My husband yells at me. He either loves me or hates me. he s a wonderful person but I get the feeling he no longer likes me. Like a family memeber you are obligated to love. We have been together for eleven years. 2006 is the first year I ever thought he might not like me. He works full time and goes to school. I stay at home with the kids. Our house is not the neatest play but we have four kids one of which is only eight months old. I try to keep things neat but not good enogh for him. He tells me this is our only problem but I think he must really resent me or something. He is very loving and then it just turns off. I need some sugestions. How do I stop him from being so angry.
2007-01-08 09:51:42 · 17 answers · asked by Penny 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My husband yells at me, too:(
2007-01-08 10:15:35 · answer #1 · answered by carobygirl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can not control his behavior, only your own. No way to stop him from being angry, he needs to stop himself from being angry!
You have an 8 month old and 3 other kids. Your job is 24/7 and is just as hard as his... and of course the house isn't neat.. an 8 month old takes up all your waking hours, much less three others! Girl, he should be glad you get a shower every day, lol!
I think he is stressed, but that is not an excuse for acting the way he does. The fact that you try and it is not good enough for him?" sounds like someone is a bit too controlling and may have some issues.If this escalates into verbal abuse, get yourself out of there. You are a fine and worthy person, and he should not make you feel any less.
Here is a link about abusive relationships, please read and decide for yourself .
http://www.lifescript.com/channels/well_being/meditations_motivations/abusive_relationships.asp?gclid=CN-Kw9770YkCFRUhNAodYWS5wA&ef_id=1350:3:6565d6bbf43889c1a8bdd4bca07588c7_556107305:u9VNPENIYXsAAEXZxBIAAAAD:20070108232440
It sounds like you all need to go to talk to a third, neutral person to work this out. I am sure money is tight, but it would be worse if you all should separate. So look at this as an investment in your future.
Blessings- dd
2007-01-08 10:26:53 · answer #2 · answered by dedum 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he is overwhelmed, If you have 4 kids and you are a stay home mom. It is very hard for him to admit that he is trying to handle everything from the mortgage to a new outfit for the kids. I don't think the angry part is directed at you but you are his support relief value since he can't take it out anywhere else. I can understand that feeling of pressure without any relief. Maybe to help him relax don't ask or talk about everything the first thing even though you want to tell him. He needs to decompress a bit from his day. Added pressure of school he sounds like he is trying to up his career and maintain his family. Sometimes it seems that his efforts like plugging his fingers in a dam that is about to blow at anytime. Understanding the problem is part of the solution. He might feel like no one understands what he is doing and working then trying to take classes is a lot... been there and done that...
2007-01-08 10:11:03 · answer #3 · answered by chancesare45 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
YOU CAN'T... AND STOP THINKING YOU CAN.
I was in a relationship EXACTLY like that for 5 years.. it was so hot and cold.. It was either really good or horrible... and everything seemed to stem from my actions.. I made him upset so these were the consequenes...I truly loved him but after our child turned 3, I realized I could never marry him because things would never change.
Since I have finally removed myself from this hell.. I have learned in time that these are verbal abuse tactics. Maybe he is unhappy with his situation and thinks he wants more freedom or a more exciting life, whatever it is it is not your fault so you shouldn't be punished. People do these things to us when they are not happy with themselves on the inside. They take it out on other people. There is nothing you can do about his actions. You seem like a sweet person, You can try and talk to him about your feelings, if he denys you any conversation or does not address the situation to your satisfcation, you should try counseling, maybe with your pastor or a therapist, (My guy wouldn't do it). If that still does not work. You might have to consider separating until he can respect you and treat you as you deserve. I am not saying leave your husband... But you have 4 children and they learn from example. Your children can not learn that it is ok for people to treat them that way. I am sure if you have daughters you would not want any man to treat them this way. You are a good person who deserves to be loved. You just have to have confidence in yourself to know that you are worth more than what he is giving. ALWAYS KNOW YOUR WORTH!!!
2007-01-08 10:06:34 · answer #4 · answered by LOLA 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
1) It took time to make the problem, its going to take time to overcome it.
2) Its not one thing, its usually a horde of small things.
3) School and full time work is VERY VERY hard. He is under a phenomenal amount of stress anyway, so thats part of the problem. If you can work on working through till graduation, things get better from there on.
4) Three superb books I recommend that teach how to do very wise communication, conflict resolution, and how to work with vision in the relationship so that problems are pre-emptively solved are:
- His Needs Her needs
- A lasting promise
- the five love languages.
They are the current best I know of. They are very very helpful.
2007-01-08 09:57:02 · answer #5 · answered by Curly 6 · 7⤊ 0⤋
Somehow I dont think the tidiness of your home is the only issue... It sounds like he resents the fact that you stay home all day and he is the one working and going to school as well... He is probably tired and fed up and just wants to see that you can cope with you side of the responsibilities and when he comes home and the house is not neat it makes him feel like he is the only one working hard.
2007-01-08 09:59:03 · answer #6 · answered by kyleemckenzie 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If the housework really is the only issue, visit www.flylady.com. Great site for helping you keep your house clean. I've also been with my husband for 11 years and I think sometimes after this long we forget how much we love each other.
2007-01-08 10:03:30 · answer #7 · answered by kmlloveplant 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to him about this. Let him know how he is making you feel. Sure he's got alot on his plate, but with 4 kids so do you. Give him a chance to see your side of it..if that doesnt work maybe suggest counseling
2007-01-08 09:59:04 · answer #8 · answered by giggles 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
An unfaithful drunkard husband
2016-11-12 16:11:11 · answer #9 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Extremely Egotistic Friend. Good or Bad Friend?
2016-11-21 15:28:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to regain your independence again and leave him. if he doesn't appreciate you but decides to yell at you...that could potentially turn into abuse. take care of yourself and you can start by getting a job. who knows what else he is going to yell at you for.
2007-01-08 10:16:58 · answer #11 · answered by cfalways 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋