cheating spouse is it only me?

Question

i just found out my spouse was "cheating" he denies it of course but it came from a very reliable source (my sis). he admits to talking on the phone and spending some time with this person that he worked with but he said that that was all it was. He said that he needed some one to talk to because he was having a hard time in is life (his mother is sick) and needed someone to be there for him. my sister told me because she knew he wouldnt and she even worned him that she would. i told him that i cant be with him because i will always be wondering did he or didnt he? i cant live like that and i dont think i should have to! i only have one life and it is short already why add suffering to it! but am i acting over the top and taking it to far? should i believe him? we have been together 5 years and have a four year old son sure we have problems but i wouldnt seek comfort from another man the way he did with another women!! please any advice you might have is well apreciated :)

my sister really liked him as a brother inlaw she thought we were great together she is also hurt by what he did and feels in some way she is responsible because he worked for her and she told him that he looked to chumy with this girl. she caught him a few times visisting her when he was not working and she was. he said they were just friends but she said it looked like way more!!

Answer 1

I think you have answered your own question. If you can't forgive then it's time to move on.

Better to live alone and be healthy than to be sick with someone else. And as far as your son goes it's better for him to come from a broken home than to live in one.

Answer 2

I have been going through the same thing for the past 4 month. I found out that he hide a cell phone that he got just to talk to her on. Any way I have put that to the side. You have to ask your self do you really love him? Can you ever Forgive him? If it was just talking, Do you want to end 5 years together? I told mine I was leaving, He begged me to stay and He would never talk to her again. So far so good, I check up on him all the time . Stop at work, check his cell phone calls daily . T-mobile has a great web site. Some say that is wrong but I say do what you have to do . I told him Let me find out that you have talk to her are seen her 1 time and I'm gone. We all make mistakes some you can forgive some you can't only you can make that choice. Good Luck

Answer 3

I think it kinda depends on how long it's been going on. Has he been "talking" to her a week or 3 months? Do you think he'd lie to you about having sex with her? Did he deny talking to her? Does he lie about other things? If he doesn't and is a trustworrthy guy, and has been truly only talking to her for a week or so - I'd give the guy the benefit of the doubt. But if he's been going out after work or meeting her somewhere and lying to you about where he's been....Can't say I'd forgive that. Has he said why he felt he needed to seek out another woman and not come to you with these problems? Does he not have someone to talk to that is friends with you both? Why did he pick this person? I think if he wants to salvage the relationship he owes you a lot of answers.
I'm so sorry - I can imagine the pain you must be feeling.

Answer 4

Okay, what *exactly* does your sister know? How did she learn? When did she learn? Is this the first time you've ever had a reason to question if your husband cheated on you? If so, then you have two reliable witnesses with conflicting stories. Now, tell me this: if your husband is innocent, is it fair of you to leave him because his sister missunderstood a situation? I commend your sister for telling you everything she knew, but seriously, if you were talking to a guy and his brother told him you were cheating on him, and he left, wouldn't you be shocked? Wouldn't you cry "Unfair! I didn't do anything! We just talked!"?

But you are also right, it's not fair to you to have to wonder. That's why you have to find out. Call the other woman, ask her what happened, if you aren't sure you can trust your husband.

Answer 5

Calm , down what other evidence do you have that he is cheating beside your sister telling you? Are there phone calls, are there gifts or money that he has given her. Is he spending lots of time with her? Get your evidence before going off . Sit back watch what is happening, get a detective. But don't go getting a divorce over him talking to someone , about his mother being sick.

Answer 6

Life is too short to put up with someone elses selfish behavior. He only thinks of himself. I wouldn't believe a word that comes out of his mouth especially about this issue. The thought of them sharing emotions and spending time together would haunt me the rest of my life if I stayed with him. I would never be able to trust him again. How about you ? Do you want to spend your days wondering and being paranoid ? Life is too short.

Answer 7

Speaking from personal experiance, I would trust that he never slept with her. A guys mind is diffrent than ours. An affair to them means sex. To some of us women, and affair can mean anything we want it to mean. He became friends with this lady because he needed you in a way that you were unable to give to him. He needed you. For some reason, he felt like he couldn't go to you. If you love him, and honor your marraige, I would talk with him. What he did does not sound to me like something worth throwing away your marriage because. communication is the key to any marraige. Talk with him. Have him tell you what he needs from you and visa versa. If you feel you need to, have couples therepy. YOu are honestly upset that he spoke to her about his feelings and not you. Ask yourself (and him) why her and why not me....

Answer 8

the old i needed someone to talk to line been there my husband did that later it came out and why couldnt he talk to you or a neighbor or family member b/s dont buy it yeah ask him if the shoe was on the other foot would he be so forgiving tell him maybe he would be more comfortable at her place ..

Answer 9

Ask him why could he talk to you and have you be there for him. After all you are his wife.... I wouldn't believe him I think he is just using his mother as an excuse to get sympathy from you and for you to forgive him.

Answer 10

No honey, dont go for that! I left my husband a coupler yrs ago. You will manage trust me. marriage is sacred. once you violate that it's never the same.