you are supposed to do, how did you determine these expectations of you? Marriage counseling and debt counseling are probably needed to save this marriage.