Filing for divorce after loosing my baby???

Question

I am 33 yrs old and my husband is 39.This is my third marriage (but i married same man twice) and i have two children twins daughter and son that are 9 yrs old from my last marriage.My husband has 3 children from his previous marriage ages 15 , 10 , and 7.I was pregnant just about 6 months along and i just lost the baby.I was stressed out through the entire pregnancy because of his kids and mine fighting every weekend.Husband was no help in the matter in controling his kids!They broke things and fought with my kids no-stop.His ex.wife was a nightmare she harrassed me and called me racial slurs for being white.I am so fed up with my husband just ignoring everthing!I filed for divorce this morning Why does he not get it or understand why?

the eldest step daughter who is 15 made my daughter cry when she told her i was a whore and her brothers would rape her when they got older.

He thinks i should move out of our 5 bedroom three bath home when i paid half the down payment for the house!

Ontheotherhand-not commited because i was married three times eh?I married same guy twice trying to make it work and had to put up with a lot more than what is mentioned in this last marriage everyone has their breaking point!

Answer 1

People in relationships only see what they want to see and only take responsibility for what they want to. You have made the first step to move forward, it is going to hurt a lot. Especially after losing a pregnancy, but you will survive. Good luck, and I hope you can learn to love yourself again.

Answer 2

Boy the sounds like a nightmare. It is a shame that these things didn't get resolved before you got married. I am not sure that you can blame stress for losing the baby. Women have babies all over the world under dire circumstances.

If your husband was a good man he would of kept his X from any connection with you. And if she was verbally abusing you, he should of put his foot down.

You both should of had the same expectations in this marriage, you should of agreed on how to handle the children. It sounds like he is accustom to chaos in his life.

The fact that he can't control his kids and expect them to be civil in your household is very sad.

I would recommend family counseling before you get divorced. Your husband might need a third party help him understand that as his wife YOU are number 1 in htis life and his
X and his children are to respect you and your children.

To keep the peace your husband might not be able to have his children visit your home. There needs to be boundries for behavior of all the children. Even your children.

This is so very sad that you can be in a new relationship that would be loving and peaceful, kind and fulfilling

Answer 3

Because he probably doesn't care enough to understand it. I don't know if you two love each other, it doesn't sound like you do, but if there is love, you would have been able to deal with all this and figure out a way to make sure that you weren't stressed out all the time. I don't really see that he cared enough about the unborn baby, I think that you are doing the right thing for leaving him, maybe you should live for your two kids and don't worry about being married a little while, help yourself heal first and then when you are strong enough, you will meet the man that will make you happy the way you deserve!

Tell him and his kids to get out, and make sure that your daughter lets the police know about what his kids told her! I can't believe he is such an as* to you!

Answer 4

Sorry to hear about your lost. If you already file for a divorce, then why do you want him to understand anything? Have you all sought counseling for these issues? Have you asked him why doesn't he talk to his kids about respecting others. I am only reading one side of the story here so I am not going to say your husband & his kids are to blame in all of this. If you want to save the mariage, I suggest that you all have a family meeting (your kids, his kids and the both of you). Discuss (not argue) about the issues going on. Ask them what is it they hate about each other without fighting. You and your husband should explain to them that they are to respect each other and learn to get along. Try to follow up on this issue at least once a month or when needed. Sometime when families are combined through marriage, children may feel jealous or left out. If the family meeting works, try doing things together as a family (movie night at the house etc.). As for the ex wife, don't let her win. She is only calling you racial slurs because she's angry and probably jealous that her ex husband has moved on. So in this case....she doesn't matter. She just needs to find her a man. I know it will be hard, but tune her out and try to be strong. I feel it is up to your husband to get her (ex-wife) straight. If all fails and your husband continues to ignore what is going on, then I guess you will have to proceed with the divorce. In reference to the house, if your name is on the house loan and deed, this man can't throw you out. Seek legal advise concerning that issues.

Answer 5

It sounds like you are under a lot of stress and probably need a break. And besides no one says that you have to have kids with a man you are married to. It sounds like you two have enough kids. And do you really want to have kids with this man come on he can't control the three he already has and he will not be any better with any that you two have together. Talk to him about how you are feeling and if the talk does not work then go on with your plans to divorce. Life is too short to be totally miserable. Good luck.

Answer 6

First, I am sorry about your loss. How difficult that must have been. You did the right thing by leaving . I think it is best for you to take your own children, start a new happy life without stress. I got divorced 3 years ago for almost the same reason. My ex husband's children were terrible to me. They hated me. I could have been Mother Teresa and they would have hated me. It was such a shame. No matter how hard I tried to make my ex husband understand, I couldn't. Leave, live your life and be happy.

Answer 7

Get it? Understand? Why should it matter? You've already filed for divorce. So, why ask the question NOW? You obviously aren't and weren't committed to marriage. That is suggested by the fact that you've married 3 times already. It's probably best that you divorce. A Step mother that dislikes the spouse's kids, isn't likely to have a successful marriage. I suggest that you quit having kids, and concentrate in raising the children you already have.

Answer 8

Question? Why does it matter that he understands what's going on if you have already filed for divorce? You have already filed for divorce so whether he understands anything or not shouldn't matter.You have decided to move on with your children and he needs to move on with his children. The ex-wife was jealous and probably angry because he left and married you. The only time you should be concerned about an ex-wife is when she has threatening your life and the lives of your children other than that, she is wasting her time and energy on calling you racial slurs and just talking yack. Never, never mind her or any ex-wife. I wish you well in the future and I am sorry for your lost.

Answer 9

I am so sorry for the lost of your child. Did you and your husband try discussing these issues? If so, did you all seek professional help? If no, I say give it a try first. He he refuses to work on the relationship, then you are doing the right thing by divorcing him. You should be stressed out about his children and his children mother. He should have taken care of all of his children out of control behavior. As for you moving out of the house, maybe you should seek legal assistance concerning that issue because you did contribute monies to the home.

Answer 10

mixing families is one of the hardest thing to deal with. I'm so sorry for your loss of the baby. I myself am 6 months along and I just don't know how you are dealing anyhow. But to mix that many kids and not have help from your husband in trying to make it all work and an ex that is from hell, it's just not gonna work. You have to do what you have to do to protect you and yours! Your kids are yours to protect and if leaving is what it takes, then go for it sister! I wish you luck and someday you will get back on your feet and find that man of your dreams! There is one out there for you!!!!