Having a baby and not sure if boyfriend cares....?

Question

Ok I am 6 months pregnant and I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years. Well when I found out I was pregnant things started to change. Then 3 months into the pregnancy he decides to tell me that he is not IN love with me anymore but he loves me. He tells me that he will be here for the baby and me for what ever we need. I have been the one that has called him the last 3 times and the last time I talked to him I was emotional and was crying (I know wrong) but all I wanted him to do was write his daughter a little letter for a book I got her. And he said he would and then said I'm shopping I'll call you later. I told him dont bother, I'm fine. Well here we are over 3 weeks later and I havent heard from him. Oh he texted me X-mas at 11pm I'll call you tomorr. He has done this before but I called him after 2 weeks and asked for my stuff back and he started crying and said he was sorry for not calling me and he would never do it again. Does he even care for his daughter?

K an addition to what I had before. I am 31 yrs old and he is 26 yrs old. Everything was awesome for us. He stayed in the state for me. He told all of his family that he found the love of his life here and he was staying. No we never wanted to get married but did talk about kids if it happened we would be fine. So thats why I dont understand where he gets this crap that all of a sudden he is not IN love with me anymore once I get pregnant.

Oh yeah and I am not expecting to be with him I'm fine with us not together. I just want him there for our daughter.

Answer 1

It sounds like he does not know what to do. He was living life, having fun, wasn't thinking about "having a family" or "settling down," and now, it's happening to him, and he's suddenly got that sinking feeling because he's going to be a daddy. Now he's got a decision to make. He either is going to walk away, maybe send birthday cards..Or he is going to own up for what he did--fathered the child you two are going to be parents of--and stay with you, both of you living together in the same home, and he will consider marrying you, the mother of his child, and the woman he loved enough to take care of.
Whether you or he "feels" in love has to be irrelevant at this moment: feeling "In Love" and actually doing what it takes to *Love* someone are two separate things.
Now, he tells you that even though he isn't feeling the emotional "in love" feelings, that he does love you. Loving you in this case will mean taking care of you, as a woman and as the mother of the child you two will have.
What you need to do now is tell him how this is ripping up your heart: you need to tell him you need him. Want him, love him, yes, but also that you *need* him. It may make him feel bigger, yes, but it will also remind him that *he*--no one else--is the man who made you pregnant. You need to ask him to decide whether he is going to either make a life WITH you and the child you two have created, or let you go forever. He is going to have to decide someday, and now he is going to have to be mature and make these decisions now that he is a father.

I send you the biggest hug, and urge you to try hard! This man loves you; and while he may be scared of one of the biggest changes of his life so far (becoming a dad), if he is the right man you are meant to be with, he will rise to the occasion and become your best friend, taking responsibility for his family--you, his woman, and the child you are having together.
If he is unable or unwilling to rise to the occasion, he either wasn't able to be mature enough or he really didn't love you enough to put you and the baby first, and therefore was not the right man.
In any case, make every effort together to stay together, if only for the child, and you will be rewarded in the end. =)

Best of hope for you three.!

Answer 2

Take it from someone who's been there, he's not going to be a good father right now. It sounds like he's the type who isn't willing to sacrifice his freedom to be a family man, otherwise, he would have married you the SECOND he found out that you were pregnant with his kid.

Tell him that he can either party, or he can be a dad, but that he can't have both. Nail him for child support. It's awful funny how "he loves you, but isn't IN love with you" now that you're pregnant. I call BS on it.

I think that he's got a kid's mentality, and that he wants to play. Did he say who he was shopping WITH?

I would leave his butt in the dirt. You don't need someone like that. Quit taking his calls, and if you can, change your number. Tell him that you would rather just not talk to him, considering that you need the baby's father to be a stable, constant part of your daughter's life.

That should get the point across.

Answer 3

Of course men get scared, but that is a lame exuse. Aren't you scared to? You have to start focusing on you and your child. It's a good idea to start planning for you guys' future without him. Don't make exuses for him now because you will still be making exuses two more years down the road. I know from experience its hard to raise a child on your own but it is not only possible but can be quite rewarding. He should be worried about you and your stress not causing you more stress. Poor baby he isn't in love anymore. He needs to grow up and learn what real love is all about. you and your child deserve better. I'm sorry that you have to go through this. You seem very concerned about your child and there's no doubt that you will make a wonderful mom. You have to find the strength inside to do this on your own until he comes around, IF he comes around. Just remember you won't be pregnant forever and after the baby is born and your life starts to fall in place you will be able to find a guy who truly cares about you and your daughter. There are men out there who will treat you and your little girl with the respect and concern you guys deserve, I know that for a fact. I'm praying for you and best wishes.

Answer 4

Men suck! Thats the truth of the matter. My babys dad and I weren't really dating but sorta. After I told him he was gonna be a daddy he acted like I was lying about being pregnant. Then he started being mean to me saying he didn't know if it was his. I sucked it up until the 20th week and made him go with me to the sono. After we went back to my house and he was all happy and he texted me after he left and said that was the happiest day of his life. Then I was faced with moving to Oklahoma (I live in TX) and he begged me to stay. He said he'd do whatever he could for me and the baby to be able to stay. So I begged my mother not to move becuz I didn't wanna be without her. My whole family stayed. As soon as we got the new place and everything he stopped calling completely. I tried to call him and his phone was shut off. I sent him messages on myspace and still no reply for like a month and a half! I was so pissed I was like why did I even stay? My brother was heart broken. Becuz he was the reason we were moving there. He's been living in Oklhoma without family for like almost 7 years. Then finally I had to threaten the babys dad to man up. He called me that night. He was doing good and everything coming every so often to see how I was doing and calling to check on the baby. Since then he's been shady again. He says he cares and he loves that we are having a baby but I don't believe him. All he's done is give me 60 bucks for the baby. Basicly men are cowards. I'm going to file for child support the day I get out of the hospital. I sudgest you do the same. Maybe it will workout maybe it won't. I'm hoping when my BD sees my daughter he'll warm up to it all. If he doesn't I'll get my support. He tells me he doesn't want me dating other guys well if he's not gonna be a good daddy I'll find someone who will. You can message me on the messenger at im_32_flavors_and_then_some if you need to talk. Cuz I'm going through basicly the same thing.

Answer 5

Hi, well you didnt say how old you both were, but still assuming its his first child, im guessing he is pretty scared! I know you are probably scared to, but women seem to know how to handle things better than men. Give him time maybe. When hes child is born you may find it will bring you both closer together seeing your child born can bring all kinds of emotion you never knew you had. I would personally explain to him how your feeling, that he is not surporting you in the way you need and your sick of it. Explain you want your baby to have a father but if he continues acting the way he is, you'd be better off without him, leave the ball in his court, if he does not contact you still, i would say you know where you stand then, and start building your little around your new little baby, that will mean more to you than any man ever could. I hope all goes well, and you have a beautiful healthy baby xxx

Answer 6

first off how old are you ? Guys are pigs and tons are not grown up enough to handle a child at any age. I would just back off and tell him you can see the child when he wants and on the days that the court lets him. I would make sure that he is financially responsible for the child whether or not he is in the pic. You will need the help trust me. I would just tell you to try to be as peaceful with him as possible for the child ( that is why you make sure you are double protected if you do have sex with someone who is not committed to you as in married to you ) I was the same way but thank god he stuck around and we got married.

Good Luck and remember it is his duty to help financially for the baby after all you BOTH got yourselves into this. SO do not feel bad to get child support started for the baby when she is born. ( you can go through the Attorney general office for free)

Need any thing else just ask.

Ps. I am so against just getting married for the child so he can be a good dad in a relationship with or with out you. DO not think he is bad just because he and you are not tog.

Answer 7

Well men do get kind of crazy when they are about to become a dad for the first time. Im not saying that what he is doing is right, cuz its not. Its immature but after this baby is born, helping take care of her may help him mature a bit. At least, with my boyfriend it did. We got prenant after only dating 3 months but here we are 2 years and another baby later and he is the most wonderful husband and father i could wish for. Give it time but dont be a doormat. Best of luck and Congratulations on your baby!

Answer 8

This is a father of a grown daughter who went through the same situation. I'll be very frank with you. Your 26 yr old boyfriend is not a man.......he's a kid. He may NOT be in love with you.......there's nothing you can do about it. You have 2 more people to worry about ahead of him. That would be your child and You. Take care of your own life and your baby's life. You can't force boyfriend to be in YOUR life OR your baby's. That's up to him. If he chooses not to............it's HIS loss. One thing for sure that you can do to help yourself AND your child, is to make sure you have all your financial affairs ( child support orders) taken care of. Don't play innocent and expect him to VOLUNTEER payments, or TRUST him to pay on his own......GET THE COURT ORDER!!!!!! Then he can volunteer the payments according to that! Don't use your child as a tool........visitation and child support are separate issues. I wish you the best of luck, and don't forget..........Nothing comes before your children..........least of all, a boyfriend!!!

Answer 9

Well really i would say that he is confused and that he might not know what he wants. I have a friend that is going through the same thing too. I would just remain calm and keep the crying over him inside. Dont act like you need him it will boost his ego. You want him to want and need you and his daughter. If he is a man he will step up and act like a daddy. Good Luck Hun!

Answer 10

I feel really sorry for you, he's probably scared of all the responsibility he has right now. But then again, you should've thought about that before you had sex with him in the first place, because now you're pregnant, not married, and possibly without a boyfriend/husband. So overall, he wasn't married to you, but he should still care for you, it's both of your fault.