Asian sociological questions. NO STEREOTYPES?

Question

My family lets exchange students live at our house. Currently we've had some from Japan and Korea. They've all been boys.
Whenever they come they seem to either treat my mom and I as a maid and seem to be afraid of my dad, but thye get along great with my brother. Currently, we have 2 Korean students living at out house. Fortunately they don't treat me like a maid. But if my dad is present they seem to be afraid of him. Like at the dinner table, if my dad is there they are on their best behavior and eat very lightly. But if my dad isn't there they pig out.
I'm Chinese but I was raised in the US with complete US manners and ideologies. My parents were raised in China but in places where they had already adapted to Western Ideologies.
Can someone explain their behavior to me? I want real sociological facts. No Stereotypes.

The compnay has only given us male students. We've asked them several times to please give us female students.

Answer 1

I believe that answer lies in Japanese societal history.

In Feudal Japan, everything was based on caste. The nation itself, the Daimiyo of the great houses.... all the way down to the family structure. Women were very important, but their place was always ranked lower and thus subservient to men of equal status. The idea was your place was not important as much as archiving honor by being the best at whatever your position was. Honor was important and status had nothing to do with honor. Your could have an extremely dishonorable samurai be ordered to commit seppuku and a lowly farmer could be the most respected man in the area - even though they were ranked below the samurai.

That said, in a house, the Father was in charge. The Mother was the maid and the cook. The eldest brother was the heir and the other boys were just SOL and pretty much had to make it on their own. Daughters were married off as soon as possible because being married and having children was her road to honor, which again was the most important thing.

When the eldest got married, the new bride came in to the house and took over the maid and cooking duties. The new rank order was Father, Eldest Son, Mother. Now the mother was able to not be a servant all the time - the job was taken over and she ruled over her daughter in law in the same way she had been ruled over. For her to be too kind to her new daughter in law would be a dishonor for both of them. This is why both men and women wanted boys so badly. Men wanted them to pass on the family name and property. Women wanted them so they would marry and the new wife could take over her duties - another way for everyone involved to archive honor in this life.

Why was honor so important? It was stockpiled for the same reason we stockpile money. We hope to be able to live a good life and pass as much as we can to our children through inheritance. Grandparents setting up college funds for their kids is a good example of this in America. For us, this intangible is measured in money. For the Japanese its measured in honor and served the same purpose. Your name is something you inherit and it was important. If you had a grandfather that was a great general that had won many battles, you inherit that honor he earned and are respected as if you had done those deeds yourself. Well, not exactly, your honor and that of your family could be squandered in all sorts of ways - and everyone in your family would wind up paying for it.

Not to say it was real egalitarian, but then again, it was workable. Just like in America, before women's suffrage, the role of women was different that it is today. Things have changed, but at the time it was a workable system. Today we all have the same rights (legally and ideally anyway), but back then there were more rights for me, but more privileges for women (couldn't vote, but got on the lifeboats first on the titanic for example. Still a balance, just a different balance is all.

Japan today is still very steeped in tradition. Its got places like sony corp where the employees treat their company like their samurai house. Their CEO is their daimiyo and they will go to the end of the earth to obey him (most certainly a him) The CEO will also go to the ends of the earth to protect his people - nobody gets fired or moves jobs in Japan for this reason - an extreme but give and take relationship.

The family structure is no different - its still steeped in tradition. Its clear that this tradition is very different that what you are accustomed too and I don't blame you. On the other hand, they are acting as they were raised just like you are and to those Japanese boys, it would be HIGHLY disrespectful to your father AND your mother, and to their own families back home to act any different. The motive is ultimately the same, but the methods are obviously quite different.

Then again, that's what the exchange program is all about right? Learning about a different culture?

Answer 2

Many cultures in the Middle East and Asia tend to be patriarchal. In fact, male children tend to be more highly valued than daughters out there. Also, there are more sexual taboos in those cultures regarding virginity and, about social interaction between men and women who are not blood relatives. Perhaps, this is why those boys at your house, are being a bit 'stand-offish' with you. It may also be why they expect women to do all their housework. However, there are many progressive Koreans out there, but perhaps, you haven't had a chance to meet any so far. In the link below, Korean society is described as a patriarchal democracy.

Answer 3

So you just have male students from the orient? That's racist and sexist. For shame.

Also, Those from the east tend to have poor manners and place too much importance on the men. They should consider women equal.