I would like to hear some advice. It seems both of us are very selfish. How do we get past our issues??? Right now it seems like we are always fighting, and neither one of us like to budge. Help please. We are newly weds. How do we make this last???
2007-01-08 09:31:27 · 15 answers · asked by Pink 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Being selfish in a relationship never works. It's a balance of give and take. Sometimes you win sometimes you lose. It's all about great communication, and compromise. If you can't give your everything in a relationship...then it will probably go no where.
Be friends first...be best friends...keep no secrets from each other!
best wishes
2007-01-08 09:35:50 · answer #1 · answered by itsjustme 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Like Irish says, compromise is always needed. Although, it's not always the woman who has to back down, that's why it's called compromise. Give and take. You both need to understand that you are different people. You will never be "one" physically, you need to understand that different people feel different about different things! That's why you have to communicate as much as you can with each other. It's about being open and accepting of each other. You're not perfect, he's not perfect and that's OK. You have to always work on a marriage in order for it to work. If either one of you pulls away for a minute, that's OK as long as the minute doesn't last weeks and weeks. We all need our our space and time. You will never get past your issues, you will have to work with them in order to make it work. It's very hard, marriage is a tough union. In the same breathe, it can be worth it, if you're both willing to work though the tough issues. Good luck, keep your head up and in the game. Do not give up. That's the easy way out.
2007-01-08 17:43:52 · answer #2 · answered by daddyferrari 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
marriage is a commitment...it is not a food that if you don't like the taste you throw in the bin.it is a give and take relationship.each of you has to take the responsibility and the role of a husband and wife.good communication is another factor to build up a good and strong relationship.respect each other's ideas or point of view.be transparent to each other.and above all love (agape kind of love).if you love someone you have to do all your best to make him/her happy.
i know you are still in the period of adjustment.it's normal to have argument or some petty quarrel.be a good listener to each other. another thing is understanding...now that you are living together,
the more you will get to know each other
i'm sure and believe that your marriage will last...remember there is no perfect marriage but there is a successful marriage.i just hope that your love for each other will never,never fade.keep the flame burning in your heart...Best wishes to both of you!God bless!
2007-01-08 17:53:38 · answer #3 · answered by MACRENE PADASDAO 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The Four Aspects of True Love
Adapted from True Love, by Thich Nhat Hanh (Shambhala, 1997).
Simple Solution
Love is one of the most confusing of feelings. What some people call “love” may be possessiveness, or simple desire, or some other lesser emotion.
According to Buddhism, there are four elements of true love. Read what this wise teacher has to say, and find out if what you feel is true love, here:
Here are the four aspects of true love.
1. Loving-kindness. Loving-kindness is not only the desire to make someone happy, to bring joy to a beloved person, it is the ability to bring joy and happiness to the person you love, because even if your intention is to love this person, your love might make him or her suffer. To be able to give happiness and joy, you must practice deep looking toward the person you love. Because if you do not understand this person, you cannot love properly.
2. Compassion. This is not only the desire to ease the pain of another person, but the ability to do so. You must practice deep looking in order to gain a good understanding of the nature of the suffering of this person, in order to be able to help him or her to change.
3. Joy If there is no joy in love, it is not true love. If you are suffering all the time, if you cry all the time, and if you make the person you love cry, this is not really love--it is even the opposite. If there is no joy in your love, you can be sure that it is not true love.
4. Freedom. In true love, you attain freedom. When you love, you bring freedom to the person you love. If the opposite is true, it is not true love. You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free, not only outside but also inside. “Dear one, do you have enough space in your heart and all around you?” This is an intelligent question for testing whether your love is something real.
2007-01-08 17:51:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Both of you have to realize that it's not all about your own needs anymore, but when you got married you became ONE. Work as a team, love as a team and when things get hard. Figure it out as a team. And there is something to be said about choosing your battles carefully. As well never go to bed mad at each other. And last but not least, you have to want it to be happy. Those who do, often succeed in finding that kind of love, those who could care less, often find out it doesn't last.
2007-01-08 17:41:11 · answer #5 · answered by WhyNotMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Communication; sharing; understanding; support; be
there in the ups and downs; responsibility; love; and
a total committment to make all of the above work.How-
ever it takes two people to have the same committments
to make the marriage work and last.
2007-01-09 00:00:51 · answer #6 · answered by RudiA 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Visit a site called Marriage Today,Jimmy and Karen Evans are the people.It is religious, marriage is 3 entities husband,wife and God. If you both agree to try it you will be truly blessed with a happy marriage.
2007-01-08 18:51:29 · answer #7 · answered by Curious 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first bit of good news is that your reaching out-it shows that you really want it to work.
Check out the couples weekend getaways where you and your mate are guided thru working out your indifferences and realizing your strengths together.
It's a great way to help build a lasting bond.
There are various ways to find out how to sign up for one of these opportunities.
Be sure to check to see that others have found the one that your considering to be worthwhile,
Usually they have referrals available.
2007-01-08 17:40:22 · answer #8 · answered by Sailon 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe open communication is the most important thing in order for a marriage to survive. Also keep your in-laws out of your marriage. Never go to bed angry. Resolve the situation before you go to sleep. Agree to disagree and leave it at that.
I hope this helps
2007-01-08 17:38:49 · answer #9 · answered by cmpgarcia2 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
after 34 years of marriage, heres my advice. Put on your sexiest nightgown, fix your hair, light candles in the bedroom, prepare dinner and after dinner ring his bell, in ways he has to wonder where'd she learn that. If you make it good enough it will reassure him he married a great girl
2007-01-08 18:28:05 · answer #10 · answered by Frank H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋