My wife and I got married and after our a few months of our honeymoon we learnt that she was pregnant and now we have a healthy baby boy. Cool, everything was alright, it's been 4 months now since she gave birth so I am really expecting that we can go back to our 'business' but the problem is she won't let me near her even if I offer protection. She uses birth control but she's still worried that she might get pregnant again. I am getting frustrated now. I also offered her that we go to a doctor but she took it as an offense. I also mentioned this to my family but all they gave us is moral support. I really don't think that this is post-natal depression because she seems alright.
But
And in addition, when she found out she was pregnant with our first child, she kinda freaked out and almost fainted. I tho She actually cried telling me she was scared and all.
I love my wife, but I tried my best and everything for things to work out but nothing seems to work.
Can you give some advice?
2007-01-08 07:59:09 · 27 answers · asked by krzyzstoff_vanschwarzander 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You told your family members about something so personal as this. I bet your wife didn't like that!!!
2007-01-08 08:02:02 · answer #1 · answered by Premo Mom 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
3 WORDS>>>>LOVE AND SUPPORT!!! I know that you must be feeling a lot of "frustration" right now but YOU'RE A MAN...TAKE MATTERS INTO YOUR OWN HANDS AND TAKE CARE OF IT! Then keep reflecting back on the day you two married and remember the overwhelming love on that day. You didn't marry her for the sex although being physical is part of every relationship. Truth is...Sex Doesn't Last. Sad but true. It will be your love for eachother that keeps you going through the peaks and valleys. A few things. First. Your wife's body has undergone major changes in the last 9 months. Even though you may not think she has post partum symptoms you have to remember that her hormones will be at levels she is not use to.
Second. She is a mother now and all her maternal instincts are telling her that her child is the number one priority. Frankly, your paternal instincts should be in overdrive as well. Your wife and child need your support now. You will find that the more support you give her now will pay off huge when the time is right for her. ALthough she may not tell you she may even be having issues with her self image. Be patient, Bring flowers, Cuddle on the couch, Offer her time to take a break, Compliment her and tell her how much you love her and appreciate what she's done OFTEN). Usually by the first birthday, things are getting back on track. Do not expect things to be the way things were. Things will never be that way again. Cherish what you now have, A Family! Your Family. My guess is your wife will probably feel the same way when you and your son start playing ball, going to games, and all the other father/son things in your future. When this happens, and it will, remember how you felt and offer her membership to your exclusive club. I hope this helps as this is all I can offer. Good luck.
Signed,
10 years, 2 sons, and 1 wife whom I could never live without
2007-01-08 08:39:48 · answer #2 · answered by kmax1232 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow... ok,
First... you're patience and consideration is to be applauded, Second, don't underestimate post partum... it can go as long as a year or more.
3) Think about taking your wife out to dinner (without the baby) and be as loving as you possibly can when you communicate your concerns physically and emotionally over what's been happening. Don't be accusatory or mean, just state with as much love as possible how you've been feeling lately and ask is there anything you can do to help the situation improve. Let her know how concerned you are for heer feelings and what she must be feeling.
Point to consider if it's not post partum depression... It seems as if she's allowing fear to take over and is depressed and afraid of sex because she wasn't ready for children and is trying to ensure the "No more babies" rule by nix the sexual contact. Not sure how a mature adult woman would continue being fearful and not take some other type of preventative steps (with the exception of no sex) to ensure that another pregnancy wouldn't occur until youboth were ready... but then that's just logic talking.... Anyhoo...
With the exception of abstinence, there is no contraceptive method that is 100% effective... so "ANYTIME a married couple has sexual relations there is ALWAYS a slight possibility that the wife can be inpregnated. Since abstinance is out of the question for you, if the conversation doesn't work you might need to seek marriage counseling either on your or with her. She may even need some therapy.
ok then.. there you go.
2007-01-08 08:30:42 · answer #3 · answered by 247 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your wife's having some emotional problems. She's scared of getting pregnant again and that's understandable. I know it's frustrating for you, but try to be patient. See if you can't get her to see her gynecologist, who will be better able to reassure her.
Is there no other married female in the family--someone she can talk with? She loves you, and she loves her son, but she needs to be reassured. She needs to have an intimate conversation with a married woman who has similar circumstances. Do you guys have any friends like that?
In the mean time, try not to pressure her right now. Actually, a woman is quite fertile after she's delivered a child, so your wife does have reason to worry. If you can, give her a little space and a little more time. Look around and see if there isn't some married female who can comfort your wife.
Hopefully, she'll come out of this soon. I wish you well, and congratulations on the birth of your son!
2007-01-08 08:20:17 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she is just not in the mood. A baby takes a lot out a person and if she is the only one caring for the baby she doesn't have the time, the energy or the desire do it. I can understand she is scared about having another one so soon but there has to be more to it than that . After helping her with the baby and he's in bed, talk to her about what she is feeling and why there has been no time for the two of you (listen to her).
Offer to help with the baby and go out for supper or something just the two of you one night a week or every second week. Buy her flowers and let her know you love her, and will give her support and enough time she needs to be intimate again. If you can get her to open up the rest will follow but if you really love her, you have to give her time .
2007-01-08 08:19:44 · answer #5 · answered by trojan 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It has gotten to the point that you need to have a real sit down heart to heart talk. Make sure your tone is loving and comforting to her, and express that you respect her feelings but that you are becoming concerned because she does not seem interested in love making and that is a way to express your love for someone.
Offer the doctor again, and if she acts offended express to her that you are depserately trying to come up with some suggestions to work through this and think that maybe an outside source could offer the two of you some sound advice and see the situation from a fresh perspective.
Good luck!
2007-01-08 08:13:42 · answer #6 · answered by Just Me 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should talk to her and tell her that she is making you feel really bad. I think that she needs to tell you how she is feeling if your going to have any consideration toward her, if not your going to start to get angry. You need to tell her that she can't turn this on you because you are coming to her with what is in your heart and if she shoots you down then one day you will not come to her and you will learn that it is best for you to seek for advice else where. Be honest and tell her that you know it is not that she is scared that she is going to get pregnant if you both doing something to take care of this situation. I am puzzled as to why she would get freaked out when she found out she was pregnant, I mean that would be okay to freak out if she was having an affair and didn't want to be pregnant.But she is wasn't doing that..She must be old enough to know that pregnancy happens if your not doing every thing in your power to prevent it.
2007-01-08 08:23:14 · answer #7 · answered by LittleDaisy. 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WOW sorry to hear your frustration. I guess bj's as a nice alternative would be out of the question for time being since she is paranoid of getting pregnant again. I can't see her listening or for that mater reasoning with you since she wont budge. She needs to strongly know your frustrations and give in a Little or you need to be more patient or the two of you had better talk to a professional so she can get her mind and heart right so you know exactly where she is coming from because she isn't hearing you.
2007-01-08 08:12:17 · answer #8 · answered by daydreamer 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe your wife is having some emotional issues and may need some help, ask her if you and she can go to couples counseling to help work through her fears. Right now the best thing to do is to be loving and supportive and not make her feel less for feeling the way she does. I'm sure with some support and professional help you guys can work your way back to where you once were, or even better.
2007-01-08 08:03:16 · answer #9 · answered by jaws1013 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think this is a sensitive matter for your wife so when you asked about going to a doctor she got offended and when you maentioned to family they may sipport you but I am sure that upset her. I think you need to tell her you love her and you miss making love to her. Tell her you know she is scared to get pregnant again but say you will take extra precautions. If she still refuses then I think you should go and see a doctor. A medical doctor and mental health professional to see if this is some fear or depression and if you still can not get anywhere you may have to discuss divorce but I hoipe that does not happen to you. Good luck~
2007-01-12 07:19:51 · answer #10 · answered by Danielle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old is she? She may be just a little immature.....Women tend to put their lives into the children and the husband may feel ignored and jealous of the baby.
Some women don't want to be a mother and end up being one "by" mistake......she does't want to make the same mistake twice.
I have a friend and she didn't want to be a Mom at all. She hide things that she was doing to protect herself from being a mom from her husband who wanted children. She even made him feel like he was less than a man because she wasn't pregnant.....saying that it was all of his fault.....One day he found out the truth......and they are still married and they have two children but you can tell that she loathes them.....She will not do anything form them......It' s sad. He is an awesome dad in spite of it.
2007-01-08 08:08:57 · answer #11 · answered by Been There Done That 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋