I want a list of what people argue about...?

Question

My bloke and I are at breaking point. We argue about absolutely everything and then stomp off from each other. When we do actually get to talk, there are so many aspects that everyhing gets bought into the argument at once. We can be accusatory and mean and nasty with each other and then walk away again.
To break this cycle, I thought that maybe I could work out a list of what people argue about. My idea was that I could make a list and then we could sit down and thrash out solutions/compromise for that SINGULAR problem only - moving onto the next bone of contention when one has been resolved. The problem has become so BIG that we need to step back and break it down into bite-size chunks again.

I was thinking a list like...

Money and Finances
Sex and the Bedroom
Going Out
Housework and Who Does What
Etc.

Anything you could suggest would help me to think this through...trust me, we will have rowed about it.

We desperately love each other and this is killing us. Help!

The list I have given is in no particular order.

I think I have been given some excellent pointers! Keep it up chaps (and chapesses!)

Answer 1

Chores
Payments and how much to spend
What to eat when
Flirting with other people
What to do during leisure time and when
How much time to spend together and away
How much freedom/privacy allowed
What color car/type of TV/certain movie etc to buy
Where to live/when to move
Children and their care
Work issues like how often to work and where

Answer 2

It sounds like issues are not being settled each time one or both of you stomps off so the next argument brings to mind the other issues that are still not settled.You say you argue about "absolutely everything". Why do you need a list to remind you? Every time you have an argument, write it down. You may begin to see a pattern. In any case you both need to learn the art of "constructive arguments" where an argument produces some resolution and not just stomping off and letting the matter fester until the next argument which is then that much worse than the last. Here are some basic principles to help you argue constructively: 1)mutual respect 2)empathy 3)humility 4)love.

Answer 3

Where to eat @ home or restaurant
What to watch when we go to the movies
whose turn it is to deal with the child/ren
Spending time with each other
Each other's schedules
What night should date night be this week/end

LOL sadly I could keep going as I've been married for 10 yrs to hubby.But this is the short list of things and I hope it helps.Your idea is a very good one and I truly hope it works.Sometimes though love isn't always enough to keep a couple together.Couples don't always need to be travelling on the same paths with each other but they should be keeping track of where each other going.I mean in the sense of life,mental,emotional,physical levels.Couples should be growing together and understanding the directions each is going and how to support each other on those new levels of both self awareness and life awareness as it stands to first themselves and then as a unit.

Just My Thoughts & Again Good Luck,
M.Gard

Answer 4

maybe you could try a different list like how to make your relationship better like maybe

>you could go out once a week as a couple
>maybe once a fortnight both go out with different Friends
>you each choose what you what to do one night then the next
its the other persons turn
>write out all your outgoings and income and come up with a budget you have to stick to then you both have a budget of say £30 a week after the bills are paid to stick to so you both know what you can spend
>write a list of household jobs that need doing such as washing up, putting the bins out etc then write down who can what
>sex - well you have to come up with a compromise how about you both decide on how often you'd like it then pick a number in between !

don't keep focusing on the bad stuff and make a grate big list on what you argue about - it's bad karma for a start! make a grate big list on how you can improve things instead, but together as a couple so you both agree and you both must be open to compromise

http://www.relate.org.uk/wantadvice/commonproblems/

take care and good luck x

Answer 5

i don't know how long you 2 have been together - every ones relationship is different so you can't go by what other people argue about

if you both are wanting to work at this i would suggest 2 things

1) a list of what you want him to do different or things that he does that bother you - and he give you a list as well - you both commit to work on that list to see if your relationship changes - it will if you both are willing to put forth the effort

2) Learn each others love language everyone communicates differently - sometimes you need to learn your lovers love language to communicate your feelings in a way he will understand - there is a book it is called the 5 love languages by Chapman it is a good start

Good Luck
D

Answer 6

We have been married for almost 27 years and the only thing we argue about is kids ! Why don't we argue about other stuff I'm not sure but you have got to have give and take on both sides, take time out from your everyday life and make time for the two of you.

Answer 7

First of all, you MUST realize that you are OPPOSITE sexes so THINK differently.

Secondly you are both young I am guessing so do NOT know how to cope with various stresses etc.

Once in this rut is is so hard to escape.

Love CAN conquer all, IF you let it.

Write a list of what you both WANT, not argue about. That would be a better way of moving forward.

Good luck

Answer 8

Sorry only you put Money and Finance at the top of your list so an old saying goes 'when poverty comes through the door love flies out the window', if you do love each other then you wouldn't argue so much

Answer 9

You wanna argue about when you stopped caring about eachother and only yourselves (that wasn't meant as an insult) you're obv. bored, spend some time doing something you haven't done in ages like watch a DVD together. Then talk about it.

Good luck

Answer 10

Money and the share of the bills. Thats the main thing we argue about. It all basically comes down to inequality, or percieved inequality, sometimes we all need to think frst before saying anything.