About 18 months ago i decided that i would be a stay at home, i have loved every minute of it but sometimes i think that my husband's opinion of me has changed....or do i just have to much time on my hands and i think about things to much?
2007-01-08 08:16:27 · 19 answers · asked by Lisa P 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Fortunately for me I am a single mom now for 4 years in total and I love it. My son is 5 now. For that year that I was with my ex. I was a stay at home mom, with my son, but he was young still 1-2 years. I loved staying at home with him, spending time with him and taking him to the parks, and I cleaned up the house, took care of bills and did grocery shopping. I had to do that everyday because he was the one with the car for work. I had to take the bus. I used to go to the Laundromat. Do everything. He just worked, got drunk, or took off for days. I took care of my son and I took care of the household. It was never a lazy moment with me. I even put my son to bed at night, reading him stories, I would fall asleep before my ex did at night.
I would definately talk to your husband about this and get his opinion on it. Perhaps you could put your child in Daycare for a few hours, a few days a week, just so that your child is used to being around other kids around your child's age. I have done mommy and baby times at the local library as well. Meet new people there too.
I hope this is a good perspective.
2007-01-08 18:47:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's a little of both. I've done both in my life. I've had a challenging and rewarding career and I have been a stay-at-home mom.
I often feel underappreciated. I recognize as you should that some of that is our own doing. It's hard to find tangible things that we can point to to say "I did that". It's tough. The day starts early and ends late and their is a lot of work in between. But, there are really very few things that the outside world appreciates and nothing that would bring revenue. For this feeling, I suggest writing a journal documenting everything wonderful that happened today. It can be short and sweet. It's important to recognize and remember that the baby smiled today and that the toddler finished his food. Write down that I played in the sandbox with Tyler and felt 5 years old again. I love my baby.
For your husband, make sure to tell him about your day. Tell him that you played with the kids and this or that happened. It will make him jealous. Tell him that it is hard to not have an adult conversation for so many hours but that you wouldn't trade it for the world. Also, take a class, go to the gym, do anything for you at least once a week and leave the kids. Go on short vacations. Do stuff that is just you, even if it is a walk or a jog. Give him time with the kids. You will enjoy him sharing his time too.
What you do is very important to you as well as your children. Leaving your babies at home to make money is a gut wrenching experience. These days will be the days you remember to be your best and they will help you get through many of the tough teenager years.
2007-01-08 08:33:54 · answer #2 · answered by BParker 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You probably have to much time on your hands.
However lets think this through.
Did you ask him his opinion when you make the decision?
Has there been other stresses on you marriage?
Have you been taking care of things faithfully?
Ok first off, if you made the decision by yourself and he didn't have an opportunity to really talk it through with you it will be worth it to make sure that his opinion is heard. Communication if VERY helpful, talk to him about how he feels with the recent change.
Second, if there are other things that are stressing your marriage, IE money, kids, job, family, it is possible that these things are bringing him down and you are misinterpreting his behavior. Do the best you can to help ease the stress in these areas. and let him know that you are doing it for him. IE go window shopping and make sure you tell him that you did not buy that cute sweater, because you wanted to make sure you were helping with the money situation.
Third, I know from my time at home, when I didn't do the chores as I should have that is when my husband became frustrated. If you say you are going to be a stay at home wife, there is A LOT of stress that comes with that, make sure you are doing your part. Even go a little overboard so he notices you are trying, and it was a great decision to let you stay home.
Good luck
2007-01-08 08:28:07 · answer #3 · answered by Mrs. Murphy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His opinion of you probably has changed. He no longer sees you as an additional breadwinning asset the household: he sees you instead as a woman, a wife, a mother, and loving one at that. He probably sees you now more than ever as a mother who truly cares about her children, and dotes on them. And a loving mother and wife is enough to make any man proud.
There are two classes of men: the old-fashioned kind, and the kind who think that women need to pull their own weight. I married the first kind, so I'm a stay-at-home mom (although I do work from the home as a freelance journalist). I mentioned working once, and my husband was shocked. He believes (as do I) that the woman's place is with the children and the man's place is to provide for the family. There are others, however, that believe in this age of equality that women need to work also.
If you are still concerned about what your husband thinks, look into getting an at-home job. That way you can be around for the kids, but still bring in some extra money. There are plenty of at home jobs, in varying degrees of commitment and pay. I'm a journalist--I call people, ask questions, and write stories. My sister is a Mary Kay consultant. I have stay-at-home friends who are representatives for scrapbooking stores, cosmetics, and even one who is a medical transcriptionist from home. You can even attend an online university (if you can afford it) at your leisure.
=) Good luck, and congrats at staying home with the kids. It's a blast, isn't it?
2007-01-08 08:39:09 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You very well could be correct about your husband's feelings having changed. It just depends on the personality of the man. Ask him if he's happy with you home and talk to him from the heart about how you are feeling. You could be way off base, you just don't know. Some men like their women home and others are bitter that they are the only ones out working. Alot of men don't realize the job it really is staying home. I would bet if he took your job for a week, especially if you are raising a child or children, he'd be begging you to let him go back to work where he gets paid, vacation time, sick leave, socializing and so much more than staying at home gets you. Talk about it with him. You should be able to trust his answer and then go from there.
2007-01-08 08:21:31 · answer #5 · answered by enjoyrselves 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hope so. stay at home mom's do alot at home. I think men should be appreciative.Because " A woman's job is never done" between chores,taking care of kids, cooking and laundry. It is a never ending battle. I am a stay at home at it keeps me SO busy.If I had to work and come home to all of it I would be to tired. did it for a while and it was tiresome.
I would talk to your husband and see if he is going to appreciate it or take advantage of it. financially it will be a bit harder but I was not making much when I worked so it not effect us much really.I cut back on different things, such as cheaper clothes and consignments shops, garage sales for kids clothes or consignment shops for them too. Stocking up on bulk items that go along way and are cheap. making it work financially can be done.I think you two need to talk and decide what it is you want to cut back on to make ends meet, less arguments if you discuss it before it happens.
Hope I helped.
2007-01-08 08:24:06 · answer #6 · answered by swtluvingcntrygirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Did you ask your husband how he felt about you staying home before you decided on that?
I don't think your husbands opinion has changed unless he comes home to a sloppy wife and a dirty house? If you feel like you have so much time then occupy your mind in other areas, read a book? Answer questions on Yahoo Answers? :)
2007-01-08 08:35:39 · answer #7 · answered by Hotcakes 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It all depends on the man of course. I personally like to know that a woman can take care of herself if something should happen to me and if she gets a sense of fullfillment from her job I would encourage her to do it. I followed a woman across the ocean to let her purse her career and in the end it consumed her and ended our chance. I have friends who want a woman to stay at home. It should not be the man that decides but you, and you seem to be happy with your decision. Your husband should love you regardless of what you do. If you are happy with yourself you will be a better person and make him happier I think.
2007-01-08 08:25:30 · answer #8 · answered by Pierre Patelin Longshanks 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I appreciate all woman who stay more at home. Husbands who don't like that are, I think Just Stupid, but who cares what I say this is America.
2007-01-08 08:20:28 · answer #9 · answered by Johnny23 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My boyfriend is happiest with whatever I choose to do for myself. Each man has their own opinion. I would ask him what he thinks and see what the answer is. It could be a bit of both between you worrying and maybe it has a little. I am the breadwinner in my house although he does also work. So we have a "role" reversal with me earning more. Maybe it's time for a long talk.
2007-01-08 08:22:04 · answer #10 · answered by ambr95012 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋