My husband's friend and family hate me. I don't know what to do.?

Question

His friend told his mother horrible things about me, none of which are true, but still keeps seeing him. He's with him right now.

His sister treats me like garbage, and so I asked him to ask her why, and she said for all the things she did. I have no clue what I did, so he asked her. She says it is because soon as we got married, we moved 30 miles away. She lives 150 miles away from her mom, so does his other sister. Why is it so bad that we moved 30 miles away? He's 45 years old for god sake! Doesn't he deserve a life? He has had to live with his mother his entire life...doesn't he deserve happiness?

She is jealous. I am hurt.

His mother barely tolerates me. His sister says things like, "mom needs someone to take care of her now that you're not there".

She's healthy, other than she's old...why are they so hard on me? I don't even like it when they call anymore. All they do is talk about me in negative ways.

Would you leave him?...Shouldn't he stand up for me?

My husband and I are really close. We love each other and are extremely bonded, but this is a major issue. I am to the point that when they call, it puts me in a horrible mood. They do not call the house phone, even though I am always nice to them. They only call his cell. It's as if they want to avoid speaking to me in any way, shape or form. I feel SO BAD. I can't handle it much longer.

We have been together 3 years, just got married in May, 2006. I feel as if it's going to fail and it's all because of this family and friend issue.

He has many friends, none with any problems toward me at all, but his longest, best friend, is a real backstabber.

My husband is disabled. He's had a stroke. I love him anyway and married him anyway. I still love him, but I can tell he's torn about what to do. Really torn, but not man enough to stand up to them all.

I can't handle it anymore. It is making me cry all the time and causing major depression issues.

HELP.

I agree with the one man who says maybe my husband is putting me down. He is. I've heard him blame me for things he agreed to do...a new dog, moving to this city, things he also accepted and agreed to are blamed on me, and all it does is give them more ammo against me.

I do think possibly they don't think I'm good enough, but they are wrong. I am good enough for him and he saw it in me or he would not have fallen in love with me in the first place.

What kind of man lets his family run his life like that? What kind of man doesn't stand up for his wife? Lets it continue? Keeps feeding into it?

I am being eaten alive by the worry over this. I truly can't handle this...It is all I think about, waking, sleeping, during the day, everytime the phone rings, I want to run and scream. I panic. I hear him put me down all the time. He denies it. Maybe I've made a huge mistake. Maybe he really doesn't love me. Maybe he regrets getting married.

I don't...but this can't continue.

Answer 1

I think you are not resposible for how other people see you. That is there subjectiv opinion. If you are so in need of their approval then do as they expect and they will own you. You have every right at your age to live where you want and with who you want. Family is family and there will always be someone to stir the pot, This time you are on the menu and next time it will be someone else. Just remember when someone else is in the pot to check out what is really in it. Seems to me the family has been eating lies about you without even seeing what was on the menu. Your mom is all grown up and is capable. That is her new life, now go enjoy yours. They will get over whatever it is that is bothering them and you will just have to wait it out, or do as they want you to do and let them own your every move for life. I am sorry that they have lied, but does it really matter what others think of you as long as you know what kind of person you are, Family or not.
Best of Luck
Tracylyn

Answer 2

I think you and your husband should go to your pastor/priest and see if he can act as a liason between the families. Something is missing from this story. People just don't start disliking someone for moving 30 miles away. Could it be that they don't believe you are the best choice for their brother/son? If that is the case then you husband needs to step and tell them he is old enough to make his decisions and if they can't accept that then he will not longer have contact with them. Families like this can be so emotionally draining.....You need to do your best to just ignore them. Don't ask them why they don't like you..Hon..that is their problem....not yours.Remember this...You be the adult and the better person. You dont have to go out of your way for them...but if and when you have to deal with them..be direct but not rude and nothing more. Don't feed into their little mind games.
Good luck and I hope your husband steps up.

Answer 3

I understand that your hurt and I don't blame you. I know you love your husband but, your husband has to be the one to fix this. Your husband's family is upset because he lived with his Mom until he was 45 and then moved out and 30 miles away. As long as he was living with the Mom, the ones that lived 150 miles away did not have to worry about the Mom because he was always with her. Now it has changed. It's not your fault but small minded people are blaming it on you. You are the bad guy. This may never change. My deceased mother-in-law would call our home and when I answered the phone, she would say, "Is he there?" She would never even say hello to me. I just never felt like it was my problem. I always new that it was her problem and not mine. She was just a very unhappy women and she blamed me for everything. She felt she had to blame someone. Ask your husband to have a talk with all involved with you present.Make sure they understand everything you want them to understand. Point blank ask them why they treat you so badly. If things continue the same way after the talk, then you know for sure that it is their problem and not yours. The last time I spoke to my mother-in-law was the day before she died and when she called, she said,"Is he there?" I handed the phone to my husband. She never did get it. I always thought she hated me but after she died I found a scrapbook in her room with all of the pictures of me that were in the newspaper and articles that were published during my career. She was proud of me and I never knew it.

Answer 4

you are going to have to stand up to this bunch ,if indeed your relationship with your hubby is good then he will have your back,as long as you let these people interfere in your life they wil,l tell your husband you have had enough and if he wont stand up to these people you will ,his mom lost her baby boy and will always blame you and if you have done nothing to them well it wont matter they will make things up and as for the best bud tell his azz to back off or get lost!!

Answer 5

If they hate you and you dont know why maybe its things he is telling them. Maybe he told his family that you insisted for him to move instead of telling them he wanted to move. Maybe he is using you as the one to blame so they dont think he chose to leave on his own.

Answer 6

as to me i think ur hubby's family and friend hate u cause they are probably jealous that ur hubby is pay attention to u now not them, but dont ur hubby said anything when his friend or family give u trash talked? ur hubby should have takecare of it,

Answer 7

Good~Luck with this one.
Talk to your hubby about your problem with his friends and family.

Answer 8

Time to get out of this one!!! I would not tolerate this crap for nothing! If he isn't standing for to you - bye bye!!!!!!!!